Cameron Mitchell quotes from Stargate SG-1

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Sir, I don't mean to gripe.

General Landry

Permission to gripe granted.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

We're being put on babysitting duty?

General Landry

Don't underestimate the importance of this mission. This is the IOA. These people carry a lot of influence with the Stargate Program. How it's run, how it's funded. You should feel honored! Just, uh, don't keep them up past ten. And remember to read them a bedtime story before tucking them in for the night.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Hey look, I don't want to argue about this. I'm right, we'll leave it at that.

Dr. Jackson

[sarcastic] Compelling argument. Teal'c, what do you think?

Teal'c

I think I should have remained with the tour.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

When we get back, I'm going to help you find your own place.

Teal'c

That will be unnecessary.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Dude, what are friends for?

Teal'c

For listening when they are told that will be unnecessary.

Vala

It's funny, isn't it? Daniel always wanted to get in my pants, and now I'm in his.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Oh, that's not funny.

Vala

Hmm?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

He can't defend himself.

Vala

The village was run by this complete bear of a man named Seevis, who was both barkeep and administrator which seemed the oddest contradiction. He claimed to be the most pious man in the village. If anyone strayed from the path of righteousness, it was Seevis who made sure you were severely punished for it. But seems to be a lot more leeway for sin in the religion of Origin than one would presume from all the preaching.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

So it’s just like my grandma used to say. No point going to confession if you ain’t got nothing to confess.

Vala

Exactly.

Teal'c

You stated you had information of great importance.

Vala

I do, I do. And I'm getting there.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

We get the back story. Tomin is a nice guy, Seevis is a butthead. How about you skip ahead a little?

Vala

Okay. Tomin and I got married—

Lt. Colonel Carter

Whoa, married?

Vala

Stay with me. I had no choice. I told you, he was very devout, and there's no way he would have slept with me out of wedlock.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Okay, maybe we skipped ahead a little too far.

Vala

Well, I tried to lay it out in order...Ooh, that's a bad choice of words.

Teal'c

You have been impregnated, without copulation.

Vala

Yes! And I'm absolutely terrified - have any of you ever heard anything like it?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

W-Well.. there is one.

Teal'c

Darth Vader.

Vala

Really? How did that turn out?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Well, actually, I was thinking about King Arthur.

Vala

So, this girl in the bar. Her name was Denya, and we struck up a bit of a friendship. By the looks on your faces, I can see you're not surprised I had more in common with the village harlot than I did with any of the ladies from the local knitting circle.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Don't know what you're talking about.

Vala

At least she was honest.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Hey, has anyone stopped to figure out how this thing might work? I mean, how do you kill something that's pure energy?

Dr. Jackson

Well, Merlin's research said nothing about killing. A more accurate translation would be "neutralize" or "cancel out".

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Well, that still begs a lot of questions. How do you aim at something you can't see?

Dr. Jackson

Clearly, it can't be a weapon in the conventional sense. See, ascended beings transcend ordinary space time as we know it. This device would have to do the same thing.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

In other words, you have no idea what it might be.

Dr. Jackson

Yeah, pretty much.

Lt. Colonel Carter

This sure looks like the place where Merlin might have lived.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

There could be dozens of villages in the area, just like this one. There is no way to be sure.

Dr. Jackson

Well... there is that... [points to a sword in a stone]

Dr. Jackson

[sarcastically] Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

No, I wasn't sleeping. Was Kel'no'reem-ing. Teal'c taught me the fundamentals.

Dr. Jackson

Did he mention you should remain conscious in the process?

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Yeah, I'm still working on the basics.

Dr. Jackson

Uh oh.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

What's "uh oh"?

Dr. Jackson

Nothing happened.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Bad.

Dr. Jackson

[holding up a book] Do you recognize this?

It is Sangraal.

Dr. Jackson

This is the Sangraal?

It is also known as the Blood Stone.

Dr. Jackson

Of course. Sang. Blood. Blood red for the color of the jewel.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. We're talking about the Holy Grail, right? Every movie I've seen, that's a cup.

Lt. Colonel Carter

If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, it won't work.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Marks, do you mind? [takes piloting controls] Hang on Sam, we're coming to get you.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Oh, boy.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Look, the sub-light engines don't have that much control. If you hit me, even at minimum velocity...

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

[into radio] I'm not going to hit you. [to himself] Not on purpose.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Even if you get me in past the shield, the artificial gravity will kick in. A fall from even thirty feet in this suit...

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Sam, stop worrying. Kvasir is riding the controls manually.

You're going too fast.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

This tub doesn't go any slower.