[to Mike] You gotta look on the bright side. At least your mom died before you did, y'know, that's a natural course of events, y'know. Know what I'm sayin'? Parents are supposed to die before their kids, that was one of the things that was so screwed up about 9/11, y'know? All these guys... doin' the right thing, and dyin', parents havin' to bury 'em. It's not right. Besides, I'm sure your mom was a pain in the ass half the time anyways, half the time she probably called 'ya, you probably looked at your phone, and left it to go to voice mail, right? Because you didn't wanna talk to her. ... As much as I love my wife, same thing, man. Sometimes, y'know, we separate, arrange a schedule so y'know, we didn't have to see each other, except in passing at a couple weeks at a time, and then you see 'em for a coupla hours and you start to get all those great feelings back... and a couple days later, you hate 'em again. But at least she died before you did, 'cause I'll tell 'ya what, there's nothin' worse than burying your kid. I did it, y'know? ... I remember after 9/11, when the found Jimmy, what was it like, 3 weeks later? They-- they pulled his body out, after the funeral we were havin' a party or whatever, and my Aunt Bridy, his mother was havin' a rough time, and my cousin Norrine, his sister was tryin' to help her along, and she said y'know, ma the only thing that's gonna help this go away is time. I'll never forget when my Aunt Bridy said, she said 'I'm 77 years old, I don't have enough time.' It's the truth. I could live to be 106, I'm not gonna get over Connor. And he was a real pain in the ass that morning, he was ridin' that bike, in between cars, I was tryin' to fix the truck... but I got two healthy kids... and of all I've said about my wife, she's been a great mother, y'know? There's a lot to be said for that, y'know? A lot.
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You know, you were right, sweetheart. Seein' Alicia made me realize that I love you more, and you're the one that I'm meant to be with. And now that I got Keela--
More?
Yeah.
More?
Yeah, right. I-I love you more than ever.
So, you love me more.
No, baby, I love you only.
But, I mean, like how close was it? Did I beat her by a half length or was it a photo finish?
Nat, it's done. This is good news, please, just take the ring back.
No, you take it back and take all your shit with you while you're at it.
Don't do this, Nat. You're the one who told me to go see her, okay? We just agreed that honest is the best policy, right?
No.
Baby, don't.
No, I am not your baby anymore. I'm gonna take a long walk, be gone when I get back.
We just want you to know, that everybody is in this room because we love you. And feel like you're slippin' away. And so, you know, if you just take a moment, we've all written down some things and we'd like you to just listen with an open mind... to--
Wait, is this like one of those intervention thingys?
Yeah.
I'll do it.
You'll do it?
Yeah. I'm tired of this shit. Waking up god knows, with god knows who, havin' done god knows what, feelin' like an atomic bomb went off inside my skull. I'm finished. Box me up and ship me to rehab.
Okay!
...
I have a stack of notebooks here, I didn't even get to say my piece.
I'm with the kid, I have grievances to air.
Oh, blow it out your ass, old man. I am not gonna give you the satisfaction.
So, what are you people tryin' to say?
You gotta get off the sauce, Teddy. You gotta quit drinkin'.
This is comin' from you? Look at this place, look at your life! Does being sober make your life any easier?
Not really, but--
Well, there you go.
Hey, it's a process. It's a one day at a time type of thing. You do one day at a time, then two days, then turn days into weeks, and weeks into months, and gradually, slowly, it goes from being shitty, to being good, to eventually, being uh... great, right?
Right, great.
So, what do you say, Teddy, you gonna get some help?
Uh, no.
Teddy doesn't wanna go to rehab, but he does wanna get better. Mick, you still gonna take him to meetings?
Yeah, sure.
I mean, shit, we got enough drunks in this room, to start our own meetings.
That's not a bad idea.
There's no reason we can't.
No, right?
Sure.
I'm not a drunk. [Maggie laughs]
Yeah, okay. We could do it Monday, Wednesday...
