Franco Rivera quotes from Rescue Me

Franco

Two fags in a tree.

Lou

It's a tree-some!

Franco

I'm tellin' ya brother. Havin' your picture in this calendar is like having a license to mint pussy.

Lou

"Mint pussy." May be one of the worst Ben & Jerry flavors of all time.

Sean

It's a nice view, huh?

Tommy

Yeah. It'll never be the same for me.

Franco

Yeah, me either.

Laura

Even when they put up whatever it is that they're puttin' up.

Franco

It's like they're tryin' to erase what happened. You know?

It's insulting. Remember when they had those spotlights right after 9/11? I couldn't take that. I like it like this... empty. Just the way those scumbags left it. No spotlights, no new buildings, just empty.

Tommy

Yeah. That's the thing about the spotlight, you know. Walk out into it and at first everybody thinks they see a good-lookin' all-American hero. But then you stay out there long enough and you know, they start to notice certain things. Maybe your nose is a little crooked, you know, maybe your teeth are too crooked. Maybe you got a little scar on your upper lip. Your hair's not right. One eye's bigger than the other. Next thing 'ya know they think they're lookin' at some kinda goddamn monster. Like they're lookin' at King Kong. Then they start throwin' shit at 'ya.

Lou

Well, I'll tell ya one thing. That morning they threw a couple a jets into a couple a buildings. And they threw at us the biggest job in the history of our profession. And what do we do? We gave up 343 of our guys to save... at least 10,000.

Tommy

Yeah. And look at us now: Three years later and still waitin' for a goddamn raise. I'll tell 'ya what guys, we were on our own that morning and we're still on our own today.

Now, you're talkin' about bad kissin'. Are you talkin' about too much saliva bad kissin'? Or using your tongue like an iguana eatin' a fly bad kissin'? [Sean and Franco give him a look] Hey, I used to be a player.

Franco

That was disturbing, Chief.

Sean

Yeah. And disgusting.

You shoulda saw the chick that I did it with.

Franco

What's with the camera?

Laura

Oh, my folks wanted to see where I worked. So I, uh, you know, I thought I'd send them a couple pictures give them an idea of what it looks like.

Sean

Oh, yeah? You gonna take any pictures of us?

Laura

I don't wanna scare them.

Franco

Hey, Laura. Can you do me a favor?

Laura

If it involves any part of your body, no.

Laura

Can I tell you how this is gonna go?

Franco

Yeah, please. I love a woman who takes control.

Laura

You're really cute, and really funny, and make great faces, until I sleep with you which I eventually will because you're a tall stud and I'm as unlaid as a pile of bricks.

Franco

Sounds good so far.

Laura

But then I'll want more out of the relationship eventually, you know, me being the woman and all and I'm so goddamn good in the sack you will actually try and commit for the first time in your life. You'll change for me Franco. But then you'll resent me and I'll resent you for resenting me. Pretty soon we won't even stand being in the same room together let alone forcing our body parts to intersect. But we have to be in the same room because we work together. So unless one of us dies in a fire or moves away or kills the other. We'll be forced to remember the bloody horrific train wreck of a relationship that we had that started with your hand on my coat. But it's your move, stud.

Franco

[pause] I'll see you tomorrow.

Laura

Smart man.

Franco

[After sex] Alright, so what does this mean?

Laura

This meaning... [makes a motion to them with her fingers] This?

Franco

Yeah. What does this mean?

Laura

[laughs] Oh, come on. You did not just ask me that. I'm just the girl here.

Franco

Hey, well I wanna get things clear. We work together, things could get messy.

Laura

Okay, let me do the math for you. [points to herself] Drunk and horny. [points to Franco] Perpetually horny.

Franco

Yeah.

Laura

Equals out [looks at her watch] 34 minutes of extremely hot, but meaningless sex. So do you want to discuss this more? [pulls one foot above her head] Or do you want to go for the full hour?

Franco

Talking is way overrated, I'm sorry. [kisses her]

Lou

[after rescuing Sully, who's dressed in female fetish clothing] All the angels and saints.

