Gorilla Monsoon quotes from Survivor Series

[on Jake Roberts] At this point, I hate to see the man get hurt. But there comes a point where you just maybe wanna see him get pinned so he don't get hurt anymore.

Well, you'll have to pin him 'cause he's not gonna quit, Hot Rod.

He's too much of a...

[as Jake hits a DDT on the Warlord] Oh, look at this! DDT!

YES!

He nailed the big guy!

YES!

[as Rick Martel sprays Arrogance at Jake, forcing him off the Warlord] Oh, look at Martel.

Did he get him?

No, Jake saw it coming, he turned his head, Hot Rod.

Alright.

But the referee didn't see any of that action.

[as Jake releases Damian from his bag] He's got a partner! He found a partner!

Can you blame him?

Not at all!

Look at Martel, scared to death! And Jake right on his tail! Hobbling, limping, but still going after him!

Martel, you coward, you did the least in there!

Referee's counting. Warlord, of course, the legal man in the ring, and Jake the Snake. [Chioda finishes the count and calls for the bell] Oh, he's out. I don't think he was worried about being counted out, Hot Rod. He wanted a piece of Martel.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jake "The Snake" Roberts has been counted out. Therefore, the winning survivors are the entire team of the Visionaries!

Oh, the entire team of the Visionaries have made it to the Grand Finale.

Including...

Including the Model, of course. The whole team, the first time in the history of the Survivor Series that an entire team has made it.

Martel would be there, but right now, he's running down Main Street Hartford.

With all the excitement, I almost forgot about that humongous egg that's gonna hatch here.

The last time I saw an egg that size when Milli Vanilli laid it.

I wanted to point out to you and your cohorts that the Survivor Series is being shown around the world to our armed forces. They are gonna be seeing you in action here tonight against the Alliance, and especially those great guys and gals who are serving our country proudly in the Persian Gulf, and by the way, they find you and your commanding officer despicable.

Despicable?!

Yes! Despicable.

Stand at attention, you puke. Shut that hole and listen up! And all you maggots out there, listen up! Despicable is saluting the red, white & blue! I, Sgt. Slaughter, salute one flag, and that flag is the banner of that brave Iraqi nation!

You've gotta be kidding me!

You know what, pukeface? Today, my Mercenaries and I sat down to a beautiful, hot, delicious turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and we didn't have to worry about swatting any desert flies away from the table; and we didn't have the smell of camel dung in the air when we chewed our food and swallowed it; but best of all, we didn't have any sand in our pumpkin pie! What did all of you American gung-ho soldiers out there in Saudi Arabia have in your K-ration can today? Hot turkey sandwich?!

You call yourself an American? You've got to be kidding.

President Bush, take some advice from Sgt. Slaughter before you send your troops into battle against President Saddam Hussein: Always think twice because the Iraqi Army soldier is just like the Mercenaries and Sgt. Slaughter — we take no prisoners and we are survivors, and THAT'S AN ORDER! You're dismissed.

What a despicable piece of garbage.

You pig! You pig! You know why he got kicked out of the service? For saying "Shazam!" too much.

If these boys don't finish them off, I'm grabbing his butt, I'll take him over to the Persian Gulf and let our troops have a go at him! Let's see what kind of drill sergeant he is! You're nothing but a pig, you hang around with pigs, and you ain't got enough guts to eat a can of K-rations! I would rather eat K rations that eat turkey with you, you pig!

[after Piper kisses Sherri, who was not supposed to be at ringside] The referee's finally realized that she was out there, not supposed to be, she's on her way out of there.

Know where she's going? She's going to get a tetanus shot.

I hope so.

If Piper kissed you, you'd have to have shots too, Monsoon. Well, maybe not, I don't know.

There's gonna be a lot of trouble there in the Macho household.

What are you talking about?

Well, he's been reinstated, right? He can wrestle again.

Yes.

Who's gonna do the dishes?

Six remaining, and they're all in there. [Piper whips Flair into the corner, who flips over the top and onto the floor] Flair into the corner, up and over the top and out. He's the legal man out.

Hold my jacket!

Where're you going?

I think I have to go down there and help him out.

Oh, please.

Well, if you insist, I'll stay here.

