Bomber quotes from Sea Patrol

Bomber

[To RO.] Just be yourself. Well... you know, a more people-friendly version of yourself.

Bomber

Everyone, you’re on notice. You bring your dirty mugs down to the galley when you’ve finished with them. Otherwise, next time, you can be drinking out of cardboard.

Kate

Consider yourselves told.

Charge

What is that?

Bomber

Croque monsier.

Charge

Crocca what?

Bomber

Ham and cheese toasted sangers.

Charge

Oh, alright.

Charge

Not quiche again.

Bomber

Charge, this is real man’s quiche – bacon, sausage, barbeque sauce, splash of Tabasco. Put whickers on your whiskers. Or in Spider’s case, it may bring on puberty.

Spider

I’ll have you know I shave every day.

ET

Legs and bikini line don’t count, mate.

Bomber

It’ll put hair on your chest, then.

Spider

I’ve got hair on my chest, okay? Just like yours.

Buffer

[Attempting to talk to the fishermen.] Man, in barrel? Man, down there in barrel? Why?

Buffer

[Pointing at Bomber.] Shut up!

Bomber

Sorry Buff.

Bomber

He’s supposed to be a hell of a captain.

RO

Yeah. He’s a golf nut.

ET

I hear golf balls aren’t the only thing he whacks with his putter... Junior sailors

Bomber

No!

ET

Oh, I’m serious.

Swain

Now, we’ll flush that out with a bit of diluted hydrogen peroxide.

Spider

Is there some reason you’re making Bomber do all this?

Swain

It’s good training.

Spider

Or are you just scared to touch my leg, Swaino?

Swain

It’s a very nice leg, Spider, but I don’t wanna touch it. Besides, it’s much more fun watching you go through it. And finally, the antiseptic ointment.

Bomber

That stuff really stings.

Swain

Oh yeah. (Passes it to Bomber.)

Bomber

With pleasure.

I’m drunk. I’m way too drunk.

Buffer

You got a drinking problem, that’s why.

I love you. [Tries to kiss Buffer’s cheek.]

Buffer

Uncomfortable, mate.

If you were a woman, you’d be really ugly.

Buffer

If you were a woman, you’d look like a bulldog eating porridge.

I hate porridge. [Arrive on the Hammersley.] I’m gonna have a slash.

Buffer

Yeah. I’ll go announce our arrival. Honey, I’m home.

Bomber

Hey, Buff. Have a good night?

Buffer

Oh... oh yeah. A few too many.

Bird

I flop.

You mean you fold.

RO

:[To Bomber.] I just spat on you!

Bird

Whatever, I don’t get this game.

Bomber

:[To RO.] That’s disgusting!

What would you prefer to play, Bird? Go Fish?

Bird

Hey, don’t knock it, I’m actually pretty good at that one.

Dutchy

So, who do you think he’s protecting?

Bomber

He fancies Bird. Was it you?

Bird

No.

Charge

No, Bird was cleaning ovens all night, Bomber.

Bomber

Not all night, Charge.

Swain

Bomb, she didn’t leave the ship.

Dutchy

Where were you, Bomber?

Bomber

Wasn’t me.

Charge

Course it wasn’t.

Swain

Oh, come on, she wasn’t even there. [Bomber turns to look at him.] Were you?

Bomber

Oh, what? So I’m invisible now? Get out of my galley.

Swain

Well, six hours left, 2Dads. Time to spill your guts.

Bomber

Come on, 2Dads, tell us.

Bird

At least tell Bomber it wasn’t me.

Dutchy

Listen everyone, I think the right thing to do is whoever did it to fess up themselves.

Charge

That’s right.

RO

Oh, that went well.

RO

Hey Bomber. Bird tell you the news about Two Dads?

Bomber

Bird seems to know everything that’s going on on this boat.

RO

Yeah, she’s pretty popular with the crew. [Pause.] Do I detect a note of jealously there?

Bomber

Yeah, there’s a whole symphony going on.

RO

Come on, Bomber, don’t compare yourself with Bird. I mean, she’s a sweet young thing, but... well, you’re... you’re a woman. You’re a very attractive woman. You’re beautiful so... you’re our chefo as well so we couldn’t exist without you.

Bomber

Thanks, RO. [She kisses him on the cheek.]

RO

Ah, Bomber, can I get some museli with some hot milk on the side please?

Bomber

Yeah sure. In a glass?

RO

In a glass would be fine. Could you make it really hot?

Bomber

Really hot it is.

RO

You're really hot.

Bomber

Excuse me {Walks toward Dutchy and kisses him on the cheek.]

Dutchy

Ah, what was that for?

Bomber

2Dads told me that you found me and carried me all that way. Thanks.

Dutchy

No, that wasn't me, that was RO. But thanks anyway.

RO

So.

Bomber

Why?

RO

You told me to stay away.

Bomber

Well, thanks for ignoring that.

Bird

Yuck.

Dutchy

Relax, it's just a little bit of squid. [Helps Bird with her fishing rod.]

Bird

Yeah, but they're so slimy!

Bomber

Hey! I thought the rule was to bait your own hook.

Bird

I don't do slimy!

Bomber

Guess that kills 2Dads' chances!