Rick quotes from Rick and Morty

Fear Hole Demon

For guys like you -- y'know, who've seen it all -- there's only a few real fears left to conquer, and one of them is right. Down. Here.

Okay, what the hell?

Y-- Yeah, this is punching down. Denny's is a nice chain that gives people starchy food when they're up late.

It's a hack joke, buddy.

Fear Hole Demon

Nope, this is the place! Good luck to both of you, I'm gonna get myself a Slam.

He just... wanted a ride, right?

He certainly took us for one.

Oh, my god, you both reek! What is that?

Morty and I shit our pants. You're looking at the two newest members of the Hole Club!

Summer

Uh, okay, sluts!

Tell you what, old man - seems like losing me made you cooler. I should die more often.

You did. You died everywhere, forever. You're the only thing I can't replace.

Maybe there's no way out? Maybe we were born here?

C'mon, we're gonna get through this.

I-I'm staying here--

No. We're Rick and Morty. I'm not leaving without you.

What did-- What did you say?

I said I'm not leaving you in here. C'mon, you're irreplaceable!

What?

Oh, my God! I-I-I know what I'm afraid of! I-I'm afraid that you'd never say that in real life! I'm afraid that if I jumped into a hole, you wouldn't even bother jumping in after me! Y-You'd just stand there and watch! This entire thing has been about me! You're not even in the Hole, are you?!

Fear Hole Demon

Thank you for visiting the Fear Hole, Morty. Your fear of relying on Rick has been... delicious.

DEAR GOOOOOOD!!!

Listen, if this is about the beers, Morty's cool. He has, like, four Purple Hearts.

Five. Those and a nickel will get you a cup of coffee.

Ho-ho! Disillusioned Morty! Love this guy!

It was a good rescue, though.

You got me fired!

Only because you blew your chance to quit!

Step one — we blend in as bugs working for the Department of Transportation. My guy Cisco will be at the back door at 7:00 a.m.

Who's Cisco?

My inside man. Don't worry.

Okay, but what if he doesn't show up?

What's that supposed to mean? You don't even know Cisco.

Which is very concerning since this plan seems very dependent on him.

So let me finish the plan.

Fine.

Step two — Cisco provides us with security credentials for the maintenance tunnels.

And if he doesn't show, what's our backup plan?

I use Cisco so that I don't need a backup plan.

Step three — we quickly and quietly patch into the surveillance grid.

Wait. How 'd we get there?

With the credentials we got from Cisco.

So in other words, if Cisco--

Cisco has never not shown up!

Can I just ask, what does someone have to do to achieve the level of trust you place in this random man?

I trust plenty of people.

Name two.

Uh, easy — Birdperson and Cisco.

Cisco's at the same level as Birdperson?!

Well, now! My associates here tell me you rustled up quite the score! Oddjob, your, uh, normal job, please.

I can monologue while we wait. You ever wonder why I'm an overweight Southern railroad baron? See, I was cloned to be the mascot of a Citadel gumbo chain. "Get yo' mouth round it!" But Big Rick's Gumbo Hutch is trash now. Whole Citadel is trash now. And there ain't no peckin' order amongst the trash.

What a utopia.

It will be, once I have the requisite Mortys. We can all be kings here, Mr. Trafficker!

Good luck with that. [leaves]

Don't go spendin' it all in one place, y'all! [to Oddjob Rick] Filthy degenerate. No accent at all.

You certainly are a bur in my saddle.

You're a joke.

I'm whatever I wanna be! That's the freedom of life as a clone! You wouldn't know – someone made you with sex! All those sweaty parts and nibbly bits! You disgust me!

[laughs and coughs] It's over, man... your dream's about to be gumbo. "Get... yo' mouth round it."

You know me? F-F... Father?!

Oh! [chuckles] Oh, no, no. Y-You're under the delusion of something called the auteur myth. Truth is, any big project is made in collaboration. Lots of delegating. I sort of... gave notes.

I don't wanna hear this!

Good news... you don't have to. Au revoir, son. [activates a detonator]

You WRETCH!

Jerry

Doesn't anyone celebrate Easter anymore? I-I don't wanna force people to go to church or anything, but--

Can you even tell me what Easter is about?

Jerry

It's when Christ was born. Or... was murdered, maybe, I don't know. But we eat candy to remember. It's important!

Jerry, if it wasn't for the aisle at Costco, you wouldn't even know it was happening.

Yeah, Dad. Example: when's Christmas?

Jerry

December 25th.

And what's today's date?

Jerry

I... A-- Ap-- April!

You're about to learn the tragic fate of the Oak Point High lacrosse team, but this podcast won't cash in on their specific and particularly gruesome group decapitation.

[turns off the radio] Too bad. Someone else will.

It's a big market, man.

Morty, don't just respond, find a podcast without scruples.

Cryoship detected.

Ooh, power's still online? [belches] What do you think, Morty? A bunch of sleeping beauties - wanna go tap on some glass?

Err, that could be fun! W-We haven't done one of those in a while.

Welcome to Bloodbath, the podcast that's only grisly details!

[belches again] Now we're talking!

Jerry

Why are we dunking on Rick? He's been a loving dad to our family for as long as I can remember.

Excuse me?

Jerry

Remember him at our wedding and Morty's birth? And that time he invented PB&J. Rick's great.

What?

Now what?!

I-- I don't know! This is as far as I've planned! I-- I've never actually had to be a parent!

Should we go back?

Rick hates me and he pulled you out of his head. He'll just kill us!

Well, if there's no way out, should we just Thelma and Lousie this?

Wait, what?!

Beth, you're real! Don't do this!

Honey, we'll be fine!

I can't live without you!

Honey, please!

This! Is how! We stay! A family!

Beth, no!

Wait! If this is a recent memory, doesn't that mean she already--?

I'm so confused, Space Beth! I hear-- I hear so many voices! I remember loving my Dad and then hating my Dad...!

That's just called being alive, sweetie. I wasn't there for you, and someone took advantage of that. But I'm here now. Your real dad is here, Beth, and he's more emotionally open.

He seems nice.

Why didn't we get that version of Dad?