Beckett Mariner quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

Brad Boimler

Anyway, I'm into it. We get to rub shoulders with the visiting crew, maybe impress another captain.

Beckett Mariner

Oh, you're just excited to kiss a whole new butt, aren't you?

Brad Boimler

Well, I wouldn't put it like that, but yes. Very.

Beckett Mariner

Dude, what is wrong with you?

Brad Boimler

Nothing. I'm just phasing. No biggie.

Beckett Mariner

Disagree. Kind of a biggie.

Have you seen Ransom's photon torpedo?

Beckett Mariner

Barf! No! Disgusting! No, for real, that is big barf!

Beckett Mariner

Rutherford, we need your transporter thing up and running! Now!

Sam Rutherford

It made Boimler weird!

Beckett Mariner

BOIM US OUT OF HERE!

Beckett Mariner

Roga Danar? are you nuts? I said who's the all time biggest badass not who's a dude nobody's heard about.

Brad Boimler

Everyone knows Roga Danar.

Beckett Mariner

No they don't.

Brad Boimler

He totally outsmarted Picard, and he has amazing hair.

Beckett Mariner

What about Khan, right? Khan was a genetically engineered super villain! Dude was a space seed!

Beckett Mariner

We'll fake it.'

Brad Boimler

Fake what?!

Beckett Mariner

It!

Captain Carol Freeman

What the hell are you doing?!

Beckett Mariner

You said 'Send them a message.' That means phasers!

Captain Carol Freeman

It means to send them a message to invite them to dinner!"

Beckett Mariner

No it doesn't!

I challenge you all to a duel! Pick your weapons. I pick the mind.

Beckett Mariner

Get out of here, Q! No! We are done with random stuff today. We're not dealing with any of your Q bull----.

Oh s'il vous plait, Mariner. I want to put humanity to the ultimate test.

Beckett Mariner

Okay, I'm not French. No. Go find Picard.

Oh, Picard. He's no fun, he's always quoting Shakespeare, he's always making wine…

Mariner, this report is a veritable fruit salad of insubordination.

Beckett Mariner

I don't want to be here. I broke the rules. I'm supposed to be in the brig!

Sorry. Captain's orders. She wants us to meet every week cooking up some healthy strategies to marinate you into the officer she knows you can be.

Beckett Mariner

I don't want your help! I want to show the captain that she's wrong, and then get put! In! The! Brig!

Full stop, Beckett. We need to find an outlet for all that rage. Have you ever made paella?

Beckett Mariner

Oh, when are you going to give up the 'loving captain' act?

It's not an act! I'm overflowing with love and affection!

Beckett Mariner

Oh, shut up!

You shut up!

I know all your moves, and everything about you. I know you dressed up as Toby Targ every Halloween, even when you were too old. And I know that you actually love the warp core!

Take that back! The warp core's lame!

I may hate protocol, but I don't hate this ship. (coughing) I don't hate the crew. I work with my best friends. The captain's my mom. I would do anything for her.

Oh come on! No, you hate the captain. You complain about her non stop. It's your whole thing.

(coughing) Yeah, I mean she's hard on me, right? She's the captain and I'm a pain in the ass. But if she kicks me off the Cerritos (coughing) I'd be done in Starfleet. She's watching out for me the only way she knows how in her *bleep* overbearing mom way.

Oh please! The only person you care about is yourself.

[laughing madly] Okay, then why did I let you kick my ass to buy time for everyone to get off the ship before the self-destruct timer went off?

[stunned] Wait, what?! [as the hologram Mariner laughes, the self-destruct detonates, ending the holoprogram]

D'Vana Tendi

Um, so do you wanna go maybe sit and look at the warp core with me?

Beckett Mariner

Wow, so lame! Yes, let's do it.

Sam Rutherford

We talking warp core? Ooh baby, I'm in!

Jack Ransom

From now on, I'll make sure to give you special attention.

Carol Freeman

No! Be as hard on her as you always are!

Beckett Mariner

Yeah, be hard on me!

Jack Ransom

I'm only hard on you when you make me hard! I mean I'm – I'm not hard right now! I mean I could – I could get hard, if I wanted to, but I'm not hard right now. I'm so sorry! You're both great!

Hey, Mariner! I'm Lieutenant Levy. We went on a date last year. I don't know if you recall.

Beckett Mariner

Yeah, Steve, I remember. You said Wolf 359 was an inside job.

It totally was. So, hey, I was wondering, could you give this to your mom for me? It's just a few ideas I threw together on how to decorate the captain's yacht.

Beckett Mariner

Fine. Whatever.

You're the best. Thanks, Mariner. Changelings aren't real. The Dominion War didn't happen!