Guys, we can't leave school! It's ditching, and it'll go on our permanent record!
Carl, how many times do I have to tell you? Your permanent record is just a myth. Like the Loch Ness Monster or North Dakota.
[Jimmy then arrives in his hover car]
JJimmy
[as his friends climb in] All aboard for Egypt!
Did you guys know I'm related to Cleopatra?
No. Why don't you tell us a fact for the ten-millionth time?
I'm related to the guy that invented baseball.
Oh, wait, did I say baseball? I meant spray-on-eyebrows.
JJimmy
Light speed to Egypt!
This better not be like the time you took us to the center of the earth and all we found was a bunch of hot dirt.
JJimmy
Oh, come on, guys. This is going to be a great adventure. We're going to find the lost tomb of Queen Hazabataslapya.
[The gang arrives in Egypt and Jimmy searches everywhere for Queen Hazabataslapya's lost tomb, but it's nowhere to be found]
Jimmy, I've been saying, "Toot Van Halen" for 3 hours. Can I stop now?
Way to go, Neutron. You haven't found anything. I'd rather be in school.
JJimmy
[disappointed] I don't understand it. I can't seem to find the lost tomb.
Duh! That's why the call it the "lost tomb," not the, here-it-is tomb: "come inside and have a milkshake."
Oh, Swimmy loved milkshakes.
Let's go home. I need to apply some emergency skincare products.
And so ends another chapter of the boring and stupid adventures of Jimmy Neutron.
JJimmy
But, guys, we're here in an exotic, distant, foreign land. We might as well have some fun.
Fun? Yeah, right. Let's have a party in this beautiful spot.
Uh, Jimmy? Where's the bathroom? All I see is sand, and I'm not a cat.
What's the matter with Jimmy?
He's got desert fever! Curse you, cruel desert! You've taken another victim in your sandy clutches! We must put him out of his misery.
JJimmy
Let's have an Egyptian Beach Party!
JJimmy
Always be prepared for any eventuality.
All my life I wanted to go an authentic Egyptian Beach Party!
[After surviving a sandstorm, Jimmy gasps in surprise at something as Cindy scolds him]
[annoyed] Okay, Neutron, once again, you blew it, big time… [knocks Jimmy's head] Hey, Jumblehead, I'm yelling at you. [snaps her fingers in front of his face] Pay attention. What are you looking at?
JJimmy
[turns her head] The entrance to the lost tomb of the Queen Hazabataslapya.
You think there's a bathroom in there?
JJimmy
[pushing the doors open] We shall now enter the lost tomb and see what has been unseen for 3,000 years.
Shouldn't we like, call National Geographic or Harvard?
JJimmy
Spice jars! If we can gather up enough kaffir lime leaves and dry mustard powder, I can ignite them and blow the door open!
Where do you learn all this stuff, Jimmy?
JJimmy
That I learned at the library.
Ohh. And the library is a…?
[On the other side of the wall, the snakes corner Carl, surrounding him]
[trying to make them go away; fearfully] Okay, nice snakes. Pretty snakes. Um, go away, please. Y-You don't want to bite me with your long, sharp fangs and inject poison into my blood stream. [Jimmy ignites the spice jars with his torch, blowing the wall open, making the snakes flee; Carl is relieved] Thanks, guys. I thought I was gonna be snake food.
[having enough] Okay, this field trip is over. How are you gonna get us out of here, Mr. Tour Guide?
JJimmy
[spookily] We don't want to get outta here.
Okay, Jimmy's lost it. I elect myself leader. Everybody start crying and yelling.
JJimmy
[just before they do that] No, guys. Look. The queen's burial chamber. Get ready to see a real, live mummy.
Hey, Jimmy. Was the queen gonna have a garage sale?
JJimmy
The Egyptians believed in an afterlife, so they preserve their bodies and buried them with their furniture, jewelry, pets…
[laughing] Man. Those Egyptians were a bunch of whack jobs. But just in case they're right, I'd like to be buried with my Ultra Lord collection.
Well, guys, this was fun. [laughs nervously while taking a few steps back] Okay, let's all leave in a quiet and orderly fashion, before we see something really scary, like… [bumps into a mummified body and turns around; terrified] MUMMIES!!! [runs and crashes into Jimmy, making him drop the torch, and the flame light goes out]
[The gang's eyes are shown in the dark as they start to panic]
JJimmy
Everybody, shh! Stand still, I'll find my torch. [accidentally touches Cindy]
Ow! That's not your torch.
Hey, Jimmy, I still got your Electro-Life thingy that makes a light. [activates the Electro-Life, lighting up the chamber so Jimmy can find his torch… and unknowingly accidentally resurrects the three mummies nearby]
JJimmy
Found it! [picks up the torch and lights it up] Now let's a take a look at those mummies.
