[reads school paper in bed] Wow. Wow, this is so great. Have you ever read the elementary school newspaper, Linda? There's no ads, no sponsored content, no links to click on. Just news stories about what's happening. Did you know that the police in ShiTpaTown beat up homeless to clear them out? Do you know long it's been since I was able to just sit back and read the news? I got so used to getting news off the Internet. But I feel like I'm always trying to chase the news somehow. [sets paper down] It's like... I'm in a black void, trying to reach the news story. [sees himself running in a void of content] But then the next thing I know I'm reading an ad for Gieco. So I click out of that and try to read the news story but it's not a news story, it's a slideshow! And I'm looking at the "Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgery Jobs Ever". So of course I want to see the next line of plastic surgery gone wrong, so I hit the arrow, but then the arrow wasn't the arrow for the next slide, it was to take me to an ad for face cream. Haugh! I wanted to get a news story, but I'm reading about face cream and I try to click out of it, but the ad is following me, it's-it's following me all over the screen!! Nooo! So I click on the close button, but it wasn't a close button, it was another slideshow, and I just want to know what's happening in the Middle East, but instead, I'm looking at the "Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time", and that's not the arrow for the next slide, it's another ad! Aaagh!! [comes back to reality] But this... this is just news. And I don't get lost in all the bull shoot. [sees Linda focusing on her smartphone] Linda? LINDA!!
“Sponsored Content” · Season 19, Episode 8
In this episode: Randy Marsh (1), Sharon Marsh (1), Stephen Stotch (1), Jimmy (1), Officer Barbrady (1), PC Principal (1)
Hello. You're the boy responsible for the South Park Super School News?
That's right.
We would like to give you $26 million. Contracts, and the first check. We'd love to be in business with you.
What is this for?
I represent an organization called Gieco. It's an insurance company. We think Super School News would be a great way for us to reach new customers.
Sorry Charlie, but I don't allow ads in my newspaper.
We've heard all about that, so we thought you could just do some ...news stories about car insurance. Just state the facts, because the truth is, everyone can save by switching to Gieco.
That's called "sponsored content." I know the difference between the news and ads. Do you think I'm stupid?
Everyone's doing it, Jim. You're sort of the last holdout. $26 million just to write some news stories that get people thinking about their insurance coverage?
Us us us, stick it up your ass!
Hm. Well, they said you'd be tough. Do you really think you can stop ads?
Yes.
You can try to block ads, but they get smarter. The more we try to shut them out, the more clever they get. There's a war coming, kid, and I'm gonna make sure I'm on the right side of it. [gets shot in the back of his head and killed by Officer Barbrady]
Officer Barbrady?
Come with me if you want to live! Come on! Come with me if you want to live! I'm serious!
Do you want to explain to me what "pussy crushing" is?
What?
Your little meetings you go to at night to discuss social justice?! It's just a way to pick up on young women?!
Sh-Sharon, most of the guys in my PC club are right out of college, alright? You know how college kids are.
I don't want you going over there anymore!
I don't cheat on you, Sharon! I'm happy. Look at what's happened to our town. We have ShiTpaTown, boutique restaurants and artisan shops. We have a fucking Whole Foods, and that was all me! Diverse people are moving here, and everyone is being aware of how they talk. This is paradise, Sharon!
McKinsey, you got consent forms?
Oh, yeah! Right here, bro! [hands consent forms to him]
Rise and shine, guys! If you scored last night, I'll need your consent forms! [the bros hand over their forms] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you—whoa! Barker, did you perform cunnilingus? There's a different release form, bro.
Yeah, uh, s-sorry, it's right here.
Nice.
[runs to PC Principal Peter Charles] Bro!! Aw, dude, bro!! Peter Charles!
What, bro? Bro! Robert! You're here! Aw! It's so good to see you. Tell me what happened.
Dude, I scored with this female and after consenting to putting her mouth on my penis, she wanted me to walk her home.
Yeah?
And when I got to her house she had me meet her father who is Filipino, so I asked him if he could tell me about their cultural and social dynamic to being a Filipino-American.
Naturally.
So he said some stuff, and then the newspaper landed on his doorstep, 'cause I guess her dad subscribes to the school newspaper, and he picked it up and I saw the headline said this! [he shows the paper to PC Principal Peter Charles which headline reads "'PC' STANDS FOR PUSSY CRUSHING"; he grabs paper]
What the heck is this, bro?
Peter Charles Bro, that little kid wrote that our tolerant views and fight for social justice is just a way for us to crush puss!
THAT'S NOT TRUE!!
I KNOW, Peter Charles BRO!!! WE'RE BEING TOTALLY VICTIMIZED!!!
I KNOW THAT LITTLE SUCKER, DUDE!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.