Jack Ransom quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

Jack Ransom

Let's ---- this ---- up!

Jack Ransom

Poisonous, carnivorous, strength of ten men? Ha, sound like my ex.

Jack Ransom

So what has you seeking asylum? Religious persecution? Leading a rebellion? Some sort of sex stuff?

Nothing like a cold beer after a smooth second contact.

Jack Ransom

Now, that’s what I’m talking about.

Jack Ransom

Oh, what happened? Where am I? And… did I eat flesh?

D’Vana Tendi

Uh, hardly any.

Jack Ransom

HOW MUCH DID I EAT?!

Jack Ransom

Ok, that was a rough start. FYI, in situations like that try employing the Janeway protocol.

Sam Rutherford

Got it. And what’s that?

Jack Ransom

[laughs] Good one.

Captain, we're directly in the path of a small asteroid. Should we move to avoid?

Sam Rutherford

Uh, do the Janeway Protocol.

Uh, are you sure, sir?

Sam Rutherford

...Yes?

Collision alert, sir! The kindergarten on Deck 8, it's gone!

Sam Rutherford

Uh, uh... [another collision]

No. No no no, now the pre-K is gone! All the ship's children have been ejected into space!

Sam Rutherford

[mortified] All those kids...

Jack Ransom

Freeze program! In thousands of simulations, that's literally never happened before. [excitedly] Let's try another one, on a ship with even MORE children!

Captain Carol Freeman

This ship is a joke!

Jack Ransom

Well, then we're the funniest joke in all of Starfleet.

Beckett Mariner

Permission to speak freely?

Jack Ransom

You always speak freely. Nobody can stop you from speaking freely!

Jack Ransom

[to two Starfleet security officers] Take her away, boys.

Beckett Mariner

What? Why?

Jack Ransom

Because you ignored me when I ordered you to roll down your sleeves. They're against code.

Beckett Mariner

The sleeve thing?! You're an idiot! [she kicks a tray of medical equipment at him]

Jack Ransom

You just earned an extra day in the brig!

Beckett Mariner

Joke's on you, man! I love the brig! I'm going to my favourite place! [she breaks free of the security officers and throws a bedpan at Ransom] Next time, I'm gonna let somebody kill you! I'm gonna dance in your blood! [the security officers drag her out]

Jack Ransom

[perturbed] Ok. That was kind of hot.

Captain Carol Freeman

Has Mariner submitted her transfer request? I'm going to frame it.

Jack Ransom

She's… having a great time.

Captain Carol Freeman

What?!

Jack Ransom

She's finding little ways to inject joy into otherwise horrible tasks.

Captain Carol Freeman

Then give her worse jobs.

Jack Ransom

I've got her emptying ---- out of the holodeck's ---- filter!

Captain Carol Freeman

… Ugh. People really use it for that?

Jack Ransom

Oh yeah. It's mostly that.

Carol Freeman

Ugh. Landru.

Jack Ransom

I know, it's always weird revisiting planets from the TOS era.

Carol Freeman

TOS?

Jack Ransom

It's what I call the 2260s. Stands for 'those old scientists' – You know, Spock, Scotty, those guys. Seems like they were stumbling on crazy new aliens every week back then.

Jack Ransom

From now on, I'll make sure to give you special attention.

Carol Freeman

No! Be as hard on her as you always are!

Beckett Mariner

Yeah, be hard on me!

Jack Ransom

I'm only hard on you when you make me hard! I mean I'm – I'm not hard right now! I mean I could – I could get hard, if I wanted to, but I'm not hard right now. I'm so sorry! You're both great!

Carol Freeman

This doesn't make any sense. The Pakleds aren't this powerful.

Jack Ransom

I thought they were kind of a joke.

Brad Boimler

Yeah, you guys aren't wrong. Pakleds would fake distress calls so they could steal technology from anyone who showed up to help, but I'm detecting weapons from over thirty different species.

Carol Freeman

Ah, looks like they're not a joke anymore.

Jack Ransom

Deanna, can you introduce me to any of your Betazoid friends?

Jack, I sense you exaggerate your confidence in order to mask an ocean of insecurity.

Jack Ransom

Oh, will they sense that too? I can make that work for me.