Mariner quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

It hurts me to say this, but maybe the bridge crew's jobs are actually harder than we thought.

Drills, what a waste of time. I'd even take real work over this, like, fake, pretend work.

OH! Fail me! Fail me! Seriously, why is this drill still going?! Fail me! Put-Put me back in the western!

[after recapturing the Moopsy] Gotcha, you cuddly little murderer!

Freeman

Shari yn Yem is no longer working for Starfleet. Apparently, she's stepped down because of on the job stress.

Feels good, ruining a jerk's career.

I can't believe we didn't even make it out of the space dock.

Freeman

There's not even a numerical score for that. Just 'incomplete'

Oof, somehow, that feels worse.

I knew it! That mirror universe drill was rigged!

They were all rigged!

And those horses? I would never get trampled by a horse!

Oh, actually, no. The horses weren't rigged. I ran out of time. That one's on you.

Horses love me! Shut up!

Get me out of here! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Whoop, whoop! Oh, we could do this all day, lady!

I think it was the chef in the biolab with the sniper rifle that can shoot through walls.

Freeman

You always pick the chef.

Yeah, because we have replicators. Why is there a chef? That's just shady.

Why would you tell an entire shift I get bad cramps?!

Freeman

You were on duty! Your commanding officers have to know any medical issues that could impact the mission!

Billups doesn't need to know! He's not good with that stuff, it freaked him out!"

Freeman

If I had to dance around everything that freaks out Billups, we wouldn't get anything done!

Cool! Then maybe I'll tell him to boost the environmental controls to help with your hot flashes!

[terrified] Oh ****, the Moopsy is free!

[sarcastically] Oh no, your cuddliest prisoner is loose! Whatever shall we do?

You don't understand! Everything here is incredibly dangerous!

Moopsy! [the Moopsy finds its way into the Pyrithian swamp gobbler enclosure]

Commander Jack Ransom

Can't be worse than the swamp gobblers.

Of course it's worse! They only gobble you! The Moopsy drinks your bones!

[skeptical] How does something drink bones? [the Moopsy devours the swamp gobblers to the horror of the away team] HOLY ****!

Run! Run for your lives!

Badgey

[with maniacal glee] I can feel myself coursing, dancing across the LCARS, tickling the isolinear chips! I am now in every ship, every computer, every PADD, every combadge! The power is more than I imagined! I can detonate every warp core! I can kill anyone I want! [in realisation] But why?

[confused] Why what?

Badgey

Why did I care about any of this? I have unlimited power and infinite knowledge. I exist in the past, present, and future. I can see the creation of time and its end. Organic, synthetic, all life are strands in the fabric of reality. It's beautiful. [he chuckles nervously] Ooh, sorry about all the drama. Well, I'm gonna go to an empty dimension and create a universe now. Maybe hang out with the Q Continuum or check out the Black Mountain. [he ascends to a higher plane]

[nervous]Badgey? If you didn't really just accidentally turn into an omniscient god, you have to tell us. Rutherford, is he messing with us?

I think he really did ascend.

[sarcastic] Nice landing.

[annoyed] I'm sorry, you have notes on me saving our lives?!

I wouldn't have crashed into a cave.

We lost power, shuttles are shaped like bricks: what was I supposed to do?!

Nick, am I a prisoner here?

Wha-? No! I saved you from those Romulans and Klingons. Beamed you right up here to the Nova One.

I didn't need saving!

I can't even tell you how lucky I am! You're exactly who I need right now! The timing couldn't be better. It's what we always wanted back at the Academy.

I barely knew you then.

Oh, come on! You were practically a junior member of Nova Squadron! We're back, but now, we're Nova Fleet!

Nova what?! [looks out the window and stares at the gathered fleet in horror]

[broadcasting to the entire Alpha Quadrant] Hello, Alpha Quadrant. Independent Captain Nick Locarno here with a message for anyone who feels like an afterthought.

[watching aboard the Cerritos] He looks like Tom Paris.

Boimler

[aboard the Cerritos] I don't see it.

You may have been told scary stories of ships being destroyed these past few months, but that was a lie. They weren't destroyed, they were liberated. They're part of the first totally independent, unaligned fleet in the Alpha Quadrant.

Boimler

[scoffs] Er, the Maquis would like a word.

If you're tired of risking your life for soulless bureaucratic captains who don't even know your name, if you fear following the orders of incompetent commanders who fell into seats of power, if you're stuck on the lower decks, then I invite you to join us in the Detrion system.

They have, like, the same face. They're identical.

Boimler

No, I just don't see it.

Detrion, a forgotten system now protected by my indestructible Trynar Shield.

Tendi

Geez, why is he so mad?

Ransom

[disgusted] Locarno was kicked out of Starfleet. He got one of his squad killed performing a banned flight maneuver, then tried to cover it up.

T'Lyn

Clearly his emotional behaviour conflicts with his culpability.

Dr. T'Ana

Yeah, he's a (bleep)hole.

And in case anyone wants to try and force their way in, I've acquired a little insurance; a black market Ferengi Genesis Device.

Tendi

[horrified] Those can rewrite the atomic composition of entire worlds!

Ransom

He could wipe out life on any planet he chooses!

The man has lost his mind!

The Federation, the Klingon Empire, the Romulan Empire, everyone has to respect Nova Fleet! Speaking of, I have an officer here who knows how to speak truth to power. Beckett, care to tell them what Starfleet's really like?

Oh. [nervously approaches the camera] Er, hey. What up, everyone? I have an important message to all you lower deckers out there... [looks direct into the camera and points at Locarno] THIS GUY SUCKS!

[taken aback] What?!

He's an idiot and his plan's stupid! He's gonna get you all killed because he only cares about himself! [Mariner grabs the Genesis Device and runs]

Stop her! End that transmission!

[proudly] Attagirl!