Cat Valentine quotes from Sam & Cat

Sam

  That show was a big hit!  What kind of t.v. network cancels a big hit?!

Cat

  It's insane!  They're not even gonna do a big final episode!

Sam

  What?!

  Can someone read me a story?

Cat

  No.

  Is toothpaste a vegetable?

Sam

  No.

  Can I jump off the roof?

  Yes.

Sam

  Look, on t.v. shows, they don't own a usual pear computer, so they change the pear to a banana.

Cat

  Oh!  That's so clever.

Cat

  Ding dong.

Sam

  Why'd you do that?

Cat

  Do what?

Sam

  You know what you need?

Cat

  My own unicorn?

Ruby

  Wait!

  Yes?

Gwen

  We want to buy that card.

Cat

  But I'm buying it.  Here's my $5.

Gwen

  I'll give you $10 for that card.

Cat

  I'll pay you $50 for that card.

Gwen

  $100!

Cat

  $200!

  [brings her hand up to her heart]  Ugh, my pace maker!

Gwen

  Alright, I'll buy that bingo card for $500!

  I'm sorry, but I have to sell the card to this little foreign girl.

Cat

  But…but…but…

Ruby

  Yes!

Sam

  The next number is…G41.

Gwen

  Yes!  Look, Ruby, we got another one!

Ruby

  We should go to Vegas!

Sam

  Okay, the next number is… [sarcastically trying to trick everyone, especially the two little girls] …ahh, there's a scratch on this number; I should probably just throw this one in the trash—

Gwen

  Just say the number!

Ruby

  Get on with it!

Sam

  …B7.

  Bingo!!

Gwen

  We just won a giant television machine!

Ruby

  Wooo!

  [enters whistling]  Okay, this is a raid.

  We are being raided?

  This is an illegal bingo game.

Sam

  Since when is bingo illegal?

  When you're giving away a prize worth over $2,000.

Sam

  Cat!  You're running an illegal bingo game!

Cat

  But it was Nona's idea!

  I don't even know these girls!

Cat

  That snack…that snack she's eating!  Is she eating… [grabs the little girl eating bibble, smells her breath]

Ruby

  Bibble!

Gwen

  You want some?

Cat

  No!  Yes!  I mean, how much bibble do you have?!

Gwen

  We brought a big tin jug of it…

Ruby

  …from England.

Cat

  I'm baaaaaack!!  [runs with her jug of bibble to the kitchen]  I got bibble!  I got bibble!!  I'm back and I got bibble!!  Woooooooo!!

Dice

  Did you get my money back?

Cat

  Yes!  At first.

Sam

  And then what?

Cat

  And then, they had this big tin jug of bibble which I bought!  Where's my spife?  [looks and finds her spife]  There's my spife!  [starts to open the jug of bibble]

Sam

  Wait, how much did you spend on that can?

Cat

  The can was free; I just paid for the bibble inside.

Dice

  How much?

Cat

  $500!  Plus my bike!  [points at Dice]  Don't judge me.  [carries on opening the bibble]

Sam

  You gave those little Brit brats all Dice's money?!

Cat

  And my bike!  Everybody clear?  Everybody up to speed?  I hope so 'cause I gotta eat me some bibble!  [opens the tin jug to find a load of cotton swabs]

Cat

  Cotton swabs?!

Cat

  So what do you guys wanna do?

Gwen

  Oh, anything would be lovely.

Ruby

  Lovely.

Cat

  We could make some tea.

Sam

  You could do our laundry.

Cat

  We could play games.

Sam

  You could rub my feet.

Cat

  We could sing songs.

Sam

  While you rub my feet.

Dice

  Those little girls were supposed to sell me five new Pear Phone sixes.  And they sold me rocks.  Rocks!

Cat

  They're nice rocks.

Dice

  Who cares?

Cat

  Any rock collector would.

Cat

  Is that my toothbrush?

Sam

  Would I have a toothbrush that did this?

Cat

  Come in, Dice.

  I'm not Dice.  I'm—

Sam

  Get out.

Cat

  No.  Um, hi, Dilben!  Come in.  Would you like a muffin?

  I spit on your muffins.

Cat

  You should try butter.

  Your goat is still here.

Sam

  It's not our goat.

Cat

  We're just babysitting him.

  Yeah, right.

Sam

  Hey, you got another cape.

  I wanna speak to your grandmother.

Cat

  My Nona?

  Get her.

Sam

  She doesn't live here anymore.

  Whaaat?

Cat

  She moved to Elderly Acres.

Sam

  Yup.

  Interesting.  And who else lives here with you two?

Cat

  Nobody.

  Delicious.

Sam

  What are you yammin' about?

  Building rules!  All apartments must have at least one adult resident.  And since you're both in high school, and you're keeping a goat!  My father has two reasons to throw you out!  [tries to leave the house but Sam interrupts him]

Sam

  Dilben.

  Yeeees.

Sam

  Before you go… [the next scene shows Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, once again kicked out of the apartment by Sam]  Enjoy your Saturday.

  I still have one more cape!

Sam

  Suck a truck.  [closes door]

  [leaving]  I will not suck a truck!  Or enjoy my Saturday!

Sam

  [opens door]  Alright, Dilben, you can have your cape back!  [Dilben runs to the door trying to get his cape back]  Whoops!  [closes the door; Dilben fails and leaves]

  Call Dr. Stanky.

Cat

  Dr. Stanky!

Sam

  Use your phone.

Cat

  You know what they say, "Easy like a goat."

Sam

  Who says that?

Cat

  The goat keepers?