Scenes with Eggman 23
You'll never get away with this, Eggman!
Sonic will see you coming from a mile away!
[Inside, it is revealed that Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks have all turned evil and have Eggman's mustaches on their faces.]
Yeah! If we wanna trap Sonic, we got to think like Sonic!
[Dramatic music plays and the camera shifts to all of Sonic's evil friends before stopping on Eggman.]
Dr. EggmanThis is even better than I hoped! Five evil genius masterminds!
Actually, I'm an evil mastermind of average intelligence.
Dr. Eggman
Five evil genius masterminds, give or take. Working together under my leadership, we'll be unstoppable!
So here's the plan! We wait at the beach shack for Sonic, and then bombard it with an all-out robot assault from five different sides! [Moves the figurines around]
No, no, no! [Has a badnik figurine] What we should do is tunnel underneath to bypass his defenses!
[With a flying badnik figurine] We should attack from above by plane!
We have to get rid of his stupid friends first!
Dr. Eggman
Calm down! Even though you're evil geniuses now, for the most part, you lack experience. Time for a crash course in villainy! [Laughs manically]
[Later, Eggman is in the classroom with the others.]
Eggman
Evil lesson number one: Berating your underlings! Orbot. Would you kindly hand out the worksheets?
Gladly, Sir. [Proceeds to do so]
Eggman
[Stops Orbot with a ruler] Not that worksheet, you dunderhead! [Knocks some of the worksheets off] See? It's that easy.
[The others write down what they saw. Now in Eggman's monitor room.]
Eggman
Lesson number four: Surveillance! There's nothing more evil than recording your subjects without their knowledge. [Looks over to Orbot and Cubot messing around]
[Wearing a Viking helmet] Ota oh ha! Ota oh ha!
Eggman
Get me a monkey wrench. I'll fix that.
Eggman
No.
[In a different room.]
Eggman
Lesson number seven: Mustache care and maintenance. Fifty strokes every morning. But don't overdo it!
[Her mustache is messed up] Don't ask..!
[Back in the classroom.]
Eggman
Lesson number twelve: Lesson numbering! Evil lessons should be numbered as followed: "1", "4", "7", "12", "16".
[Outside of the lair.]
Eggman
Lesson number sixteen: Target practice!
[Eggman, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all fire at Orbot and Cubot with Disintegrator Rays.]
We must procure assistance.
We don't have time for that! Let's just get help!
[Dr. Eggman is preparing for a game of laser tag]
Dr. Eggman
Even with a mind as powerful as mine, it's important to keep the reflexes honed. [Turns to Orbot, Cubot, and some other robots.] That's why you robots will serve as my opponents in this training exercise. [Gives Orbot and Cubot some Disintegrator Rays on low setting] On your marks, get set. Go!
[Eggman and his robots start to fire at each other and Eggman finds himself cornered.]
Dr. Eggman
Ow! Is someone stepping on my mustache?!
[The robots look around to see who is stepping on it.]
Wait. No one's stepping on your-
[Eggman runs past the robots where they start to shoot at him. However, Eggman trips but his laser manages to hit all of the robots' targets.]
If I didn't know better, I'd say there was a shift in the Luck Balance of the Universe.
Dr. Eggman
[Grinning evilly] Hmm.
[Sonic skids to a stop right in front of Eggman. Amy, Sticks, and Tails arrive just after.]
So Eggman, what makes you think this stunt will go any better than the last dozen or so you've pulled?
Dr. Eggman
The Luck Balance of the Universe. That's what!
What? You believe that stuff, too?
[Knuckles runs up behind them.]
Sorry I'm late. What can I do to-
[The roof falls down from the sky and lands on the ground.]
Dr. Eggman
I'm unscathed! I'm a little schmitzy! But no matter. It's also laundry day!
[Eggman turns around, Orbot and Cubot follow.]
Dr. Eggman
[Singing] Today is my lucky day!
[Knuckles walks up, holding his head.]
You guys okay? Wow, that was nuts. I can't believe that.
We had him cornered. What are you doing here?
You're not helping! You're just bad luck! I have an idea. Since you and your bad luck just hurt our side, why don't you just join Eggman and make it official?
Fine! If that's how you're gonna be about it, I'm gonna work with someone who appreciates me! [Knuckles runs off angrily.]
Knuckles, come back! [Sonic walks up next to her.]
Hold up. Let's let this play out.
[Dr. Eggman is floating in the Eggmobile above the destroyed building. The villagers, frightened, look up at him.]
