Scenes with Darwin 63
(On the bus...)
DDarwin
Hiding is not gonna make it go away, and why on earth would you invite him to a sleepover?
Whoever pays for lunch gets a sleepover. It's a social contract.
DDarwin
You're talking out of your backside, dude.
At least you'll be there to support me.
(Darwin gets off the bus at Banana Joe's house)
DDarwin
I'm having a sleepover at Banana Joe's. I predicted you'd do something like this, so I decided to get out of the house for the evening.
Fine! I don't need you! I still have Anais!
(Anais pops out of Darwin's backpack.)
Nope. You made your bed, and now you have awkwardly lie next to a stranger in it.
(Gumball yells, slamming his butt against the back windshield of the bus in despair as it departs.)
DDarwin
[Picks it up] Here! A photo album!
[Darwin sets it down and opens it for them both to see. The first photo shows a much younger Margaret Robinson sitting in a boat on a lake, smiling wickedly]
DDarwin
She looks happy there.
[In the same photo, next to the boat, Margaret Robinson's helpless brother is seen drowning. Slightly concerned, Darwin flips to the next page. The next photo is of Margaret Robinson's first day at Elmore Junior High]
DDarwin
Look, first day of school!
Yeah, probably the last for a few others.
[Margaret Robinson gazes happily at the camera as the school building burns behind her. A fire crew is seen attempting to stop the blaze. Another page is flipped. The next photo shows Margaret Robinson as a child in the living room of her home at Christmas time]
[Darwin gasps as he sees Margaret fanning the hearth fire to burn Santa as he climbs down the chimney]
DDarwin
Santa... [Distraught voice, closes the book] I don't wanna see any more!
[Reopens the book] Well, wait a minute. What about the baby pictures? They gotta be cute.
[The photo is of a human hand finishing the stitching of the infant Margaret]
[Gumball flips to the next page. The photo shows Margaret Robinson as a toddler, ripping off a teddy bear's head]
Oh! I guess she was just born that way, dude.
[Gaylord Robinson, who stands in the shadows behind them, begins to speak as he approaches them. Startled by his voice, Gumball and Darwin quickly turn to see him]
GRGaylord Robinson
Margaret is and will always be a mystery. Nothing happened in her life to justify the way she is. Some people aren't looking for anything logical; they can't be bought, reasoned, or negotiated with. Sometimes, man just wants to watch the world burn.
Uh...are you saying Mrs. Robinson's a man?
GRGaylord Robinson
[Shocked] What? No!
[Quietly] Wait, y-you said "man", Mr.- [Trails off]
GRGaylord Robinson
[Puts his hands on his hips and stomps toward them in frustration] I meant "man" as in "mankind!"
DDarwin
But, she isn't kind.
GRGaylord Robinson
No, I-I-I [Defeated] Ah, just get out of here.
LLeslie​​​
[Coughing] Wait!
[He puts his leaves over his face, and when he lifts them, discovers that he has become more handsome]
Leslie: [Gasps] I'm beautiful. Wait! I'm more beautiful than I've ever been!
[The camera pans out, revealing Leslie's rippling pecks as his leaves undulate in the wind]
LLeslie​​​
Look at me, world, and gag on my eleganza!
[Leslie laughs diabolically, but the scene reveals itself to be a pesticide-adled hallucination as he lies on the floor giggling, no less hideous. Gumball and Darwin look at him with disgust and spray him one more time, causing him to pass out]
[Cut to Leslie on a couch at Elmore Mall, with Gumball, Darwin, and Pantsbully (who is operating a hot dog vendor) staring at him]
LLeslie​​​
Aww...
DDarwin
[Strokes Leslie's face] It doesn't matter. We still love you.
LLeslie​​​
I don't care if you— oh!
[The camera zooms out to reveal Darwin stroking Leslie with a hot dog. He slaps it out of his hand]
LLeslie​​​
I don't care about the people who love me! I've already got their validation. It's the people who don't love me I need to impress! [Makes a fashion pose]
[Reading the gardening book] Wait a second. Dude, I've got it! You're just wilting! It's completely normal.
