Jim Ross quotes from Royal Rumble

[#20 is Ahmed Johnson] Ahmed Johnson, I guess he's the only man to compete in the Royal Rumble wearing earrings.

What a fashion statement. If he was a little smarter, he'd know how stupid that looks.

Remember what's at stake: the opportunity to wrestle the WWF Champion at the biggest event in the industry, the biggest event of all time, WrestleMania XIV in Boston.

[laughing] Right, and that rug has been yanked right out from under Stone Cold Steve Austin!

If...that's the truth, that's gonna be a heartbreaker for the ol' rattlesnake.

Brought it on himself. [Buzzer sounds, signaling entry #24. Austin's music blares] What?!

[as all wrestlers stop fighting and look toward the entrance] Stone Cold...that's Austin's music. The action has stopped, everyone is awaiting the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Look out, he's from behind! [Austin comes in the ring from behind, attacks Marc Mero and eliminates him]

Austin came from the crowd! There goes Mero! Stone Cold is like a man possessed!

We're getting right down to the nitty gritty. Who's #28? The luck of the draw has everything to do with his. [Buzzer sounds, signaling entry #28: Dude Love] What?!

Oh no!

I don't believe it!

I don't wanna believe it!

Mrs. Foley's baby boy is pulling a triple-header!

Somebody knock his head off!

[as Austin stuns the Rock] Stone Cold Stunner! And the Rock... [Austin tosses the Rock out, winning the Rumble] ...IS GONE! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!

Here is the winner of the 1998 Royal Rumble: Stone Cold Steve Austin!

Iron Mike Tyson on his feet cheering for Austin 3:16! Stone Cold will meet the WWF Champion at WrestleMania XIV!

[as Triple H and Cactus Jack brawl in the audience during their Street Fight] Cactus Jack and Triple H are in a sea of humanity here!

Humanity? But this is New York City, J.R.!

Have you seen Albert's tongue? It's pierced, have you seen that?

I have not looked at his tongue or any other parts of his anatomy that closely, quite frankly.

He told me that piercing didn't hurt, but then he showed me one that did.

Can we see that poor Chinese guy Taka Michinoku get thrown over the top rope again?

He's Japanese!

Funaki's eliminated for about the eighth time tonight.

At least he had a good view there for a second.

Funaki's been eliminated more times than any other Royal Rumble competitor.

Taka had to be taken to a hospital.

Do they have some good Chinese hospitals in New York?

Will you stop that?

My god, what a chokeslam! The Big Show trying to break the Rock into pieces with a chokeslam!

He told this crowd, he's telling the world, "You WILL cheer for me!" He said he has the Rock and he's going to win the Royal Rumble and the people will have to cheer him.

Nobody can go one-on-one, face-to-face, man-to-man, with the Big Show and survive. [Big Show picks Rock up as the crowd chants "Rocky"] The Rock just seconds away from being eliminated here! It's over now, King!

Oh... good-bye Rock. I told you I was picking the Big Show.

The Big Show is toying with the Rock.

He's picking his... picking his sides. [Big Show attempts to throw Rock out] There he goes!

[Suddenly the Rock grasps the top rope. The momentum carries the Big Show out. The Rock holds on to the top rope, winning the Rumble] OH THE BIG SHOW'S OVER!

WHAT?

THE ROCK! THE ROCK HAS WON THE RUMBLE!

WHAT? How did THAT happen? How did the Rock do it?

Here is your winner: the Rock!

How in God's name did THAT happen? It looked like the Big Show is gonna eliminate the Rock!

I knew that the Rock would win! He's done it!

The Rock guaranteed a victory at the Royal Rumble!

He guaran-damn-teed it!

And the Rock has kept his word! He has done what he said he was gonna do!

[on entry #5] I can't believe he actually did it. Drew Carey is actually coming out here.

Drew, don't do it, this is suicide!

One of the biggest stars in all of Hollywood, a man with a couple of weekly television shows, a guy that's gonna have his own pay-per-view on Saturday night.

I'll tell you what. If Drew lives through this, he deserves to have everybody watch his pay-per-view on Saturday night

If I was Drew, I'd just hang around and sign some autographs.

Yeah, pretty good idea; Drew, don't hurry, don't rush anything.

Listen to the crowd chanting for Drew Carey. You never know what's gonna happen in the WWF, and by golly, [ Jeff Hardy clotheslines Matt Hardy over the top onto the apron] you never know what's gonna happen in the Royal Rumble, as Matt Hardy almost got eliminated there.

Come on, ref, get Drew in the ring so I can see how he can handle himself against the Hardys.

[chuckling] You're sadistic.

[as Drew enters the ring] I'd like to see Drew do...try a hurricanrana, Drew! Uh-oh, he's in the ring.

Drew Carey in the ring now.

Dropkick, Drew!

Drew Carey encouraged in this by Mr. McMahon, and I think...

Wait, take your glasses off, you're not a Dudley!

I still think Mr. McMahon, the ol' head of jealousy...[noticing the Hardys fighting in the outside corner] oh my God, look at the Hardys. They just get higher and higher, and the risk factor...[The Hardys fall to the floor, eliminating each other] Matt Hardy eliminated his brother, and Jeff pulled on his shirt that was around his waist...

[on Drew looking over the ropes] Wait, Drew's done it! Do you realize if this was over, Drew would be going to WrestleMania?!

Oh God, I shudder to think that.

Kane is about to become famous. He's gonna be on the news, he's gonna be on the front page of the New York Post!

Drew Carey's asking for assistance. I hope he's got good insurance with the Screen Actors Guild.

I can see it now. Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, the E! Network. Look at Drew, he's calling for the Hardys to come back.

Drew Carey has been left all alone at the Royal Rumble. He's all by himself, and the Big Red Machine is a carnivore!

Yeah, I don't think Drew really understands what he's gotten into here tonight.

The Big Red Machine's a carnivore, and Drew Carey's a big ol' pork chop. Drew's starting to sweat Crisco.

Hey, Drew? What do you think his blood type is? Ragu?

[Kane converges on Grandmaster Sexay with the trash can] Ooh my god, Kane's now got a trash can.

LOOK OUT!

[Kane hits Sexay with the trash can so hard he goes flying over the top rope] Oh, Grandmaster, [Kane hits Steve Blackman] has been knocked over the top by Kane! [Kane then hits Perry Saturn, then Al Snow with the trash can.]] The Big Red Machine... [Kane next hits Raven] ...has gone CRAZY here!

He's on a rampage now!

[after Bradshaw attacks Val Venis, saving the Rock from elimination] Bradshaw should've helped Val, in my estimation.

Nah, nobody wants to help Val or any member of the Right to Censor.

Yeah, you make a good point.

How much left can these two men have in their bodies? Austin's got the steel chair!

Look at Kane! He's a monster! He's already up!

My God, Kane is up! Oh God, Kane is up!

Austin, you're not a monster!

[Austin strikes Kane in the head with the steel chair] What a shot!

ACK! He didn't even knock him off his feet.

[Austin strikes Kane again] GOD ALMIGHTY!

WHOA!

[Austin strikes Kane again] A shot to the skull! Austin's going to dump him!

NO! OH!

KANE IS OUT! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!

Here is your winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin!

[over announcement] I knew he could do it!

STONE COLD IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!

I knew the Rattlesnake could win this thing! Unbelievable!

THE BATTERED AND BLOODY RATTLESNAKE HAS FOUGHT HIS WAY BACK - HAS FOUGHT HIS WAY THROUGH HELL ITSELF TO GO TO WRESTLEMANIA!