Sam & Cat · Season 1, Episode 1
“#Pilot” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Cat Valentine (24), Sam Puckett (22), Dice (4), Nona (4)
I don't have anywhere I really need to be, and you kinda seem like you need a roommate.
Are you saying what I think you're saying?!
Yeah.
Your gonna stay here with me in L.A. for a while and help me find a roommate?!
I already found you a roommate!
[throws her money on the couch] Shut up, who is she?!
Me!
Oh my god! [runs and hugs Sam] This is the best day ever! So much better than yesterday when we were in garbage.
Isn't it?
Hey! Aren't you Sam from iCarly?
Are you a cop?
No.
Then Yeah, I'm Sam.
What if I fall in the toilet and get stuck again?
If she gets stuck in the toilet again, would you please text me a pic of that?
You look like Sam from that web show iCarly.
Nah, that chick is way hotter than me.
(giggles) She is Sam!
Woah, you're awesome!
Yeah.
[Cat gets into the sofa bed next to Sam]
Uh, what are you doing?
I'm gonna sleep next to you so you don't get scared.
I'm not gonna get scare— Oh, whatever.
So, how long you going to be in L.A.?
Uh… I don't know.
Well, don't you want to get back to Seattle?
Eh, I'm in no rush. I mean, my best friend moved to Italy with her dad, and my mom is kind of a nut job.
Can you take Darby? He's heavy! [hands the baby to Cat]
No, you guys, I gotta go! Here. [hands the baby to Sam]
Woah, I don't want this beast! [places the baby in a flower pot] Oh, yeah, pretty flowers.
[inside a sack getting pushed through the front door in a trolley by some young kids] Aah!
Nona!
Nice sack.
What happened to you?
Those little demons happened to me!
And guess what I got today?
Ooh, is it something?
I got hair from Will Smith, Katy Perry. I got Ryan Seacrest, Justin Bieber—
How much for the Bieber?!
Thirty dollars.
I'll take it!
Hey! Don't pick up that trash can! There's a girl in there!
Oh, my god! [gets tipped out of the trash can into a garbage truck]
C'mon, elderlies love living with other elderlies! They eat dinner at four o'clock and talk about pills.
[pulls Sam out from inside the sofa bed] That's not how you sleep on a sofa bed.
Oh, please! You saved me from being squished in garbage! Let me repay you with the gift of bathing!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sam & Cat pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