LLeslie​​​
Really?
Yeah! And there's a very simple solution.
LLeslie​​​
What is it?
[Points to a picture in the book] Eh?
[Camera zooms into the picture with a dramatic sting showing that the flower head is being cut off.]
[Richard enters the house and is shocked upon seeing Gumball and Darwin. Gumball and Darwin angrily glare at Richard with bloodshot eyes from grief with Richard's secret life as a classy lady]
Oh... Well, I guess you were bound to find out one day. How do you feel about it?
[Darwin picks up a plate and smashes it on the floor in response]
Oh, just great! How do you think Mom would feel about it?!
[tries to be honest] Well, she's not around in the day. I've got to find some way of keeping myself entertained.
[angrily slams the table] ENTERTAINED?!! [Darwin smashes second plate]
Is it so bad that I have some fun? I enjoy the time I spend with my girls.
GIRLS?!! PLURAL?!! [Darwin smashes the last plate]
What difference does it make if it's more than one?
[horrified] You maggot! How many?
Three at the moment, but you know, the more the merrier.
I think I'm gonna be sick. [welling up tears] Our dad has a secret double life. [sniffs] Darwin, smash another plate. [Darwin realizes there are no plates left to smash]
[Darwin speedily goes upstairs, orders a cheap set of plates on the computer, goes downstairs and waits until the mailman arrives with the package. Once he receives the package, he opens it at the table to throw down a plate but floats down like paper instead]
DDarwin
Dagnabbit, I bought the paper ones.
VVoice
[On television] Thirty-two donkeys playing on a sled,
One fell off it and hurt his leg
Santa called the doctor, and the doctor said,
"No more donkeys playing on that sled!"
Thirty-three donkeys playing on a sled...
[All the students whose parents are contributing to the charity ball are shown to be completely exhausted]
DDarwin
Really? Don't you want to see what happens to the thirty-second gosh- DARN DONKEY?!
At least it's a distraction.
Hello, Fervidus Pizza, may I take your order? (beat) Okay, one pepperoni coming up.
(Out in the desert, Gumball and Darwin look around for the customer.)
DDarwin
You sure this is the right address?
(Gumball shrugs. His phone then rings.)
WWoman
Good afternoon, I'm on my way! Can you hold up your hand, please?
Sure, uh, Darwin, raise your hand so she can see us.
(Darwin raises his hand.)
WWoman
No, the other hand - the one holding the pizza.
(Darwin shrugs as he raises the pizza. Suddenly, a commercial plane passes by on ground-level, surprising the boys. As the smoke clears, the pizza is gone as Darwin huddles in fear.)
WWoman
Thanks! I'm a pilot, you see, but I hate airplane food.
What happened to the money?
WWoman
I just dropped it off.
(beat)
WWoman
Somewhere over Reno. Over and out.
DDarwin
So, it turns out wearing a store uniform is the grown-up version of having a sign on your back that says, "Kick me".
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the sign would say something ruder than that.
(The boys hear a crashing sound as they switch into appliance store clerks, seeing dents appearing on the metal cover blocking the doors.)
MMan
Let us in! It's 9 am!
D'Darwin
Uh, dude. What today's date?
(checking his phone) Friday, November 24. (gasps) THE BLACK FRIDAY SALE!
(The metal cover begins to break down as the boys arm themselves with scanners.)
What's our motto, soldier?!
DDarwin
Semper satisfies, sir!!
(The cover breaks open as the sale-hungry customers barge in. Gumball and Darwin fire the scanners, but they are pushed aside as several freeze-frames of the Black Friday war raging through, customers fighting each other for discounted TVs and other appliances. As the store closes, a beaten-up Gumball and Darwin lay down by the exit...)
The Amazing World of Gumball · 211 quotes