Except I'm not a drunk!
This from a guy who drank a bottle of brandy, and drove his car into his laundromat.
Hey, that was three years ago, and it was snowing.
Yeah, it was the weather.
As far as I'm concerned, God was your mother. The way she raised you kids, the love she showed you. The way she helped you overcome all the stuff that scared the shit outta 'ya. The height thing, the bee thing, your mother was a saint.
What heights thing? I'm not afraid of heights. What are you talkin' about? I'm a goddamn fireman for Christ's sake, I'm up on the ladder, up in the bucket every other goddamn day.
No, not now, thanks to her. Christ, she couldn't even put you in a highchair. But she cured 'ya, she took you up on the roof, held you over the side, and tickled you with her nose, the next thing you know, you were begging her to throw you up in the air.
What was the bee thing?
You're deathly afraid of them. You used to wear a wool hat in the summer so they wouldn't bite you on the head. I don't think you ever got over that. There's one now.
[startles and looks around] Where?
[laughs] Gotcha.
[on the phone] Hey, how 'ya doin'?
The knee's still really sore, but I feel better, a lot better.
Yeah? What are you doin'?
[eating ice cream] Uh, nothin'. Ju-- Just chillin'.
Doin' what?
Nothin'.
You're mopin', aren't 'ya?
No, I'm not mopin'.
You're havin' a giant mope-fest over there, aren't 'ya?
No, I- I was just readin'.
You're reading? That guarantees me that you're mopin'. Here's what I want you to do, when they were bringin' me down off the fire escape, the other night by your place, I noticed down the block there's like a bar/cafe thing. I want you to put away the ice cream, yeah, yeah, I know you're eating ice cream, yeah. That which guarantees again, moping. I want you to put on somethin' nice, go down there and meet somebody, alright? Preferably a girl.
Hey, check it out, look what Shawn found.
Antique lamp, totally untouched by the fire or smoke.
Pretty cool, huh?
Hand it over, you mugs. [they hand it to him] Alright, three things, okay? This is private property, which means it belongs to someone, which means it has memories and emotions attached to it, it could possibly be a family heirloom. Second, taking private property from the scene of the fire, damaged or not, okay? Is against department regulations.
What's the third thing, Lou?
It looks like it's a reading lamp from a bedside table, which means there's probably another one exactly like it lying around, if you could find that and bring it directly to me, I'd appreciate it. [they all turn to go look for it] Thank you.
You know what, that's gonna go real nice with that headboard that you got out of the furniture warehouse fire last year.
It's the fun side of being a boss.
[discussing whether or not he should have sex with his cousin Mike's girlfriend as revenge for his cousin having sex with Teresa] There's only one problem: She's black.
Are we talkin' Halle Berry black, or Jennifer Hudson black?
Aretha Franklin black.
Holy shit.
Now, not to say I have anything against black women, I think they happen to be very, very beautiful, it's not a racial thing at all.
No, no, no. Nobody's talkin' about nobody's skin color or anything. Lemme ask you this, can she sing?
How the hell do I know?
Well, I'm just askin' because sometimes a talent in one area can overcome or take the edge off a lack of talent in the other area.
Did I also mention that she's fat?
Oh, she's fat? How fat?
I mean, she'd have to be able to sing, dance, paint, and figure skate just to take the edge off, and even then there'd be a lot of edge left.
Okay, you know what? You'd have to be psychologically damaged, or maybe have a dent in your head to even think about possibly having sex with somebody under those particular circumstances.
You think?
Yeah, I think so.
[pause] I'm thinkin' the sooner the better.
Yeah, maybe tomorrow, just to get right back him.
Alright, guys, the truth of the matter is, if you don't believe in some higher power, trusting something higher than yourself, you're gonna wind up counting days. You know, believe me, I was a priest, okay? And I find more god in these rooms, even this room than I ever did working for the church, y'know? Y'know, the ability to share your sins with other sinners, that's what's gonna get you through. Even, let's say, two minutes after we walk out of this apartment Tommy goes into the kitchen and opens up a kitchen cabinet and finds a brand spankin' new bottle of Maker's Mark, if he has faith and trust, he won't drink it.
