Michael Gavin quotes from Rescue Me

Michael

I haven't seen you in many, many years. Peggie Sue. I hardly reconized you.

Maggie

You know what? Why do you gotta call me that name? I hate that name. My name's Maggie.

Michael

It's the name your mother and I gave you.

Maggie

I don't care. It's a stupid name. Just because you and mom were a Buddy Holley fan doesn't mean I gotta be stuck with that stupid name for the rest of my life.

Michael

I'm an old man. So they put me in jail. That could be two weeks for all we know.

Uncle Teddy

That could be one week.

Michael

Thanks, asshole.

Uncle Teddy

Look, you're not doing this, if this goes down, I'm the shooter.

Michael

I had first dibs.

Tommy

Did you just say dibs?

Sheila

Hey, here comes the cake! [sings] Happy birthday...

Michael

Shut your hole! Now, I'm warnin' each and everyone of ya right now, anyone who comes up with that happy birthday bullshit, I'm droppin' my pants and taking a leak on this cake and walking the hell outta here.

Sean

I uh…the thing is-- see my family, they raised me right... I think. I wanted to do this respectfully and so uh…that's why I'm here Mr. Gavin. To ask you most sincerely and most... some other word for um... your daughter, Maggie's hand in marriage.

Michael Gavin

Are you retarded?

Maggie

[whispers] I can't believe Tommy's missing this.

Lou

[whispers] I'm taking notes.

Sean

I mean, I had some reading comprehension problems in school and I had to take the SAT's like 11 times and I still didn't pass---

Michael Gavin

What's the point of asking me for her hand in marriage when you've already asked her for it?

Sean

That's a good point. That's a good point, Dad. Is it too early for me to call you that?

Michael Gavin

I don't know, is it too early for me to call you asshole? [at the table Lou laughs and writes that down for the notes] You do realize that she is a blood-sucking, hell bitch.

Maggie

What?!

Michael Gavin

This is a private conversation.

Maggie

You see these shoes? These are gonna go right up your ass old man.

Michael Gavin

[to Sean] You see how she talks to me? And I'm her father. Imagine what she'll say to you.

Sean

I don't have to imagine.

Michael Gavin

Now, you seem like a pretty nice kid, a little slow but nice. You see that door right over there? Use it and never look back.

Maggie

That's it. You're not invited to the wedding. No invitation for you.

Michael Gavin

Yeah, well what about the wedding after this one? Am I banned from that one too?