[Teal'c and Bra'tac have returned through the Stargate]
GOGen. O'Neill
So, how was the trip?
[walking away] I have been betrayed by those I trusted most.
GOGen. O'Neill
That good, huh?
His mood is foul indeed.
S8 E9Sacrifices
They want a what?
SCSam Carter
A goat, sir.
You can tell them that lamb is far less gamy.
SCSam Carter
They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
Yeah, well you can tell them that's not going to happen.
SCSam Carter
Yeah, I was hoping you were going to say that.
They can have a piñata. That's always fun.
GOGen. O'Neill
Look, T, I'm not gonna tell you how to raise your kid, but I've always found that sticking your fingers in your ears and humming loudly solves a whole slew of problems.
[Dr. Jackson is attempting to calm the outraged Jaffa when Bra'tac and O'Neill enter]
Silence!
GOGen. O'Neill
Thank you. Now, Daniel, what's going on here?
[The Jaffa resume their shouting]
Silence!
GOGen. O'Neill
I said, "Daniel".
[to the newly married Rya'c and Ka'ryn] May you love and fight like warriors. Just not with each other.
[after Ka'ryn and Ry'ac abruptly end their wedding rehearsal] I can see why one must rehearse these ceremonies... [he quaffs the ceremonial wine from the rehearsal]
S8 E10Endgame
They'll never see it coming.
GOGen. O'Neill
Which is one of the advantages of a totally insane idea.
[innocently] Yeah, where'd I learn that from?
Wait, you mean the Asgard took our gate?
GOGen. O'Neill
Yeah, normally they ask nicely before they ignore us and do whatever they damn well want.
[staring down at the gate-less gate room] Man, I'd hate to be the one that has to explain that to the President.
[O'Neill, standing next to him, turns and glares]
S8 E11Gemini
My name is Samantha Carter.
GOGen. O'Neill
All right, we've got a little conflict with that statement. We've already got one here.
There are two of us.
GOGen. O'Neill
[to himself] If only.
You have untapped greatness inside you, Sam, but you're limited by your own fears. You play by the rules, you do as you're told and you deny yourself your own desires.
I have no desire to rule the galaxy, believe me.
All humans desire power. It's just that most of them are never in a position to attain it.
S8 E12Prometheus Unbound
Come on, Jack!
GOGen. O'Neill
Still no, Daniel.
But it doesn't have to be on a permanent basis!
GOGen. O'Neill
I didn't let you go in the first place. What makes you think I'm gonna change my mind?
Because.
GOGen. O'Neill
Can you try to do better than that?
Because they're going to need somebody who can translate Ancient. I'm the most qualified person left on the planet for the mission.
GOGen. O'Neill
Which is exactly why you're gonna stay right here.
[desperately] Because I'll quit!
GOGen. O'Neill
Why don't you just hold your breath? You haven't done that in a while.
[Jack and Daniel are arguing over Daniel going to Atlantis and find General Hammond in Jack's chair in his office.]
GOGen. O'Neill
General!
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
Jack. I let myself in, hope you don't mind.
GOGen. O'Neill
Absolutely not! Welcome.
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
Thank you.
GOGen. O'Neill
Miss the chair?
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
Actually I do.
GOGen. O'Neill
Want it back?
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
As a matter of fact I do. My new one just isn't the same.
GOGen. O'Neill
That's not exactly what I meant...
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
Doctor Jackson. Nice to see you again.
Likewise. We miss you around here, sir. [Jack gives him an angry stare] So, to what do we owe this pleasure?
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
I came to see if you were interested in joining the mission to Atlantis.
Gen. O'Neill & Daniel Jackson: You did?
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
He's the most qualified person on this planet, and the mission commander needs someone who can translate Ancient.
Really?
GOGen. O'Neill
With all due respect, sir, I think you should tell the mission commander that I need Daniel right here.
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
You just did.
GOGen. O'Neill
I did. I did? [pauses] You, sir?
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
Yes. Request denied. Doctor Jackson, you're with me. I'll have this chair shipped to Washington. You can requisition a new one.
GOGen. O'Neill
I'll do that, sir.
MGMajor General George S. Hammond
We leave tomorrow. Oh, and I'll be taking Walter, too.
[Hammond leaves, while O'Neill wears the expression of one who has no idea what just happened]
[A Kull warrior has taken over the Prometheus, and has Jackson tied to the captain's chair.]
Where's everybody else?
KWKull Warrior
I transported them onto the al'kesh.
Well, you kept the wrong guy, 'cause I don't know anything about the ship.
KWKull Warrior
But you are very attractive.
[coughs in shock] What?
[The warrior moves in front of Daniel and straddles his legs]
[trying to squirm away] Hey, you know, big guy, I'm flattered, really I am, it's just that, uh, you're not my type. And I'm more than a little disturbed that I might be yours.
[in pain] Oh, oh, oh, you hit me!
You hit me.
Yeah, you know, we could just have sex instead.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.