Chefo quotes from Sea Patrol

Chefo

Sorry, Galley's closed. I'm off to save the world!

Chefo

I'm only going to give this advice once. Do not throw up in your mask.

Chefo

Word is you haven't been saluting the ship's mascot.

Spider

I'm supposed to salute it? Who is he?

Chefo

It's Thor - the thunder god.

Spider

Oh, my mum wouldn't like me saluting him then. We're Presbyterian.

Buffer

Don’t listen to him, Spider.

Spider

Oh, my name’s Billy. Billy Webb.

Chefo

Yeah, that’s right. Spider Webb.

Spider

No, I had that all through school. I joined the navy to get away from it all.

Buffer

Good luck with that, Spider.

Buffer

Spider, take these smokes. Don’t give them back to me no matter what I say.

Chefo

You giving up again are you, Buffer?

Buffer

Looks that way, Chefo.

Chefo

You know, I’m all for giving up the smokes, Buff. But on the other hand... maybe you should start again.

Spider

Buff, I’ve got some chewy here.

Buffer

Give it here.

Chefo

So, ET, who set the FFV alight? You or Jaff?

ET

Jaff.

Chefo

Yeah, that figures. I picked him for an arsonist the moment he came on board.

Spider

I mean, how cool is that? I fully thought the dude’s brother was dead as well. You know, she was very, very convincing.

Buffer

So that’s how she got him to give up the drug bosses?

Spider

Yeah, but it was cooler than that. I mean, like, when he went for her, she fully did this combat action stuff and just got him down, handcuffed him straight away. It was amazing.

Chefo

Wow, sit sounds like the X has a fan.

Spider

No, she just could’ve saved our lives, that’s all.

Chefo

It’s alright, Spider. I remember my first crush too.

Spider

I don’t like her, Chefo.

Chefo

It’s only natural. She’s a woman, and you’ll be a man one day.

Spider

Chefo, I don’t like her.

Chefo

It’s not what the evidence points to, Spide.

Spider

[Leaving.] You suck.

Buffer

Hey, Spide.

Spider

What?

Buffer

You did well out there.

Spider

Thanks. [To Chefo.] You suck.

Chefo

Hey, guys, guys what Spider’s just done.

Buffer

Chefo, as you can see, we’re playing a game here, and every time you interrupt, I lose concentration and Swaino wins.

Chefo

I’m sorry, Buff. You’re gonna want to hear this. You remember the blood you found on the catamaran?

Swain

Spider found it, yeah.

Chefo

Yeah. Well, it was evidence, and Spider, the tool, just cleaned it up.

Swain

He what?

Chefo

Yeah. X is fuming. Apparently it was the only thing to prove Jackson’s lying.

Buffer

Good one, Spider.

Swain

Mate, glad he’s in your division. It’s gonna be messy.

Chefo

I’d better go. Don’t want to miss the fun.

Swain

I win, by the way.

Buffer

I’m gonna kill Chefo.

Chefo

I thought we were playing touch!

Mike

Yeah, we are. You’re touched.

Swain

Toby? Toby, what’s wrong, mate? [Chefo opens his eyes.] Tobes?

Chefo

[Sniffs.] Who’s in my galley?

ET

[Grabs a fish Buffer had picked up.] Oh! Buffer! You kiss me! Kiss me!

Buffer

Unlike some of us, ET, I’ve got standards.

Chefo

I reckon that Buffer’s a one-fish kind of guy.

Buffer

Righto, you lot! I want these uppers clear for a freshwater washdown! Spider, you’re in charge!

Spider

Yes, Buff!

Spider

That storm in the night sure made a mess. You ever seen it blow as big, ET?

ET

Mate, I slept like a baby. Didn’t feel a thing. Don't know what you’re talking about.

Spider

You're pulling my chain, right? The waves were massive. They were at least 20 metres.

Chefo

20 metres, hey, Spide? You sure you weren’t asleep too?

RO

Squid for breakfast! [He throws a squid down.] Looks like we did some illegal fishing in that storm.

Spider

[Laughs.] You were saying?

RO

I believe you, Spider. How else did we get all this seafood up here?

Chefo

Alright. I’m taking bets to see how many rounds it’ll take. My money’s on a single shot.

Spider

One shot for me.

Chefo

Trust the Spider.

Nav

I vote for three. I think you boys might miss the first couple.

Chefo

Whoo. Nav doesn’t think much of our gunnery skills.

Mike

Let’s focus on the job at hand.

Nav

Sorry, boss.

Mike

If the navy permitted a wager... I’d bet on two rounds of the 50-cal.

Buffer

I’m with you, sir.

Hey Spider, is that you, mate? How are you going? How are those crabs we gave you?

Spider

[Defensively.] They're talking about seafood. They gave me some crabs on Bright Island!

Spider

Chefo, tell them about the crabs in the freezer.

Chefo

I don't know what you're talking about, mate.

Mike

What have we got, Chefo?

Chefo

The usual, boss. Plus Spider’s famous Bright Island crabs in hoisin sauce and calamari marinated in garlic and ginger.

Spider

Yeah, try the crabs, sir. The calamari’s not half bad either. Where’d you get it, Chefo?

Chefo

You remember the one we caught up our mast. :[Winks at Mike.]

Mike

Think I’ll have a snag.