Sorry Chad, can't talk, I'm in a hurry.
Oh right, right that whole secret prom, [Sonny turns around] They're not that much of a secret when every kid on the lot is walking around with fliers that read 'Secret Prom!'
Aren't you excited? I'm even excited about how excited I am!
Yeah, we're not really feeling that over at the Falls...mostly we just think it's dumb?
Well, if you think it's so dumb, then maybe you and your little snobby friends at Mackenzie Falls shouldn't come.
Good! 'Cause your officially uninvited.
Good 'Cause we officially wouldn't have come anyway.
You're only saying that cause I just uninvited you.
You only uninvited me because I just said I didn't wanna come.
How is this suppose to break up Bitterman and Marshall?
(takes out Mackenzie falls script) Episode 319 of Mackenzie Falls! Bigfoot gets the girl, it's a classic!
(takes script away from Chad) Oh my gosh! This is your plan? This isn't real! This is a show!
Sonny, sometimes life imitates art! Okay? And this piece of art happens to be about a couple who takes a drive up Lookout Mountain for a romantic evening...
Yeah, and then Bigfoot comes out the woods and scares them!
Yeah, and the guy gets so freaked out, he runs away.
And that gets the girl to break up with him...
Oh my gosh...THAT IS THE WORST PLAN I'VE EVER HEARD FROM THE WORST SHOW I'VE NEVER SEEN! (Chad looks insulted)
Well, here come the lovebirds, so unless you like the chewy tastes of worms...
Sonny: Nico, put your head back on!
Guys I have a confession to make. I asked for a cup of water but I filled it up with soda. (sees that it's not Nico, Grady and Tawni) And you're not Nico, Grady or Tawni. (laughs nervously) I was-I was kidding about the soda. (goes to another table when she thinks she sees the real Grady) Guys the weirdest thing just happened to me and it's happening again! (sees more Nico, Grady and Tawni lookalikes) Oh no. It's that dream where I end up on t.v. wearing nothing but a hat. (checks if she's in a dream)
(walks in the cafeteria with Nico) (referring to someone that looks like Nico) What is up Nico? My man, my man! You were great in that Gassie sketch. Just funny.
I'm standing right next you.
No you're not. You're right there standing next to me. (sees two people that look like them then gasps) Dude, this means our time machine has worked!
That wasn't a time machine! It was a clock! And that ain't you! And those aren't Sonnies! And those aren't-
(gasps) Then who the heck are you people?
Now that's definitely Tawni.
What is going on in here? (sees the real Sonny) Uh Sonny are we in your stupid hat dream?
I have no idea what's going on.
Hi, you must be Sonny, I'm Chad.
(reading the script) Oh my gosh! You're Chad Dylan Cooper! Possibly the greatest actor of our generation! (stops reading) Are you kidding me with this?
Sonny, I'm giving you a chance here, okay? Just read the lines. Let's just jump to the part where Sonny punches my costar. AND ACTION!
I never punched your costar.
Are you kidding me? I'm so not a diva!
You know what? This is ridiculous. I'm out of here.
Good! And good luck trying to find a better me than me. Because nobody knows me the way that I know me. (opens the door and sees Selena Gomez)
(shocked) Oh my gosh! Selena Gomez!
Can I get your autograph? Here, sign this lousy script.
(walks past Sonny) Hey Chad. I got your text. And yes, I'll play the part of Sonny.
Personally I think the character's kind of dull but I'll liven her up. (turns to Sonny) And you are?
The dull girl that you need to liven up.
(speaks through the megaphone) Awkward.
(walking to table with snacks with Selena following her) Can I help you?
(into tape recorder) Not a very good dancer.
What are you doing and why are you saying things about me into a recorder?
Well if I'm going to play you I want to play you honestly and realistically. (into tape recorder) Flat hair.
(into tape recorder) Defensive about hair.
Look, I'm sorry. It's just that I really like to get into my characters.
Oh, I know how you feel. One time I played a dog in a sketch. I got so into my character (laughs) I dug a hole in the backyard.
And then I ate my homework. Oh then I bit the mailman!
Well, if someone has to play me I'm glad it's Selena Gomez.
If there's anything you want to know about me, just ask.
I just want to know...are you mad at me because I got the part and you didn't?
What? (high pitched) Girl, no. No.
(into tape recorder) Voice gets high when in denial.
