[to his girlfriend Lady] I think it's time you learned the real me. Here we go. I'm not... like normal people. I don't have superpowers, but I'm working on it. For instance, watch me move this pen. [stares at pen; it doesn't move] It worked at home. I don't know. Maybe my table's slanted. Uh, anyway. Um, in my spare time, I also enjoy stuffing animals. Usually with other animals. For instance, a badger will hold five squirrels. A squirrel will hold most of a cat. A mouse will hold a shrew and a vole. You get it... the circle of life. I have broken the sound barrier, but you must never ask me how. I don't believe in the moon. I think it's just the back of the sun.
I haven't told her yet. I mean, I was going to, but her not knowing I understand Spanish is like having a secret power. It got me flapjacks for dinner.
Wait a minute, you're telling me that that poster-sized reminder of your giant ass-kicking doesn't bother you? You're the only one your son has to model himself after when he's deciding how to be a man, and occasionally seeing a Paul Mitchell poster every time you pass by the beauty salon just isn't going to cut it.
[narrating] And the princess and the idiot decided that their kiss didn't mean anything. [JD as The Village Idiot and Elliot as The Princess shake hands] Because in the end... they were both idiots.
