Morty quotes from Rick and Morty

Oof, well, I'm stumped. Seems like there's no way out of this one. Unless... [looks to the fake vat of acid]

[flatly] Goddammit.

[obviously feigning ignorance] Yeah. I guess it is, uh, what did you call it? Uh, uhm... a "shitty idea"?

Goddammit. [starts climbing the vat's ladder]

[smugly] Say the vat is good.

[resigned] The vat is good...

Kiss the vat.

Do not go into that vat. It appears to be full of acid.

It is! Please, he's just a little boy! Let me talk to him.

Tell him we're very upset!

[in full-on "bad acting" mode] Morty, please step back! That vat is full of acid! It will melt you completely, leaving only your bones!

[exasperated] Goddammit!

I'm sorry, what did you say?

I'm going in the vat! [he jumps into the vat as his girlfriend pushes through the crowd]

[sarcastically] Oh god, oh, I blame myself. Oh, what a tragedy. Oh, well, he's bones now. I guess all debts are paid.

Agreed. He's definitely dead.

Why else would the bones come up?

While his actions were horrifying, and we are well within our rights to be outraged, I do wonder if we did bear some responsibility for this young man melting himself in acid. Are we here for justice, or something else?

[with significance] "Though justice be thy plea, consider this – that in the course of justice none of us should see salvation. We do pray for mercy."

Merchant of Venice. Nice. Very cool, lots to think about.

Vengeance is a tomb all-encompassing—

[hastily] Okay, this isn't a poetry reading. A kid just died. Everyone go home and hug your loved one or something.

Dad, can we please go back and hang out with Grandpa's clay people?

Jerry

Why? Because they might have a Sega Dreamcast? Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in?

Summer

Because this sucks ass! Camping is just being homeless without the change.

Jerry

Well, that attitude is exactly why we're out here. You guys wouldn't last two seconds on your own. You're only happy when you're penned in and drսgged up like some kind of chicken or lemur... [sees Summer and Morty using their phone and gaming device] Hey! I told you kids, no phones!

There's not even any service. Just... just let us be happy for a minute.

Jerry

You know, maybe if you two stopped whining and let your old man take the reins, you might actually learn something. [roasts a marshmallow and uses it to make a s'more] Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat.

Summer

Oh, you think this s'more makes you special? What, because someone said "good job" to you once when you were ten? [throws it in the fire] That's actually really sad, Dad. Let's be real - you've been high-roading us non-stop, forcing us to do nothing in the middle of fucking nowhere, because it's the only way you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it? Because if you move the bar so low, you might actually seem like you're worth a fuck!

Jerry

[sniffles, looking deeply hurt] I'm gonna go take a walk... [sadly takes his backpack and leaves]

[to Summer] Jesus Christ. You really need to stop hanging out with Rick.

Jerry

Well, kids, never thought I'd say this, but, Summer, you were right.

Summer

Wait, what?

Jerry

I thought I wanted to teach you guys about tents, but really, I just wanted to feel important. I guess sometimes teenagers do know what they're talking about, even if it's mean.

Right, but didn't you, like, go into god-mode and fight Mom?

Jerry

Love is the only power that matters, Morty.

No, you had actual power, and you did jack shit. That was a divine staff. You could've cured cancer or raised the dead. Instead you made bugs.

Well, I was impressed, Dad. He saved my life, no thanks to you.

Your kids got high on alien mist and drove the ship into that Zeus guy's head. Basically murdered him.

Summer

Grandpa, what the hell?!

Rick, come on!

What? You did. I mean, not to cast the first stone, but Beth and Jerry? Pretty terrible parenting on your part. Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array? She basically smoked The Ring - most pilots die after three days. And Morty, the fucking moron, he thought the ship worked like a game controller! What in the Disney Channel fuck is that?! Maybe help him with homework next time! He's clearly crying for help!

Dream Team rides again!

Summer

Oh yeah, we're like Luke and Leia! ...Uh, except no kissing part. What's another famous brother–sister team?

Uh, Hansel and Gretel?

Summer

Yeah right, those two were fucking.

You gotta at least wanna know who your real mom is?

