TV show quotes
[President Hayes is reading through SG-1's reports]
"Hosted alien dignitaries"… "Acquired alien technology"… "Traveled back in time"? …Did they really blow up a sun?
As I understand it, sir, yes they did.
That's gotta look awfully good on the ol' résumé, eh?
How these people maintain their sanity is beyond me. I'm having trouble just sitting here listening to it.
[Talking to Dr. Jackson over the phone]
No, no, no, wait. Don't hang up. I need a seven-letter word.
I told Sam I wouldn't help you.
Well then, this will be the one thing she doesn't know. "Up, Down, Charm"... Blank.
"Strange."
Yeah, well, thanks anyway.
No, the word you're looking for is... [O'Neill hangs up]
[Cut to Colonel O'Neill stepping out of the elevator where Daniel, Teal'c and Sam are waiting impatiently]
How long have you been standing there?
You said half an hour an hour ago.
General Hammond is waiting for us.
[Colonel O'Neill hands Maj. Carter the crossword puzzle]
The fate of the universe is hanging in the balance and you've been sitting in your truck finishing this?
I believe the bet was double or nothing. [SG1 begins walking up the stairs towards the briefing room]
Okay, 23 across, "the atomic weight of boron." The answer is ten.
So?
You wrote "fat."
Your point?
[Describing the particulars of the Ancient device] Except for it wasn't meant for a physiology as primitive as ours.
Easy fella ...
Sorry.
[Sitting on the ground] You know we've searched this place up and down...
I know.
We could have Goa'uld on our collective asses any minute now...
I know....According to the text on this column, it's inside.
[Sarcastically] Inside you say. Well let me tell you my friend. There is no inside. There's just a whole lot of [Hands pointing out for dramatic effect] outside.
... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....
What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?
Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.
Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.
The last time, it did take a couple of days before we noticed any change in the Colonel's behavior.
I'll be back on Monday ready to work.
Permission granted.
Thank you sir. Now if you'll excuse me, my favorite television show starts in half an hour. [He walks away]
[At Col. O'Neill's house]
Hammond send you by to check up on me?
No! It's funny really, I was out driving, you know....in my car, and I um... I drove here. [Laughs nervously] Yeah ...
[Mockingly] "Funny."
Yeah...
Sir? [Sits down next to him on the sofa]
[After a long pause of her just staring at him] What?
I should have done it.
What? Stuck your head in that thing? Are you nuts? Carter. You're one of this country's natural resources. If not National treasures. It couldn't have gone down any other way. I just hope it's worth it...
Even if we do find the Lost City. Even if we get there and find exactly what we're looking for to defend the planet....
[Interrupts her] THAT ... would be worth it. [Jack and Sam stare at each other until a knock at the door interrupts their moment]
[Opens the front door and pops his head in] Hello!?
[Sam smiles in disappointment. Jack sideways glances at her before calling out to Daniel and Teal'c] In here!
[He and Teal’c slowly walk in the door. They peer around the corner ans see Sam and Jack sitting close] Oh sorry, are we interrupting anything?
[Dismissively] No...
What are you doing here?
Oh we ... well it's ... it's a funny story actually. We, we, ah, were driving by and we, uh ... saw Sam's car in the driveway, and ... and ... uh ...
[Nudging Sam's arm, sarcastically] Funny.
... Teal'c said to me. Well he didn't actually say anything. He just kinda looked at me and did that eyebrow raise thing that he kinda does and I said to him, I said 'hey, why don't we stop by and'...
[Interrupts Daniel] Is that doughnuts?
[Holds up the box, beaming] Indeed!
[a la Monty Burns] Excellent!
[Everyone is very drunk]
You are so wrong. It's a perfect analogy: Burns as Goa'uld.
They are merely animated characters, O'Neill.
You are so shallow.
Oh, Please! Teal'c's like one of the deepest people I know. He's so deep. [to Teal'c] Come-come on, tell 'em how deep you are. [to O'Neill, excitedly] You'll be lucky if you understand this.
My depth is immaterial to this conversation.
Oooo! Y'see!
No more beer for you.
I'm sorry, sir, but I have to agree. I don't see the connection.
All right, that does it. You know, the entire VHS collection was going to one of you. It's going to Siler. He gets it.
I hope you like Guinness, sir. I find it a refreshing substitute for… food.
I remember when we were first trying to get the Stargate to work, I would come here and just stare at it for hours.
Is that a gentle reminder that you've been an important part of this since the very beginning?
Subtle, huh?
[It is also a lie, as Daniel never saw the stargate before he figured out how it worked]
I've been awake all weekend. The reality of this is…it's an adrenaline rush.
Hey, at least I know you have a beating heart!
[Anubis has announced his plan to invade Earth in three days.]
Three days from now's a Thursday. Thursday's no good for us.
[Master Bra'tac comes through the Stargate, walks down the ramp and gives Dr. Weir an odd look.]
This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She's the new leader of this facility.
[Dr. Weir extends her hand.]
Hello.
Has Hammond of Texas fallen in battle?
Oh, no sir, he's fine!
And you are?
I am Dr. Elizabeth Weir. Colonel.
You can just call her your one hope of ever stepping through the stargate again.
Bit of a mouthful.
I know I'm playing catch-up, but uh, I understand time is short.
Actually it's all relative, ma'am; Carter could explain it better if we had more time.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stargate SG-1 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
