Zora quotes from Sonny With a Chance

Zora

So what do you think was up with the slip of the tongue this morning?

Chad

(getting food but not looking at Sonny) They're watching.

Sonny

(getting food too but not looking at Chad) Yeah. I know. Act natural.

Chad

Good call. Just follow my lead.

Sonny

Okay.

Chad

What say you good woman? Were these freshly picked this fine morn?

Sonny

I said act natural not Amish. This is silly. Why don't we just tell people that we have a date tonight?

Chad

Bad idea. You know how much our two shows hate each other. If they find out we're going on a date they'll think it's okay for them and then- (shakes his head)

Tawni

You don't think those guys like each other, do you?

Nico

Maybe. I mean look at them trying to act all discreet.

Grady

Well, I happen to be a keen reader of lips. So whatever they're trying to say, they might as well say it to me.

Sonny

So Chad...

Grady

No, Brad.

Sonny

what's the plan?

Chad

Well I'm getting us a limo-

Grady

Apparently he's getting a pillow.

Chad

to take us-

Grady

Two steaks plus.

Chad

at 8:00-

Grady

He ate a sock.

Chad

to a nice dinner.

Grady

and a rice thinner.

Tawni

Read my lips.

Grady

[turns to Tawni]

Tawni

You're a dope.

Grady

"Europe's pope."

Nico

Too bad Sonny's gonna miss Pizza Night.

Zora

Yeah, pizza just won't taste the same without her.

Grady

Yes it will!

Chad

WHY?!?!?!?!?! And that's our inflight entertainment.

Zora

It's a good thing this plane comes with barf bags.

(counting down)

(begins to run)

Tawni

(stops Vicky) Going somewhere, Penelope?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Tawni

Oh, you're face may say Vicky but your ugly pilot shoes say Penelope. (pulls Vicky's face but it's revealed to be a mask and reveals Penelope)

Sonny

Penelope? This is like a bad episode of Mackenzie Falls.

Chad

(looks at Sonny)

Sonny

Or a good one.

Zora

Tawni figured it out?! Two thousand dollars and three days of my life for nothing! I don't deserve this coat! (takes off her coat)

Zora

(hangs up phone) Sonny's still not answering. I'm getting worried.

Chad

It's gonna be ok, we're almost there.

Nico

The dude is 8 feet tall. How do you lose 8 feet a dude?

Sonny

Okay then Zora, we need you to stall. We have 8 feet of dude to find.

Zora

No no no!

Are you ready to get So Random?

Remember all those great songs from summer camp?

Sure!

Well, what about the ones you haven't heard of?

Haven't heard them!

Yes, it's Counselor Jenny (Sonny) and Dan Dan the Guitar Man (Grady) singing the songs that got them fired from over 100 camps. Truly awful songs like "Counselor Spread a Rumor".

Sonny

(singing) Gather around the campfire spark and hear how Ben's afraid of the dark.

Grady

(playing the guitar and singing) He cries at night when the lights go out. He weeps like a baby, he screams and shouts.

Everyone points when they see him go by. That's the reason he's shy.

And that's not all. You'll also get heartless classics like "Your Homesick (But Your Parents Don't Care)".

Grady

You cry because your homesick at night.

Sonny

Yes you do!

Grady

You think your parents miss you. You're not right.

Sonny

You're dead wrong!

Your mom and dad are clapping. They don't have to hear your yapping.

Grady

And yes they said...

Not to call!

And the insensitive hits keep on coming!

Sonny

(singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year. The lake last year, the lake last year. A kid got wedgied by the lake last year and now his undies are hanging from a flagpole. (looks menacingly at the the kids)

Yes, it's 24 songs, sung by two terrible people!

Order now!

Sonny

(frowns) Or else.

We will! (reaches for the phone)

Zora

No you won't!

Sonny

So Zora, who was that cute boy you were flirting with?

Zora

I wasn't flirting.

Sonny

Then why'd you flick a pea at him?

Zora

I don't know.

Tawni

Do you like him?

Zora

I don't know.

Sonny

Does he like you?

Zora

I don't know.

Tawni

What do you know?

Zora

That you're annoying me.

Zora

Hey ladies. Sonny, how is your boyfriend? (singing) Mine's great. Don't worry Tawni, you'll find your someone.

Tawni

(stares at Zora blankly) Hey Zora, look what Westley sent.

Zora

(reading a letter) I like my women like I like my cheese. Sharp. Oh, he thinks i'm sharp. Finely aged. I am two months older than him. And from Wisconsin.

Tawni

Wisconsin? Who do we know from Wisconsin?

Zora

Sonny. The basket's for Sonny. Why is the basket for Sonny?

Sonny

This is a funny story. He thought that when I asked him for pizza, I was asking him to join me for pizza.

Zora

Cradle robber!

Tawni

(laughs) This is a funny story

Zora

(points to locations on the map) Here is where she has her morning temper tantrum, afternoon tantrum, ballet class, and evening tantrum.

Tawni

This is ridiculous. We're never going to get that bell. It would be easier to get her kidney.

Zora

Oh, you want her kidney. That would be this map. (flips the page)

(screaming in disgust and yells at Zora to put it away)

Zora

(turns the paper)

Tawni

Thank you.

Grady

Uh, excuse me Mr. Savege, define incident.

(gets closer to Grady and shows him his pinky) The pinky is overated. (curls his pinky and makes a bone crunching sound)

(opens the sarcophagus and sees Zora inside)

Zora

(screams)

I knew we were one short. Now get in line!

Zora

(stands next to Sonny)

(yelling) Now here's the deal. Your sketches are weak, your jokes are flabby and your characters are as (holds Zora's arm) underdeveloped as this guy's arms.

Zora

I'm a twelve year old girl!

No excuse!

Sonny

It kinda is?

(fighting each other with staffs) Knock knock, who's there. Knock knock, who's there.