(high pitched) I am not- (low pitched) I am not in denial. Look you don't know Chad. It's just...this is so typical of him. He just wants to push my buttons.
(into tape recorder) Has buttons.
Okay, now we're about to do the scene when you barge in the set of MacKenzie Falls. Now when this happened, do you remember how you felt?
Probably mad because I'm always mad when I have to go see Chad.
Right, but clearly you're mad at yourself because of how much you like him.
Right...WHAT?! I don't like Chad! (low pitched) I mean, I don't like Chad.
(shows Sonny the script) Sure you do. It's right here in the script.
What?! Give me that! (takes the script and reads it) All it says is, "Fine! Fine! Good! Good! Fine! Fine!"
It's not what the lines say. It's what's between the lines.
(scoffs) There is nothing between those lines. Trust me.
(holding her tape recorder)
(takes the tape recorder) Now hear this. I'm not in denial. Which, I know sounds like I'm in denial but I'm not. So.....we're good. (gives the tape recorder back)
(walks in and talks through megaphone) Okay people. Here we go. Chad Dylan Cooper: The Chad Dylan Cooper Story. Sonny Barges in Mackenzie Falls Set: Take 1. (to Selena) Ms. Gomez, on your mark if you please.
(gets ready to do the scene)
Thank you. (to Sonny in megaphone) No extras on set.
Okay people. I want to see real energy and real emotion. And ACTION! (gives his megaphone, scarf and beret to Bart and prepares for the scene) Look Portlyn, summer's almost over and once the falls come back to the Falls I need to be free. Shh. Time for talking is over.
(walks on set) What's the matter with you?!
What's the matter with me?! What's the matter with.....Wait those words didn't come out of your mouth.
You've got great legs Portlyn. Let's see how they move. (punches Portlyn and Portlyn falls on a chair)
What do you think you're doing? You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making MacKenzie Falls magic.
(shocked and takes the megaphone) Cut! Cut! Cut it out!
I can't believe you kissed Chad! Where in the script does it say that 'Sonny kisses Chad?'
It's not in the script. I told you, I wanted to play your character honestly.
(laughs) And you think that I would kiss him?
Well, I would never kiss him.
No! Not anywhere! Not in a scene, not in a dream. Not in car. Not near, not far, not here, not there, not anywhere- I'm rhyming aren't I? See, I do that when I don't want to kiss someone.
Huh, well that line is in the script. Page eighteen, twenty two and twice on thirty nine.
He does say that a lot. (both Sonny and Selena laugh)
Well maybe it's because he has the same issues as you do.
Wha-? Pfft! What are you? Some kind of expert on how people feel about each other? Some sort of relationship...wh-what's the word? [gasps] WIZARD! YES! You like to sprinkle your wizardy relationship dust over people who you think you know, but you don't! No, you don't! So you know what I say? I say good day wizard! [walks away then comes back] I say good day!
[into recorder] Thinks I'm actually a wizard.
(wearing a wizard costume) Abracadabra!
Well how do you like me playing you? Look at me, I'm Selena Gomez! I'm the relationship wizard! I know everything! Edgbono eutusis!
Check it out! I'm Sonny from Wisconsin! I'm just an exploding ball of sunshine! Check it out! Check it out!
Look at me! I'm Selena! I went to acting school so I could learn how to do this! Cashmerious appearous! [waves invisible wand in Selena's face] Yeah! It's an invisible wand!
Well look at me! I'm Sonny and I'm ticking off the person who's playing me in a movie, and maybe I shouldn't because she can make me look really bad!
Well look at me, I'm Selena and, I'd never do that to Sonny girl!
(to Selena) Hey Selena. (looks at Sonny) Hey Scary Potter.
Don't mind me ladies. I'm just here to get a fresh beret and recharge my microphone. (switches berets and gets a new megaphone) [into megaphone] See ya on set. (leaves)
I don't know what you see in that guy.
Are you kidding me? I don't see anything in that guy and I wish you would stop insisting that I do.
Well if you think I'm playing it wrong then maybe you should just show me.
Fine! Great! Now we're doing it! (leaves)
[Nico and Grady walk into the prophouse and find their lookalikes are gone.]
Hey, where'd we go? (Tawni walks in)
Wha-[Tawni slaps him and walks out]
Oh, you're gonna need some ice for that.