Franco

Holy shit.

Mike

Is that Sully? [Sean checks, sees that it is, and jumps up and away from him instantly]

Blessed screaming Jesus on a whole wheat goddamn cracker.

Sean

Okay, I think I'm gonna puke.

Wait, guys let me explain.

Lou

Go ahead, man. We're all ears.

[laughs] Oh, who am I kiddin', right? I like to dress up like a chick, okay? I like to wear panties and high heels and... rough sex.

Franco

[to Laura] The point is this we all use every ethnic and personal slogan in the book against each other. You name it we say it.

Tommy

It's true. Cock-breath.

Franco

Shithead.

Sean

Asswipe.

Mike

Numb nuts.

Tommy

Ball brains.

Franco

Shit for brains.

Sean

Dipshit.

Mike

Pussy.

Tommy

Prick.

Franco

Dick.

Sean

Scumbag.

Tommy

Dick face.

Franco

Ape ass.

Mike

Ape face.

Tommy

Pencil dick, tight ass, needle dick.

Franco

Yeah. And that's not even getting into any of the gay stuff.

Sean

Laura, we call each other names all the time it's like, you know, what do you call it?

Mike

Name calling?

Sean

No, it's like ball busting but more-- more--

Tommy

Camaraderie.

Sean

No... no.

Franco

It's part of being on the team, you know, you joke around. You jive, you cut.

Laura

I never sit around with my girlfriends and call them a twat. I was on the basketball team in high school. I was on the girl's softball team in college and I never called any of those women a twat. You know why? Because every woman I've ever met finds that word offensive. Not as offensive as the other word but in a race you know, they're like neck and neck.

Tommy

Yeah, but now you work in a job with men. A highly-populated job by men, so now you gotta cut the men you work with a little slack.

Mike

I thought the word that women hated most was the "C" word.

Sean

Yeah. I thought they invented "twat" so no one would ever have to say the other word ever again.

Laura

I think men invented both and never bothered to check with women about either.

[about Laura] Franco, you're not messin' around with her are you?

Franco

What're you nuts? She's not even my type.

Franco, she's got two tits, a pussy and she's breathin'.

Franco

Okay, so my taste in women has a wide set of parameters.

Okay, you think you're prejudiced?

Tommy

Yep.

Against who?

Tommy

Chevy Neons that cost 12 grand to buy but have 8,000 dollar paint jobs and have 9 Spicks inside of them smokin' weed. That's one thing.

Now the term Spick--

Franco

It's okay, I'm a Spick.

Well, see that's not really th---

Tommy

Crazy chink broads that really don't know how to drive in the first place but now they have cell phones stuck to their ears while their doin' 65 MPH down 5th Avenue, huh, right? Crazy chinks on bikes who have 10 pounds of Chinese food strapped to the handle bars.

Franco

You see, that's another thing. Puerto Ricans even get shafted when it comes to racial slurs. Chinks have what, like four? We have one-- Spick. That's it. The Irish they got, mick, patty, donkey. The Italians they got guinea, wop, dago.

Sean

Yeah, and spaghetti-bender.

Franco

Ah, spaghetti-bender went out of style during Sinatra's first marriage.

Mike

Greaseball.

Franco

Yeah, greaseball. There you have it; that's four.

Tommy

Yeah, and the same thing with the Jews, right? Heeb, kike, Jew boy, Benny.

Franco

Shylock.

Tommy

That's five.

Franco

Black people, forget about it. Spear-Chucker, jungle bunny, raisin head, porch monkeys.

Lou

Spook.

Sean

Tar baby.

Franco

Yeah. It's endless, totally unfair. [Don Kleinman just looks at them, totally mortified] What?

Franco

It's not a thingy, Sean! It's a step. And you're supposed to make amends for your own personal bullshit not mine! Tellin' Laura I was bangin' the nurse, that's one thing. Tellin' the whole crew that I was bangin' Laura, Sean, that's like a whole new level of retardation. That is like the special Olympics of substance abuse.

Sean

Well, I was drunk.