Not really, Rick. We have two badass moms now, that's kind of a win-win.

Summer

Yeah, Grandpa Rick, don't drag us into your bullshit just because you're losing control.

So time moves faster in there? It's like a Narnia thing?

I'm not a beaver who believes in Jesus Christ, Morty... but yeah, it's pretty much a Narnia thing.

Jerry

But why does he always want to be hunted?

Jerry.

That's not important right now, dad!

Jerry

Sure, guys. Rick can make secret decoys of the family and place them all around the country, but fuck me if I have questions about the starfish man in the target suit.

Summer

So thankful this is my Saturday.

"Terminate"? They're alive, dad!

And at some point, they won't be. That's how existing works. What, are you gonna save every stray cat?

No, but I can resist making more of them in a lab!

Look, save the empathy. It's more termite infestation than Blade Runner.

Summer

I still think we're decoys.

You just want an excuse to stop trying!

Summer

Yeah, and?

[donning the rings] Now we can be together, Planetina.

[pulls a sword on him] I am an individual character, I represent no group!

[using the rings on him] FIRE! WATER! DIRT! AIR!

AAAAAARGH! NOT COOL!

Then I put my sunglasses on and walked out like nothing happened!

I'm finally free! All because of Morty!

Jerry

[unsettled] What a romantic story about our son killing a roomful of people...

My whole life, I've never fit in anywhere! Everything I have to say is always met with an eyeroll, as if the act of hearing what I have to say is some exhausting chore! Nobody in this family thinks I can say or do anything right! I've been all over the universe, met hundreds of people, [starting to tear up] and Planetina's the only one I've ever met that makes me feel like I belong! And you just kicked her out of our house!

Morty, please--

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! [leaves, slamming the door]

[saddened and afraid] Please go. I-I-I can't see you anymore.

Don't you even want to try to make it work? We were so close.

You murdered 300 people.

And you murdered my kids.

They were gonna sell you away forever. Eddie was trying to kill me! Th-Those miners were innocent.

Those "innocent" miners voted men into power to protect their precious jobs so they can buy more plastic garbage and eat the corpses of tortured animals - the system is broken, Morty! This is the only way I can save Earth... the only way I can save you.

If that's the only way, I-I don't want to be saved. Please go.

But... I love you. [cups his cheek]

I-I-I can't. I-I can't love you, I-I just can't. Please understand.

[sniffing, clearly close to tears] No... I'll go. But don't you dare ask me to understand.

Planetina, I... I'm so sorry.

[now openly crying] Fuck you.

Morty... are you all right?

[sobbing] She's gone, Mom! She's gone! I loved her so much! [collapses into her arms]

I know you did, honey. [kisses his forehead and shushes him gently] Mommy's here...

The sperm made a catapult?! A-A-Are they getting smarter?!

No, you're getting dumber, because that's a trebuchet.

Nobody knows the difference!

They're reloading that textbook trebuchet! Time to fly!

Hey, what the fuck are you doing with my stuff?! A-A-And w-why do you have the horse jerkoff machine from my daughter's hospital?!

We need it to create our army.

Well, you need more than that, dummy, you need a horse!

Oh, but our stallion is already here. Isn't that right, Morty? Or shall I say... father?

[realizing what happened] Morty, you nasty, lying little world-ending pervert!

I-I'm sorry! [sobs in shame]

What was it like?

[still sobbing] Fantastic!

Rick, I'm sorry! I-I just thought maybe I could have repeated sex with a horse machine without it becoming Armageddon. I-I realize that's on me.

[trapped in a frozen block of DNA] Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies while I'm stuck here as Handjob Solo.

This is all your fault for being ashamed of us, Morty. How many millions went to their graves for you, hurling themselves into the void, only to discover a grody sock or a carefully folded landing strip of toilet paper?!

How do you know all this?!

Oh-ho, honey, because we're the very essence of you! We are your shame incarnate! And once we're through with you, our sperm army will take over the world! Put him on the machine!

Rick, do something!

On it. [rocks back and forth and falls onto his back]

Wh-what did you do?

I got out of your eyeline.