Morty quotes from Rick and Morty

Jesus! He's not a fucking god!

You don't know what I am! And you don't know what I can do!

Jeez, it's... it's cool, Rick--

I'm Doctor Who in this motherfucker! I could be a clone! I could be a hologram! We could be clones controlled by robots controlled with special headsets that the real Rick and Morty are wearing while they're fucking your MOTHER!

[enraged] I'm going to KILL YOU!

Then come to 312 Olive Street!

[worried] Is that her address?

You don't know, because you're a bad son!

Who are they?

Crystal poachers. There's no lower form of life. They think the galaxy's their own personal piggy bank.

Wait, then, what are we?

We are Rick and Morty.

Oh, hey, this fucking ferrofluid's wrapping around my legs. Fuck... I can feel! I have mass! I'M A FUCKING GOD NOW! YOU'RE FUCKED!

What the fuck?! I-I thought you were proud to be a hologram!

THAT'S 'CAUSE I HAD TO FUCKING BE ONE! [after a brief fight, Wasp Rick stings him in the eye] SHIT! [he screams as wasp offspring overrun his head and make it explode]

There's a lesson here, and... I'm not the one that's gonna figure it out.

Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you and... tried to kill the whole world and stuff. Guess I gotta learn how to live in the moment a little more.

Oh boy, so you actually learned something today? What is this, Full House? I was living in the moment all day, and it kept getting me killed by Nazis. I think you have to think ahead and live in the moment.

You couldn't have done that earlier?!

I was eating, and you're dirty.

It pains me that you can feel my pain.

Yeah, how about you suck your dick?! Which is also somehow my dick...

Summer

[smirking] Aw, why can't couples that start out cheating ever end up happy?

M-Maybe I can find that wizard's portal spell in here and g-get us home?

How about finding the spell that unbinds me from your fucking dragon?!

No spells can do that. Only the wizard can unbind soul bonds.

Uh, who the fuck are you?

"Who are we--"?! Who the fuck are YOU, bitch?!

Debrah, stop. We are the slut dragons. We live in these slut caves where we fuck, suck, and eat butt. And we kindly ask that you leave. If the wizard knows we are here, he will imprison us.

Yeah, and we like it down here, 'cause we can fuck woolly mammoths! Get out!

Get the fuck out of here, Michael!

Shut up, Michael! You're the only one that fucks that thing! Get the fuck out of here!

Well, at least I'm not into shit-play! Fuck you!

Hey, wait, everybody stop! Stop! I started all this when I tried to control Balthromaw. And that was fucked up. Nobody should control anyone. Especially that guy up there. And, um, you can eat butt if you want, I guess, I, um...

Summer

I got this, Morty. Okay, listen up, slut dragons! Wouldn’t you rather be sluts up there? Have a fuck world instead of a fuck cave? What’s wrong with you?

Well, I've been thinking - what you said back there in the cave really resonated with me. Maybe we could... try again?

Well, to be honest, I'm kind of grossed out with the sexual nature of how everything unfolded. I didn't know how sexual dragons were. I kind of just wanted to do some D&D stuff, y'know?

Why are they attacking us? I-I-I helped them!

You gave them proof that there was something bigger and scarier to unite against, you little idiot! They would have gone back into the Dark Ages for a couple of generations, but instead, they dedicated themselves into making universe-destroying, un-thought-out technology like time travel, all so they could try to kill a little shitsack on Earth who couldn't let a dead snake be dead even after it bit his ankle! Next time, stay in the fucking car!

Okay, so what are we doing?

That book has everything they need to create snake time travel. A-A-And they're getting it in 1985, snake time. Now they're gonna do it so early that it won't involve us, and they're gonna be even stupider with it.

Huh. And then what?

We're removing ourselves from this sloppy, fucked-up story and letting snake time travel eat its own tail.

Morty, do you know what the Bechdel test is?

The what?

For God's sake, Morty, the formula for measuring female agency in a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist Alison-- What the hell are they teaching you in that school?!

Other stuff!

Then you've killed us both!

Why is "lesbian" part of her job title?!

Oh, now you're progressive?!

Hey, what the fuck, Morty? The train you got me just completely derailed itself. There's blood all over the windows.

Oh man, I'm sorry Rick. I guess I'll return it.

Return it? Are you insane? Did you hear nothing I said? Buy another one, Morty! Consume, Morty! Nobody's out there shopping with this fucking virus!

Oh my god, holy shit, oh...

What are- What are these things?

Do I look like I know? Last thing I remember, I was, ugh, in a cave looking at some wet egg, and-- Oh, that probably did it.

I told you not to look at that egg! I-it was too wet.

You don't get to tell me what to look at. I've seen your Pornhub account. Also, who makes a Pornhub account?

The algorithm learns your preferences better that way. Plus, if you get in kind of a cool enough relationship, you can sort of follow each other and check out each other's kinks, you know?

All right, goddamn sold.

How do we get out of here?

Morty, relax. They're face-hugging parasites, I don't think their society's gonna be that hard to navigate. Okay, this might be a little harder than I thought. Holy shit, they got an M&Ms store.

Hey! Did you two—

Beth, your son is dying! Say goodbye!

What are you—?

Say goodbye to your little boy!

No! Look away! I'm makin' an egg, Mom! Ugh...! I'm makin' an egg!

You said you'd keep me more in the loop this year!

Look away, Beth! Daddy loves you!

Aaaagh! My ass! MY ASS!

This is it, Morty! It's full circle from the pilot! Full circle...!! [groaning and loud farting] ...Oh, I guess we, uh... I guess we both just had to take a shit.

Yeah, I-I guess we, uh...

Fucking gross. Guys, clean it up.

Interesting choice of meeting place, Rick.

You like it? My grandson had notes.

Come on.

Show him the crystals, Morty. [Morty shows 10 red crystals]

[taking the red crystals while handing Rick 10 nearly identical grey crystals] Thanks, I'm going to make lots money with these.

[taking the grey crystals] And I'll make lots of those with these. Well. Those are fake.

Do you have any idea how much fucking work would have to go into a machine that--?!

[triumphantly] AAAAAH-HA! You can't do it!

I can do anything, Morty. Your idea is not worth doing.

[smirking] You can't do it.

Before what you're trying to do was called "nagging", it was called reverse psychology - and incels didn't invent it, Bugs Bunny did.

You can't do it.

There is NOTHING I cannot do--

A place-saving video game thing.

[yelling] YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT!

[yelling back] JUST SAY YOU CAN'T DO IT!

I WON'T!

YOU WON'T SAY YOU CAN'T?!

FUCK YOU, MORTY!

FUCK YOU! [flips him off]

FUCK YOU!!! [throws his toolbox down on ground and kicks it, and rummages through items] Son of a bitch! GRRAAGH! [begins welding]

[after a short silence] So are you gonna--?

YES, I'M GONNA FUCKING DO IT!