[The mummies growl and look down at them]
[frightfully] J-Jimmy, the mummies are looking at us.
[as the mummies start moving their bodies] They're moving.
JJimmy
I did it! My Electro-Life works! I can bring the dead back to life!
All right! You trampled all over the laws of nature! Way to go!
Yeah, terrific. Now a bunch of dead guys wrapped in toilet paper are gonna kill us.
Um, guys, I suggest we… RUN!!!
[The kids start running as the mummies chase after them]
Jimmy, next time you invite me anywhere, remind me to say no.
JJimmy
Let's hope there is a next time!
[to the mummies] Hey, guys. I'm related to your queen.
So, this is how it ends. Playing hide and get killed in a tomb in Egypt.
Why must the good die young?!
They're coming this way. [whispering] Everybody stay quiet!
Uh, Jimmy, now would be a real good time for one of your brain blasts.
JJimmy
Think, think… [pictures Libby and Queen Hazabataslapya looking alike; gets an idea] Brain blast! Libby, quick, I need you.
Why, Jimmy, this is so sudden!
It's the desert love curse. Working its evil ways on Jimmy's heart.
JJimmy
Libby, you look like the queen. If you pretend to be her, maybe the mummies will obey your command.
[to the mummies; portraying as the queen]' I order you mummies to start sleeping for 5--
15 trillion more years! [the mummies fall asleep] Sleep tight, and don't let the scarab bugs bite.
JJimmy
Carl, give me the Electro-Life.
JJimmy
Some things should not see the light of day, for who am I, a mere mortal to alter the very laws of mortality.
Good thing we're in a tomb, 'cause you're boring us to death.
[Jimmy flings the Electro-Life aside]
[off-screen] Hey, guys! I did it! I finally found the bathroom! [gets his head thumped; painfully] OW! Why must the good get hit on their heads again? [Later outside… the gang are all in Jimmy's hover car, ready to return to Retroville] Sayonara, cruel desert!
You know, I think I'm down with this new look. I'm gonna keep it.
[sarcastically] So, do we have to address you as "Superqueen Libby" as of right now?
[giggles] No, [jokingly] but "Your Mighty Fine Royal Marvelousness" WILL do.
JJimmy
Light speed back to Retroville!
[The gang returns to school and tiptoe quietly while entering Miss Fowl's classroom]
[loudly] Miss Fowl, we're back!
OOthers
[all annoyed] Carl!
[waking up along with Principal Willoughby] Where have you children been?! I want the truth, pronto!
And I'll have none of this whole "school tanning salon" mumbo-jumbo!
Uh, did I say we were going to the tanning salon? I meant, uh… the bathroom!
Oh. Well, all right, then.
In Egypt. And Libby got to be a queen, and mummies chased us, and we discovered a lost tomb!
If you love me, you'll finish it right now!
JJimmy
People, we can't quit now! It's only the 1st inning!
And Butch's team is beating us 29 to 0!
Cut with the chitty-chatty and play ball! [Sheen catches a ball Jimmy threw] Ball 8!
Ball?! That was right down the middle. I've seen better calls at a square dance!
Jimmy's throwing lollipops. The day he throws down Broadway is the day I dance on the moon!
[Jimmy throws it and Butch hits it, sending it flying]
Oh, I wish I was a llama in a great big llama world...
AAH! THE BALL! IT'S COMING RIGHT AT ME! [hits Carl's back] Ow, my scapula.
[Ball bounces to Libby who is listening to music, and then to Cindy]
Way to pitch a really easy home run, Nerd-tron!
I was listening to a great song. I have priorities!
And I have back pain! Primarily around my scapula.
Can we stop, Miss Fowl? My team's tired from running around the bases so much.
Oh, I thought you'd never ask. Butch's team is the winner!
All in favor of never playing baseball for the rest of their lives, say "Aye".
You guys are such losers!
All those who agree with Butch?
JJimmy
Hey, no one calls my team losers! We want a rematch!
Nerd-tron, are you out of your oversized mind?!
JJimmy
I'll show you guys that we're not losers!
Look, guys, my cousin lent me his official, major-league bat signed by Tremendous Jackson himself.
JJimmy
No, you can't use that. This stuff's been lucky for us. Changing now might jinx us.
Jimmy's right, that's why I've been wearing the same underwear for the past six weeks.
That was embarrassing. I got this long sleeve shirt and my underwear too. And socks too.
JJimmy
If we want to keep winning, we keep using our old equipment.
Listen up everyone. I have an announcement to make today: Jimmy Neutron and his team will be going to Nagoya, Japan, for the Junior Baseball World Championships! Which just goes to show that even the worst, most untalented athletes can be great if they put their minds to it. So... sayonara.
