AAnnouncer
Uh-oh! Are you kids being bad?
AAnnouncer
You know what THAT means!
CChildren
Punishment from above!
[The four Apocalypse Ponies fly in through the window.]
FSFemale Singer
[singing]
My Little Pony: Apocalypse Pony!
Punish mankind for their sins!
PPPestilence Pony
I'm Pestilence Pony! [laughs and sprinkles some gray dust onto the girl below]
GGirl
I love you, Pestilence Pony.
[Suddenly, she starts coughing from bubonic plague from the dust.]
FPFamine Pony
I'm FAMINE Pony! [neighs, shoots a ray of light, empties a bag of chips the boy is eating, and reduces him to skin and bones]
WPWar Pony
Yay! WAR PONY!
[As the song continues, he sets the couch and many other things in the living room on fire by blowing it from his mouth, causing the smoke alarm to ring. Then the children's parents run into the room, confused by what's going on.]
Hey, what's all this racket?!
MMom
[hugging her kids] My goodness!
DPDeath Pony
And I am… [demonic voice] DEATH PONY!
MMom
Aw, how sad. The poor thing can't hear.
BBoy
[scared, eyes wide] No, mom. I think he said—
[Death Pony roars, spews out a bigger beam of light, and disintegrates the family into skeletons, which drop into piles. Then we cut to a screen with the four Apocalypse Ponies; a second later, a rainbow fades in with the words "Apocalypse Pony" shining in from a comet that sweeps across.]
FSFemale Singer
[singing]
My Little Pony: Apocalypse Pony!
Punish mankind for their sins!
GSGirl's Skull
[popping into the screen with a circle] I love you, Apocalypse Ponies!
[Chelsie and Grandma are knitting]
MMom
Ma, don't teach Chelsie that girly crap! This isn't the dark ages. [gives the Barbie doll to Chelsie] Here.
GGrandma
Ohh, and the fashion doll with big watermelon boobs teaches the right lessons, huh? That's-That's what going on?
MMom
Barbie is a frickin' race car driver these days, Ma! She bungee jumps in Paracelsus, and I think there's even a bomb disposal robot accessory.
CChelsie
Thank you for the Barbie. [pulls the sting on the Barbie's back]
BBarbie
[voice box] Girls could do anything. Especially, men. Let me be absolutely clear about that.
CChelsie
All right, Barbie! Lets have adventures!
[One hour later, the Doctor pulled the blanket to show Mom and Grandma that Chelsie died]
MMom
[gasps] That's her! That's my little girl... [crying]
GGrandma
How did this happen?!
DDoctor
Well, Chelsie's race car hit the wall in its speeds in excess of two hundred miles in hour. So, pfft.
GGrandma
Race car?! Where did she get a race car?!
DDoctor
Girls these days have all sorts of adventures, mam. This isn't the dark ages.
GGrandma
She was eight years old!
MMom
At least, she died doing what she loved, Ma!
GGrandma
SHE LOVED KNITTING!
DDoctor
Yes, that's lovely. Now, that you could fill out some forms. [walks with Chelsie's mom]
GGrandma
[crying] Oh, Chelsie. [to the destroyed Barbie doll] This is your fault! [crying] Whore!
[The screen zooms horrifying with the evil laugh sound]
[Two boys are in the living room next to the Christmas tree with presents under it on Christmas morning]
[They opened the present, but finds the dynamite, which is going off. The dynamite explodes, killing the boys. The next scene shows the family in another house; the girl opens her present]
GGirl
[picks up the dynamite, which is also going off] That's weird.
[Another dynamite kills the family with explosion. The next scene shows the African-American couple in the living room opening their presents, but find the grenade which the pin is attached to the string. They accidentally pulled the grenade out of the pin, with horrified looks on their faces. Then the grenade explodes, killing the couple. Cut to the North Pole where the group of terrorists held gunpoint at Mrs. Claus an the elves in front of Santa]
Okay, I delivered all the bombs! Now please, don't hurt my family.
TTerrorist
And the Jews? Are the Jews dead too?
But...Jews don't even have Christmas!
TTerrorist
Then you have failed!
[Terrorists shoots Santa]
AAnnouncer
Don't forget about terrorism this Christmas. A message from the Department of Ho-Ho-Homeland Security.
JJessie
Can I listen to this tape in Teddy Ruxpin, mommy?
TRTeddy Ruxpin
Do I wish I could just leave my wife? Yes. If she'd take Jessie with her and get out of my life, that would be ideal. I just don't see that happening. Sometimes I just think murder is the only option!
Honey, I'm missing the tape from my therapy session. Oh, shoot!
Robot Chicken · 315 quotes
