Daniel Jackson quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Jackson

I don't think I've ever seen anyone enjoy oatmeal so much.

Col. O'Neill

When you've been eating Froot Loops for who knows how long, a little variety helps.

Maj. Carter

We got a message from the Tok'ra. Apparently they've been trying to contact us for over three months.

Col. O'Neill

Really?

Maj. Carter

Who knows when they first realized we were cut off? I mean, there's really no telling how much time passed.

Dr. Jackson

Let me ask you something. In all the time you were…looping, were you ever tempted to…do something crazy? I mean, you could do anything without worrying about consequences.

Col. O'Neill

You know, it's funny, you've asked me that before. [looks at Carter]

Dr. Jackson

[Looks at Carter and smiles, then looks back at O'Neill] ...And?

If you're implying that everything Russian-made is of poor quality, the sub is Swiss.

Dr. Jackson

So it occasionally catches fire but keeps perfect time? [pause] Sorry. I think I've been hanging around Jack O'Neill too much.

The gauge must be malfunctioning.

Dr. Jackson

But it's Swiss.

Dr. Jackson

Okay, I know it seems completely unlikely that you understand a word I'm saying but, uh, I've gone about as far as I can go at this particular pace, so, with your permission, I'm going to fall down now. [collapses]

[glares]

Dr. Jackson

Rest! This is a thing you should, uh, become familiar with. Rest… It means, uh… "rest."

[growls]

Dr. Jackson

That's close. Try again: "grrrrest."

Dr. Jackson

Kaa kedka! [he cowers somewhat; the Unas stops short, surprised that Jackson speaks his language]

Maj. Carter

What did you just say?

Dr. Jackson

I think I just asked him not to kill me.

Col. O'Neill

And they're buying that?

Dr. Jackson

[as the Unas alpha begins to growl] No, I don't think so.

Nan! [He tosses the head in Daniel's direction. It lands in the dirt near Daniel's feet]

Dr. Jackson

Ka. [He picks up the head and tosses it back]

Nan. [He tosses the head back to Daniel. This back-and-forth head tossing continues throughout the following interchange, Chaka growing visibly amused throughout]

Dr. Jackson

Ka.

Nan. Jack O'Neill

Dr. Jackson

Ka.

Nan.

Dr. Jackson

Right. Uh, yes, uh, toss the symbiote head, that's very, very popular. Very, very interesting...Yes, all the kids are doing this...

Dr. Jackson

[With poorly-feigned disappointment] Oh! Look out... it's in the fire...

Maj. Carter

Does anyone know what this meeting's about?

Dr. Jackson

No but I hope it's important. I was right in the middle of translating that cuneiform tablet we found on P30-255.

Maj. Carter

I still have to finish recalibrating MALP 3KA's sensors for long term reconnaissance on P5X-327.

Teal'c

I was unable to complete my Kel no'reem.

Col. O'Neill

[after a pause] I was just about to...do...something important.

Dr. Jackson

Something tells me we don't need to worry about this guy.

Maj. Carter

Except for the fact he happens to be very close to the truth.

Dr. Jackson

Oh, Hello! Sam, you're gonna wanna…take a look this!

Maj. Carter

Whoa, that's quite a collection! Tranquilizers, antidepressants, antipsychotics. Looks like our friend here has been treated for a number of different psychiatric problems.

Dr. Jackson

Yeah, why doesn't that surprise me?

Dr. Jackson

But… it doesn't look like anyone's place of work, there's… no one here.

Maj. Carter

Except for the guys with guns!

Dr. Jackson

Oh, that's very good! Did you draw that yourself?

Maj. Carter

What is it?

Dr. Jackson

That… That's a duck, isn't it?

Major Davis

Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Samantha Carter, Doctor Daniel Jackson, allow me to introduce Lieutenant General Vidrine.

General Vidrine

Colonel.

Jack O'Neill

General.

General Vidrine

Major.

Maj. Carter

General.

General Vidrine

Doctor.

Dr. Jackson

General.

General Vidrine

General Hammond has told me nothing but good things.

Jack O'Neill

Has he, Sir? [Joking] Well, then I'm sure he's left something out.

General Vidrine

Such as?

Jack O'Neill

[Into Radio] Teal'c? Ya there, buddy?

Dr. Jackson

[Over Goa'uld radio]: I am a Lord! My identity is the Great and Powerful Oz!

Dr. Jackson

[Over Goa'uld radio]: I am Oz, listen!

Lame trick, This is a deception!

Jacob

Alright, we're almost finished, Sam's just finishing up.

Dr. Jackson

Uh...that's good 'cause I don't think they bought my act.

Jacob

Why? Who'd you say you were?

Dr. Jackson

The uh...Great and Powerful Oz.

Jacob

SAM!

Dr. Jackson

We were hoping you could kinda... um, like... beam them out.

Jacob

Beam them out? What am I, Scotty?

Col. O'Neill

[sarcastically, picking up books Jackson dropped] Sure you got everything?

Dr. Jackson

Wanna try to reprogram that mine without the proper translation?

Col. O'Neill

Thought of a laptop?

Dr. Jackson

Well, I had one, I just couldn't get Beck's Ancient Phoenician Symbology on CD at archeology.com, so…

Col. O'Neill

[pushes Jackson's glasses back up his nose]

Looks like a circle with a cross in it.

Dr. Jackson

Uh, that could be it.

Okay, what do I do?

Jacob

Pretty sure you touch it.

Col. O'Neill

Pretty sure???

Jacob

Last time a Tok'ra was sent to attempt this we never heard from him again.

Col. O'Neill

Well that's news!

Dr. Jackson

No, I think that's it.

You THINK?

Dr. Jackson

Okay I'm... I'm sure that's it.

Dr. Jackson

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!

Col. O'Neill

HEY!

Dr. Jackson

No, no, sorry. Uh, that's it, I'm sure.