Holy shit.
What?
There's a bottle of Maker's Mark in one of these cabinets? [Elle smacks him] Ow! Goddamn it!
[as they are making a list of people they've hurt with their drinking] You're shittin' me, right?
What?
My name's not in your top three?
Excuse me. How have I hurt you with my drinkin'? Give me one for instance.
I had to leave the firehouse to come get you from that club from downtown. You puked all over the inside of my Cordova.
You know, I was 14 years old and that was the first time I ever drank!
All the more reason why I should be number one.
Am I on your list?
For what?
Christmas, '86. You grabbed my left tit, Teddy!
First of all, it was a slight graze. Second of all, I drank half a bowl of eggnog that night, through a straw! Third of all, most important of all, I would never, ever do such a thing.
Hey, guys, I'm dyin', whoo! I can barely keep my eyes open, I got hammered last night. Those Long Island Iced Teas really do a number on 'ya, you know? Brutal. [Tommy and Kenny go to walk away] Hey, you wanna know how many I had? Two... and a half. Yeah, you know, it was hardcore, you know where I woke up this morning? My couch. It's pretty goddamn embarrassing, you know? I think I might have a problem.
I have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. [hands him a pamphlet]
What's that?
It's a little thing we like to call the 20 questions. It's from Alcoholics Anonymous, it's kinda like a booze exam if you'd like to take it.
Okay. [reads questions from it] 'Is drinking making your home life unhappy?' It's mostly her drinking, so no. 'Do you drink because your shy with other people?' No. 'Is drinking affecting your reputation?' No. No. No. No. Why are you supposed to have yes' for this? Because if it's no's I'm gonna ace this thing.
Lou.
One time in the not so distant future my cousin Mike and I are gonna take out drinking. And if we notice you like to drink and get drunk and drink to excess, and if you pass the Shea cousin's drinking exam, then you will be called an alcoholic.
Why's that?
Because we're all alcoholics, functioning yes, but blazin' alky's all the same.
[about taking the Chief's daughter on a date] What if she gets interested?
Well, then you give her the whole: 'Look, I'm a mess, you're so great, and I can't give you what you need. So, I'm gonna have to do the horrible thing and walk away and think about you for the rest of my life, especially when I masturbate.'
Yeah the famous Lou end to the relationship line.
[about Wyatt] He kept me up all night last night, and I couldn't find a babysitter so I had to miss Tony's gig.
Yeah, well, welcome to babyland. This is what it's like. You're finally learning, you're not ready, okay?
My own kid will be completely different.
Oh, really? How's that?
'Cause I will actually be in love with my own baby.
Oh, right, right. Love. I forgot, you're an expert on love.
Like you know. Like you're an expert on that.
I do know. I am an expert on love. I know enough to tell you this, you the two of yous, what's his name?
Tony.
Tony, okay? You think you're in love but one of these days, the two of 'ya, are gonna wake up and one of 'ya's, maybe both of 'ya's at the same time are gonna look at the other and say, 'you know what, I'm outta here.' You know, you're 18 years old, he's your first boyfriend.
Okay, well, you met mom in high school and she was 16.
Okay, you know what? We... we didn't start having sex until, you know, later.
She was pregnant with me before she even graduated.
Right. We fell in love, and then we had sex, that's-- that's how it happened. It was real love. It wasn't this, y'know, Fake Babyhead, lead singer, rock and roll love. What? Listen to me, I know what I'm talkin' about. I wasn't the lead singer in a band, okay? I had a real job.
[about the Jetta] You got any keys?
Yeah. [hands him a screwdriver]
You're kiddin' me.
Well, look on the bright side, if you lose it, there's 200 just like it at TruValue.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rescue Me pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.