Dr. Eggman
Attention, village. Your panicked screaming and fear-addled hysteria have so charmed and delighted me these past few moments, that I wish to extend my appreciation by debuting for you my most extravagant ode to destruction yet. Behold: the Mega!
[Eggman's giant robot, called the Mega, appears in front of the villagers, and the villagers gasp in horror.]
Dr. Eggman
I call him that because he's seven percent bigger than my other robots.
[Eggman, Orbot, and Cubot turn to see Knuckles walking up to them.]
Eggman, I'm through with Sonic. I'm joining your side.
[Eggman, amused, flies in a circle around Knuckles.]
Dr. Eggman
Ah! A defector has come to join the winning team. More good luck!
Pretty cool robot. [He approaches the enormous robot.] New?
Dr. Eggman
Yeah, nice, right? Safe to say my best ever. [Eggman pushes a button on his wrist control. The robot starts moving, but suddenly, due to Knuckles' bad luck, its head explodes. The crowd gasps while Knuckles looks at the robot, puzzled.] Though, it's basically a prototype. [The robot places its hand in the hole where its head exploded and pulls out a bomb.] Never really tested it in the field before, but the designs look really sound. [The bomb starts beeping, and the robot places it back into its body.] So, I figured with this string of good luck I've been having. [The bomb in the robot detonates, causing the body to rocket into the sky and completely explode. Parts rain down across the village, yet interestingly, Eggman chuckles happily.] Hey, now it's tested, and I don't have to clean up the mess. [Eggman turns to Knuckles.] Good luck with that, suckers! [Eggman leaves with Orbot and Cubot.]
[Knuckles feels really depressed.]
Wow, my bad luck follows me wherever I go.
[Sonic, Amy, Sticks, and Tails walk up to Knuckles.]
Or, is it good luck? After all, our side won.
But I was on the other side.
No, you weren't. I sent you on a secret mission for us.
It was so secret... even I didn't know about it.
Yeah. You see, you switched sides, and your bad luck overpowered Eggman's good luck, but you were really on our side, so by losing, you won!
[Everyone is leaving the village together.]
You know what I've been wondering, though?
Where crazy luck theories come from?
When the bad luck leaves me... where does it go?
[A large piece of the smashed robot lands right on top of Tails, revealing that Knuckles' bad luck has passed to him. Everyone turns around and sees him lying underneath the heavy metal.]
There's a perfectly good... explanation for this. [The equipment falls onto his head again.]
[as the others catch up] Hah! First!
Eggman
Think again, Sonic!
[Team Sonic notice Eggman, Orbot, and Cubot in the Eggmobile, which had been hovering over the crater.]
Eggman
That's right, and as the intrepid explorer that first discovered this regal rock, I hearby call "dibs"!
What? You can't call "dibs".
Eggman
Oh, so now you don't respect "dibs"? What's next? Are you gonna allow "cutsies", flout the 5 second rule, step on a crack without any regard for your mother's spinal column?
Of course I respect "dibs", but you can only call "dibs" if you are touching the thing you desire to "dib".
Eggman
Ohhh! Well, in that case… [he and Sonic both race to the meteor and touch it at the exact same time]
[Inside, Amy is tending to "Sonic", who is lying on a hammock.]
Eggman [in Sonic's body]: [with the hedgehog's voice] Yes, Amy dear. I won't move, for I am Sonic - heh - and this is my humble shack. [Amy walks to the exit, glances at Eggman, then leaves the shack. Eggman stands up afterwards.] Alright, don't freak out, play it cool. You're Sonic now. [laughs maniacally]
[reappears] Did you say something?
Eggman
Uh, no! I was just thinking of something funny that red imbecile we both know said! [nervous chuckle]
Eggman
Yes, "Nuffles", that's the guy! [Amy gives a puzzled look, but leaves again regardless.] This... is... delicious. With my genius mind and Sonic's speed, I'll finally be able to destroy those pesky rodents once and for all! Time for a test drive. [starts running in place and then speeds away, but ends up crashing into a wall] Ow… Uh, this might take some getting used to.
Eggman
Did you see the look on his face when he ran off?
He looked ridiculous! Especially with that stupid mustache!
Eggman
All right, Noodles. That's enough.
[Thumping is then heard which shakes the ground.]
Whoa. Did you guys feel that?
[The thumping continues and is soon revealed to be coming from the Mega knocking down trees and then arriving at the shack with Sonic, Orbot, Cubot and the other robots. Eggman and the others get into position, ready to fight.]