JJimmy
Um... guys, I think there's something I should tell you...
Me, too. I-I hate to admit it, Neutron, but, um, we wouldn't have gotten this far without you.
Yeah, for once and probably the only time in my life I'm a wiener-- I mean, winner. See how new it is?
My life-long dream has been to go to Japan. I can finally meet Bonzilla!
So, Jimmy, what was it that you were going to say?
JJimmy
Um... let's go to Japan?
AAnnouncer
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the championship game between the Retroville 9 and, from Japan, the Super Dedicated Work Team!
Oh, I can't believe we're here. I don't know how we did it.
JJimmy
Uh, yeah, neither do I.
Boy, I love this sushi stuff, whatever it is.
[Opening shot: Iris into a close up of a purple-yellow monster, cut to a terrified Carl, then to a frightened old lady, followed by a terrified Sheen, it is revealed to be a poster at a video store visited by Jimmy, Carl and Sheen]
JJimmy
I don't know, guys. $15 is a lot of money.
Jimmy, what's Doombringer II?
JJimmy
I don't know. It IS a lot of game.
Now, remember [he takes hand of the said game] it's for mature players only, so act even more maturer-er than we usually do. I'll try and grow a mustache. [tries to do so, only to realize nothing happens]
JJimmy
My dad's over 18. I'll act like him. [cut to Doombringer II and three dollar bills and four grey coins being placed on the counter by Jimmy with Carl with ice cream in the background] Well, howdy there, Clerky Clerkotron.
CCClerky Clerkotron
[hands the objects back] Beat it kids, this game is for mature players only, due to violence, exaggerated mayhem and old lady kicking.
That's not fair! We're highly mature! [pounds fist] I demand my constipational rights! [Clerky kicks the boys out of the store; pointing his finger up] How dare he throw your father out of the store?!
JJimmy
Come on guys, Let's go do something "age-appropriate."
[They leave the scene, except for Sheen who gets the rest of his body back to the scene. About to return to the store, with a grin on his face]
Hey you! Check it out! I'm staring at it with both eyes, and you can't stop me! [but the clerk throws the ice cream onto Sheen's eye] I stand corrected.
[Jimmy screams in the mirror after seeing he's old. Goddard screams like a teen girl after seeing Jimmy old. Doorbell rings. Cuts to Jimmy answering the door, only to scream again]
Jimmy, is that you way over there?
OJOld Jimmy
Guys! Something went horribly wrong!
Oh, gee you think? And another thing: kids today wear their pants too low! They're down under their stomachs, for cryin' out loud!
Jimmy, are you sure your mom wants us to drive her car?
OJOld Jimmy
Carl, I'm at least 75 years old. I think I can make my own decision.
Hey! I know what you're doing! You're trying to take me to the nursing home! [pounds on the car's window] Let me out! Let me out!
Sheen, careful! This car's going an excess of 7 miles an hour.
[They park into a parking lot at the Candy Bar]
You know, when I was a kid, the sky was bluer! And a quarter would buy you groceries for a week!
OJOld Jimmy
Gas planet. Does anyone remember what we drove down here to get?
Well, I'd like a canary to talk to while I watch TV and eat soup.
OJOld Jimmy
[sees a titanium and gift card store across the street] Ha! Titanium! That's it! [walks slowly to the store]
I think Jimmy wants us to follow him.
Yeah. 'Course I always wanted to try the senior's buffet at the Candy Bar.
Right behind you, my wrinkled friend.
Hey, Oldilocks, what's the big idea, you and your bingo buddy takin' all the rice pudding from the buffet?
It says "Seniors Eat Dessert Free"!
You're supposed to buy an entree first!
We did. I had a hamburger in here yesterday. [he and Sheen laugh] Oh, my spleen.
[Meanwhile, at the titanium and gift cards store…]
OJOld Jimmy
Now, what was it I wanted? Something starting with a "T." Tostadas, turpentine?
Well, hey, old-timer. I like the way you're wearing your pants. I've been thinking of wearing mine more like that, maybe growing out my nose hair a little bit. You look familiar.
OJOld Jimmy
Oh, no, I'm just a strange old man, not your son after screwing up an experiment.
[chuckles] I know. You remind me of my father, except you're not always saying, "Huey, I told you, toothpaste isn't food."
OJOld Jimmy
Not possible. I don't have any family.
What? Oh, well, that's terrible. Come on. Come with me, I'll get you a nice home-cooked meal.
OJOld Jimmy
B-but I can't. I have to buy something with a "T."
I'll get you a nice cup of tea.
OJOld Jimmy
I said, let me go!
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius · 473 quotes
