Buffer quotes from Sea Patrol

Buffer

Oi, what do you think you're doing? Turn round and walk away mate! Oh, you want me to come down there?

Buffer

No mate of mine is getting a tattoo of flipper!

Kate

Buffer? Two men to stay on board.

Buffer

ET. Jaffah. Good experience for him, ma’am.

Kate

Yeah, well, four weeks is a long time in the navy, I guess.

Buffer

Don’t listen to him, Spider.

Spider

Oh, my name’s Billy. Billy Webb.

Chefo

Yeah, that’s right. Spider Webb.

Spider

No, I had that all through school. I joined the navy to get away from it all.

Buffer

Good luck with that, Spider.

Buffer

Spider, take these smokes. Don’t give them back to me no matter what I say.

Chefo

You giving up again are you, Buffer?

Buffer

Looks that way, Chefo.

Mike

What’s happening, Buffer?

Buffer

They’re still looking for a tube, sir.

Mike

[Looks thoughtful.] Tell X she’s got a pistol. Use it.

Buffer

You want him to shoot her?

Mike

Tell X to break down her Browning, remove the 9-millimetre barrel, use it as a tube. Over.

Buffer

Got it.

Mike

[Chuckles.] Shoot her.

Nav

Well, that’s one way of ending a crisis.

Buffer

You got my smokes?

Spider

Eh?

Buffer

My smokes. You got ‘em?

Spider

You said not to given them to you.

Buffer

That was then, this is now.

Spider

Yeah, but you said even if you asked.

Buffer

Spider, I’m a gentle man. Don’t tempt me to violence.

Spider

I can’t. I swapped ‘em for some crabs.

Buffer

You what?

Spider

I told you on the island, I met those fishermen.

Buffer

And you gave them my smokes?

Spider

Yeah, it was a pretty good deal. [Buffer looks at him.] Sorry, sir.

Buffer

Don’t call me ‘sir’, I work for a living.

Spider

Sorry, Buffer. [Pause.] What happens if we don’t find them? (ET and Jaffah.)

Buffer

We’ll find them.

Spider

Yeah, but what if we don’t?

Buffer

We keep looking.

Spider

How long do we keep looking?

Buffer

Until we find them.

Chefo

You know, I’m all for giving up the smokes, Buff. But on the other hand... maybe you should start again.

Spider

Buff, I’ve got some chewy here.

Buffer

Give it here.

The gunner is there because...?

Kate

In case of sharks.

Buffer

Oh, I wouldn’t concern yourself, ma’am. No self respecting shark would eat him.

Nav

But if one just snacked on him a little, might do the women of the world a favour.

Spider

I mean, how cool is that? I fully thought the dude’s brother was dead as well. You know, she was very, very convincing.

Buffer

So that’s how she got him to give up the drug bosses?

Spider

Yeah, but it was cooler than that. I mean, like, when he went for her, she fully did this combat action stuff and just got him down, handcuffed him straight away. It was amazing.

Chefo

Wow, sit sounds like the X has a fan.

Spider

No, she just could’ve saved our lives, that’s all.

Chefo

It’s alright, Spider. I remember my first crush too.

Spider

I don’t like her, Chefo.

Chefo

It’s only natural. She’s a woman, and you’ll be a man one day.

Spider

Chefo, I don’t like her.

Chefo

It’s not what the evidence points to, Spide.

Spider

[Leaving.] You suck.

Buffer

Hey, Spide.

Spider

What?

Buffer

You did well out there.

Spider

Thanks. [To Chefo.] You suck.

Spider

I think it's a ghost ship.

Buffer

It's a catamaran, you idiot.

Mike

[Observing Bright Island.] Feds?

Buffer

Looks like it, sir.

Mike

I dropped off two agents, but I can see another six. What the hell are they doing?

Buffer

Breeding, sir?

Mike

What do you do when a federal agent tell you not to worry, Buff?

Buffer

[Chuckles.] Worry like hell, sir.

Chefo

Hey, guys, guys what Spider’s just done.

Buffer

Chefo, as you can see, we’re playing a game here, and every time you interrupt, I lose concentration and Swaino wins.

Chefo

I’m sorry, Buff. You’re gonna want to hear this. You remember the blood you found on the catamaran?

Swain

Spider found it, yeah.

Chefo

Yeah. Well, it was evidence, and Spider, the tool, just cleaned it up.

Swain

He what?

Chefo

Yeah. X is fuming. Apparently it was the only thing to prove Jackson’s lying.

Buffer

Good one, Spider.

Swain

Mate, glad he’s in your division. It’s gonna be messy.

Chefo

I’d better go. Don’t want to miss the fun.

Swain

I win, by the way.

Buffer

I’m gonna kill Chefo.

Hey, Buff. What’s your favourite Star Wars quote?

Buffer

What?

Spider

Jaffah’s specialty subject.

Buffer

[Opens a cupboard. Mutters.] Where the hell...?

Chewbacca. Am I right?