Referee calling for the bell to ring here. Disqualification perhaps, or count-out. [The action spills out to the floor. As this happens, Flair re-enters the ring.] I know Flair's the legal man out there.

Well, they shouldn't disqualify him. They disqualify Piper? Who'd they disqualify?

Why don't you just wait a minute? Somebody's gonna be sent out of here.

I think Piper gave up. I think he quit and said, "I've had enough." I'm not sure what happened. There're bodies all over the place.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is the referee's official decision.

Here it comes.

[upon hearing from the referees] Bullshit!

[cont'd] He has disqualified every participant that was battling in the ring except for one man who is the sole survivor and the winner: Ric Flair!

How on Earth could he do that?! [Piper attacks Flair, sending him out of the ring] Piper not too happy about it.

Doesn't matter. The winner of the first tag match at Survivor Series, the real world's champion, Ric Flair! Now give me one, Monsoon! WOOOOO!!!

I'd like to give you one.

Right here in Jim Louis Arena.

Joe Louis!

Joe Louis, sorry.

Who's Jim Louis?

Who's Joe Louis?

Brain, if you keep quiet, no one will know how stupid you are.

You're kidding.

Undertaker trying to rip the face off the Hulkster.

What a rip-off, huh? Well, Detroit's known for hockey, so that would be a face-off.

Will you stop!

[after Paul Bearer chokes Hogan a second time] I'll tell you, this monitor just keeps kickin' in, kickin' out.

I'm gonna start kickin' you in and out in a minute!

[after Hogan nails Flair on the outside] Whoa! He said "What are you doing here?" and unloads!

Why did Hogan have to go touch Flair? Flair never touched the ring!

Look at this! [Flair places a steel chair in front of the Undertaker and he tombstones Hogan on it] Flair with a chair, a steel chair! Oh! He got piledrived, right through the steel chair!

Wait a minute... one, two...

[as the referee and Bobby count] Come on! Get out!

WE'VE GOT A NEW WORLD CHAMPION! WE GOT A NEW WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! WOOOOO!

What a miscarriage of justice!

I told you so!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Undertaker!

This is horrendous! Three guys it took—it took the Undertaker, Paul Bearer, and Ric Flair to beat Hulk Hogan!

Hulkamania is dead! It is dead! Long live the Undertaker!

Walkin onto here as the new World Wrestling Federation champion, but not deservedly so, The Undertaker.

Look at his eyes, look at his eyes! The man is possessed!

I suppose you thought that was fair Brain.

Does it matter what I think?

It doesn't, huh?

There is a World Wrestling Federation new world champion. Hulkamania is dead!

WWF officials in the ring right now checking on the Hulkster, obviously knocked silly, knocked unconscious as Ric Flair slipped that steel chair underneath the bottom rope, allowing the Undertaker to piledrive the Hulkster's head right into it.

Well, had Hogan not gone outside the ring and put a hand on Ric Flair, the real World's champion, maybe he'd be standing right now. Maybe the match'd still be going right now. Maybe he'd be World Wrestling Federation Champion right now. But no, Hogan. You wanna live by your own rules. "Hulk rules," right? There's what Hulk rules, his back on the mat, no gold, no belt, and all these little punk Hulkamaniacs crying their eyes out! I love it, Hulkamania's been buried and it's dead!

Brain, give me a break. What business from the get-go did Ric Flair have down at ringside during this title match?!

I don't know.

Oh you don't know. "I don't know." That's your standard out—"I don't know."

You ask him if he...

He's the one responsible for this title change!

I have trouble telling the Beverly's apart.

Beau's the one with the blond hair.

Marty Jannetty, in picking up one of the Nasty Boys, accidentally kicked his own partner right in the face with the legs of the Nasty Boy. Shawn really bent out of shape here, furious with Marty Jannetty, and Marty Jannetty saying...Marty doesn't even know what happened.

Well, I'll tell you, it's like I was reading in WWF Magazine, there's dissension between the Rockers. You know, they've hated each other...

They did not! Will you stop, that's not true!

They don't get along at all! They're both prima donnas!

They are not!

The rumors about them are true!

What rumors?

That they can't stand each other, in the World Wrestling Federation Magazine. Don't you read that publication?! I have my own column in it, I read it every month!

All you do is look at the pictures! I don't think you can read!