TV show quotes
What, they just give you a card?
They'll give you, like, ten if you want. We're the future. They're meth dealers. Give you your first few hits for free, get you hooked. I'm just gonna run it up and then beg daddy to pay it off, turn on the tears, tell him how much I love him, promise to come home for Christmas. He always caves.
How was your summer? You, uh, finish the community service hours for that solicitation beef?
Fuck you, Derek.
Mr. Gallagher? How you feeling, Frank?
I've felt better.
I would hope so. We've started you on Prednisone to decrease the inflammation in your liver, also Lasix to bring down your fluid levels. You were quite jaundiced when you arrived. Have you been taking your antirejection meds as prescribed?
My bitch of a newfound daughter hasn't been giving them to me.
Your daughter has been keeping your medications away from you?
No, but she was supposed to make sure I take them.
Mr. Gallagher, you are a 51-year-old man with a new liver transplant. You should be able to take responsibility for your own medications, unless you're mentally incapacitated. Are you mentally incapacitated?
Mentally incapacitated?
Retarded. Are you retarded, Frank?
No.
Then get your shit together.
...
However, we did find traces of cocaine, marijuana, and opiates. If I were to hazard a guess, my money would be on Oxycontin. If I were to hazard a guess, my money would be on Oxycontin.
Great stuff. The guy who invented it should be on the Nobel short list.
This is no joke, Frank.
Whatever you were looking at last week was not nearly as attractive as me. You know it and I know it. So clearly, your priorities are fucked up. Here's what you missed.
Ow, my stomach.
This a scam? You're really gonna shit your pants?
I did a little.
[Carl leans over a tough boy in the school hallway]
If you ever pick on asshead again, I'm gonna chew your nuts off with my teeth. [Pauses with eyes shifting side to side] And not in a gay way.
I don't get why just don't use her face for target practice.
Because prison is no place for a man with naturally tight glutes.
Skank bitch did it to you. It'd just be self-defense.
Not after the fact. And, son, it's important to know the difference between a skank bitch and a deranged psychopath. Your sister Sammi is the latter.
[Someone knocks at the door when Lip and Amanda are making love in Lip's dorm]
What?
It's Muff. Is Amanda in there?
No.
Bullshit. Tell her I'm not fucking leaving till she faces me.
Turns out lesbians are super possessive.
I fucking love you, Amanda. I fucking love you, you bitch!
I let her go down on me, like, twice, and now she thinks we're married.
Right. So what do you want to do? 'Cause I have to pick up my brother in a few minutes.
Amanda, come out here and face me!
I'll let you borrow my car if I can hide under your bed.
[Debbie is pounding a punching bag]
Easy, killer. Whose face are you picturing on that bag?
Monica.
Who's that?
Monica. My mother.
Mother? I thought she was dead.
Monica. Not dead, just gone.She stayed around long enough to ruin our lives and pass on all her fucked up genes.
[Carl climbs into G-Dogg's Cadillac Escalade]
'Sup, G-Dogg?
"'Sup"? Boy, you been blessed with an education. Try to sound like it.
What is up?
"[Chuckles] Try "Good morning, sir."
Good morning, sir.
"Good morning, Carl. And congratulations. You just got a promotion.
I did?
Look, one of my runners took a bullet this morning, so I need you to take a run for me this afternoon.
A run? To where?
Flint, Michigan.
Asshead, get in. [Referring to the van]
I thought you said we were going to play catch. What's in those bags, Carl?
Horse.
Why are you taping horse to my tummy?
Because I'm your uncle and you're my niece. And you do what I say.
I think you mean nephew.
I think I mean keep your mouth shut and keep it shut no matter what, and don't tell anyone a word about this, or else I'll tie a fucking tire around your tummy and set it on fire, even if you are my niece.
Okay, Uncle Carl.
What the fuck else am I supposed to do?
You're scrappy, Fiona. You know how to fight. Don't pretend you don't know how to fight.
So?
So either fight for this marriage or cut him loose. Let him lick his wounds and move on.
And you know how good I do with silence.
Right. Yeah. Silence in our house usually means someone stopped breathing.
[Rat with its tail in a mousetrap runs across the floor and Kev leaps up on a chair]
[In a non chalant tone] Yeah, I've been wanting to talk about these working conditions.
I still don't understand why you shot him, mama.
Because, Chuckie, fatherhood comes with responsibilities that go far beyond shooting sperm into a V hole. And I have decided it's time to teach your grandfather those responsibilities, because, clearly, he never learned them. He's like an untrained dog who keeps shitting all over the house, so we have three options-- run the dog over, send the dog back to the pound to be gassed, or train the dog. And I am choosing to train this dog. Isn't that the option you prefer, daddy?
Yes, it is, dear, and I really appreciate you taking such good care of me.
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