George Hammond quotes from Stargate SG-1

I take it your mission was successful?

Maj. Carter

In a word, sir: yes.

Col. O'Neill

In two words: yes, sir.

Col. O'Neill

And when Earth gets hit by that rock and we're all wiped out, that's gonna be unfortunate too?

Freyr

Very.

Col. O'Neill

... and after that I kinda lost my temper.

What exactly does that mean?

Daniel Jackson

Let's just say Jack made a reference to Freyr's mother.

I will draft a letter to the Kelownan leader—

Col. O'Neill

General, you cannot capitulate to these people. They are lying bastards.

Col. Checkov feels that as a symbol of our joint efforts, a Russian officer should be assigned to join SG-1.

Col. O'Neill

Over my rotting corpse, Sir.

[sternly] Colonel…

Col. O'Neill

[innocently] I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?

I said I would discuss it with you and that I was sure you would give it some careful thought.

Col. O'Neill

And that I will, General, but I'm still pretty sure I'll say, "Bite me."

Maj. Carter

They're still analyzing the flight data recorder, but it looks like a 605-3 error.

Forgive me?

Col. O'Neill

It's the one after 605-2, sir.

Col. O'Neill

You sure you want to take this with you, sir?

We're closed for business. I was supposed to retire five years ago. We don't know how long it's going to be before we can re-establish the Stargate Program, if ever.

Col. O'Neill

Actually, I just meant, it says "Property of US Air Force" on it.

Teal'c

[into radio] The crew appears to have abandoned ship.

That's good to hear. I don't mind telling you that we've been holding our breath down here.

Teal'c

That is most unwise.

Col. O'Neill

I have nothing against them defending themselves but…how do we know they'll stop there?

You sound like Dr. Jackson.

Col. O'Neill

[sarcastically] We spent some time together.

How much does she know?

Major Davis

She thinks Prometheus is some kind of fusion reactor.

Then maybe we don't have a problem.

Col. O'Neill

Suffice to say you might want to get upstairs and punch "1" [supposedly the President] on the old speed dial.

[confused] My grandchildren?

Col. O'Neill

"2" then.

Daniel! Will you tell them who I am? Please?

Dr. Jackson

Okay. Love to. Who are you?

This boy claims he's Colonel O'Neill.

Dr. Jackson

This is a joke right?

Daniel!

Dr. Jackson

Sounds like him, at least the loud grating part.

Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has, somehow, regressed more than 30 years overnight?

Dr. Jackson

Stranger things have happened.

Teal'c

Name but one.

Dr. Jackson

Well, there was the time he got really old, the time he became a caveman, the time we all swapped bodies...

Dr. Jackson

[surprised] So, you believe me, too?

The things I've heard sitting in this chair…

You're suggesting that Osiris is here on Earth manipulating Dr. Jackson's dreams?

Maj. Carter

We think it's possible, sir.

Col. O'Neill

Kinky.

Maj. Carter

... It will overwhelm his nervous system, and the Colonel will....

Col. O'Neill

What? Meet my maker? Pay the piper? Reach the pearly gates? Start pushing up daisies here and there?

Colonel, you should be in the infirmary.

Col. O'Neill

Why? We all know exactly what's gonna happen. In a few days I start speaking some strange language. A few days after that I start doing things beyond my control, and a few days after that, it's goodnight my someone, goodnight. So with your permission sir I'd like to take the weekend to get some personal things together.

Maj. Carter

The last time, it did take a couple of days before we noticed any change in the Colonel's behavior.

Col. O'Neill

I'll be back on Monday ready to work.

Permission granted.

Col. O'Neill

Thank you sir. Now if you'll excuse me, my favorite television show starts in half an hour. [He walks away]