Remember, warning shots only. I don't want anyone hurt. Got it? [notices the robot's aren't listening] Well, what are you waiting for?
We are programmed only to obey orders after being threatened.
[realizes this and sighs] All right, then. Nobody gets hurt or somebody's gonna get hurt! (Better?)
OCOrbot and Cubot
Yes, sir!
[The robots begin to move forward and attack. Amy and the others begin to destroy the robots.]
Eggman
Aw, come on! Do you have any idea how much those cost? I mean, between the parts and labor... [Amy destroys a robot with her hammer.] Aw, geez! [Knuckles and Sticks destroy a few robots.]
[Sonic tries to dodge the Mega, but it accidentally knocks him to the ground causing him to land on Eggman.]
He's gonna be feeling that tomorrow.
[2 Bee Bots circle around Sonic and Eggman.]
Hey, Eggman crushed Sonic!
Eggman
Imagine the look on Sonic's face when he sees I have Knuckles trapped. [hears the wall being barged open]
You don't have to imagine, Egghead. Cuz here I am!
Eggman
That was a bit of a letdown. I was expecting a bigger reaction, maybe shocked, outraged, perhaps even a little ennui. Anywho, Motobugs, attack!
[A group of Motobugs charge at Team Sonic. Sonic spin attacks a Motobug. Mirror Knuckles watches the debris fly across the room and into the hole in the wall.]
Look who broke down the wall. The non-aggressors.
[punches another Motobug] Dude, this is more of a rescue than an attack!
Excuses are easy to manufacture, but hard to sell.
Eggman
Why is Knuckles talking like a fortune cookie?
That's (because it's) not Knuckles, it's his double from another dimension.
Eggman
Oh. That explains the hat, so you can tell them apart. Great idea.
Thank [hammers a Motobug] you.
Eggman
Wait a minute. There are multiple Knuckles in this dimension? That could cause some kind of catastrophic anomaly. I do not want a dimensional explosion in my lab. I just had the floors waxed. [releases Mirror Knuckles from the trapping cage and Mirror Knuckles flickers] Well, what are you waiting for? Get him out of here! (And why is his counterpart here anyway?)
Well, actually, the reason Alternate Dimension Knuckles is here is because Alternate Dimension Eggman (which is your dimensional counterpart) shot him with lasers from Alternate Dimension Octopusbot.
Eggman
That is so Alternate Dimension me!
Is there any chance we can borrow your laser to send this guy back where he came from and prevent the destruction of pretty much everything?
Eggman
[chuckling] Sure! You should have just asked me in the first place! Oh, but I'll need it back by Thursday.
What happens on Thursday?
Eggman
I'm gonna attack your– Uh, um, I'm having a party. [Sticks makes "I'm watching you" gesture at him]
Eggman
Let’s go, Charlie! [claps his hands, no one joins in] Really, nothing? Am I the only one on the side of evil here?
[Charlie attacks Knuckles with the ray, Knuckles can hit him and Charlie falls on the stairs, the civilians are cheering. Charlie gets up and attacks again, he can hit Knuckles]
Alright, Charlie! Crush him!
Let’s finish this, Knuckles! [Knuckles looks around and sees a dustbin. As Charlie attacks again, he takes the cap of the bin and reflects the ray, which freezes his robot arm] What the…? [Knuckles destroys the arm, Charlies armor falls down. He throws some dust at Knuckles, Eggman and Belinda cheer. Charlie attacks Knuckles again with the ray, but he can reach the armor and demolish it. The Civilians are cheering]
Truce? (And... no hard feelings?)
[walks to Knuckles] Truce. (And not all.)
Eggman
Aw, come on! It was just starting to get good!
Great job, Knuckles! You stood up for yourself and stopped a super villain.
Thanks, guys. Who’s up for some burgers? My treat! [runs to Charlie] Give me all your lunch money! [laughs] Ah, just kidding! [Team Sonic walks off laughing]
Great job, Charlie! You stood up for yourself and got a new job... as a super villain.
But what about the truce? [Belinda shows him her crossed fingers]
SHShadow the Hedgehog
[off-screen] So this is why you called me here.
Eggman
[gasps and drops the cheese tray] Shadow the Hedgehog… Hey everybody, look! Shadow's here! I knew springing for those embossed invitations would impress!
WBWeasel Bandit
Who's he?
Eggman
He's only the second most popular character in the whole canon! Let me get you a chair, Mr. Shadow. [pulls the chair out from under Dave the Intern, sending him crashing to the floor]
Ow...! [Eggman pushes the chair over to Shadow]
Eggman
You never know what's going to happen on the battlefield. Which is why it's important to think on your feet. This is a little game I used to play with my old improv troupe, The Gigglesnorts. It's called "Zip Zap Zop". We pass around an imaginary ball, saying "zip", "zap", or "zop" as we go. I'll start. [passes the "ball" to T.W. Barker] Zip!
TWT.W. Barker
[catches the "ball," and passes it to Shadow] Zap! [Shadow just stands there, doing nothing.]
Eggman
Eh… that's to you, Shadow. You wanna zap that one over to Dave, or maybe zap that bad boy back to me? Heh… no?
Eggman
He pfted it! We'll count that. Great job, Shadow!
Silence, fool! [The other villains gasp.] I suffered your presence long enough. [turns to leave]
Eggman
N-no! Don't go! We're not done bonding yet! We were gonna roast wieners and play flashlight tag. We're making history here! A collection of villains like this has never been assembled before!
[turns around] I see no villains, just some fools whose only ability is wasting time!
Eggman
That's something, isn't it?
No, not really. (I determent my own destiny.) [disappears; Eggman sighs]
You fool! I had him just where I wanted him!
Eggman
Sorry! That one's on me, Shadow. Forgot to turn off the flash. Pic looks great, though, if it's any consolation.
Enough! How's a guy supposed to destroy his foes with dolts like you wandering around? [to Sonic] We'll fight again soon, Sonic, but next time, on my terms. [disappears as the rest of Team Sonic run up and do a group fistbump]
(At Hedgehog Village, Sonic wakes up from rubble caused by a damaged wall.)
Ugh.... What happened? I haven't felt this horrible ever since I've seen Comedy Chimp's swimsuit calendar. (shudders) November.
(Sonic gets up, seeing himself wearing a vest.)
And why do I look like a discount-bin action figure?
(At Tails's workshop...)
Okay, guys. I'll be the first to admit that my speed-boost experiments were a tad inconclusive.
Does "inconclusive" mean the same as "hilarious"?
Well, you know what they say: no pain, no gain.
(sarcastically) I'm sorry this was painful for you, Tails.
It's okay. Besides, without your broken ribs, I never would've invented this, (reveals a vest and control panel) my Ultra-Sonic Speed Amplifier!
[beat]
(The gang gives Tails a lukewarm applause.)
Spare me your halfhearted applause. Once you see what this baby can do, your applause will be at least three-quarter-hearted!
(Tails puts the vest on Sonic)
So, if I wear this thing for six weeks, will my ribs heal properly?
No. This control panel will deliver amplification signals into your chest plate, allowing you to reach unparalleled speeds, all using state-of-the-art blast-processing technology!
"Blast-processing technology"? Those are just phony-baloney buzzwords to fool the simple-minded!
Blast-processing technology?? Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme!
Seriously!? After all you put me through this morning...absolutely!!
(Tails activates the panel, sending Sonic dashing off, faster than usual.)
(via com unit) How are you feeling, Sonic?
Like a hummingbird on his third espresso! Tails, you're a genius! How about a little more juice?
(Back at the workshop, Tails takes a sip from a juice box.)
And I'll up the levels, too.
(Tails increases the power level, increasing Sonic's speed.)
(Tails increases the levels again, making Sonic fast enough to even jump over the crater!)
Uh, I don't think we should--
(With Sonic's speed increased even further, he runs back to the lab. He dashes around Knuckles, tapping his shoulder to fool him.)
It wasn't me. It was him!
(Sonic dashes again, this time generating an illusory clone waving casually.)
He's going so fast, he's appearing in two places at once!
But we could always go faster! Tails, crank it!!!
(Sonic begins running out of the lab and toward the village.)
I really think we should do more tests before we push the--
Think, Sonic -- how did this happen...? Must've been Eggman.
Sonic: Did you miss me? (Destroys a Badnik)
Dr. Eggman
Well, this whole plan kinda hinged on your absence, so, no, not really.
Who knew all those years of being a total dillweed would rub people the wrong way?
(At a canyon, Eggman waits for an old ally of his as he dashes through and stops upon his presence--Shadow the Hedgehog!)
Eggman
Shadow, I have a proposition for you...
Find some other pawn, Eggman. I'll never work for you again! Now get out of my sight!
(Eggman sulks away.)
Sonic Boom · 106 quotes
