Sean Leslie Garrity quotes from Rescue Me

Mike

Hey, man, straighten up. There two hot chicks in a party full of gay guys. It's like catching fish in a barrel.

Sean

[pauses] It's shooting fish.

Mike

What?

Sean

It's shooting fish in a barrel. That's the expression, you dumbass.

Mike

Yeah but if they're in the barrel, why would you shoot 'em? Why wouldn't you just reach in with your hands and pull one out?

Franco

It's not a thingy, Sean! It's a step. And you're supposed to make amends for your own personal bullshit not mine! Tellin' Laura I was bangin' the nurse, that's one thing. Tellin' the whole crew that I was bangin' Laura, Sean, that's like a whole new level of retardation. That is like the special Olympics of substance abuse.

Sean

Well, I was drunk.

Sean

Hey, maybe I can help.

Yeah, and I can grow a vagina.

Sean

You call up and you tell them what kind of service you want, what kind of hours you need and they send over a bunch of nurses.

I only need one.

Sean

I know, but that's like the fun of it. They send over a bunch and you choose one. It's like American Idol, you know, except it's nurses instead of singers, and you don't get to call up and vote to see who wins, and Paula Abdul's not there acting like a freak show. Actually it's not like American Idol at all.

[seeing Sean and Mike play Scrabble] Look at this: A meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.

Tommy

[looking at the Scrabble board] Hmm. "Tag." "Arm." "It." "Go." That's great guys.

Laura

Why even bother keepin' score?

Mike

[placing tiles on the board] F-E-L-L. Read it and weep.

Sean

Oh, shit. How many points? [Sean and Mike just stare at each other, Mike takes a little time to figure it out]

Mike

Eight.

Sean

Hey, I've--I've been thinkin' about your nuts. And I think it's gonna be okay. I mean, look at Lance Armstrong. He turned out really well.

Mike

Yeah, was that before or after he landed on the moon?

Sean

No, Lance Armstrong. The guy who won the Tour de France like 26 times in a row. (Mike is silent) Whoa, holy shit, bro you don't even know what the Tour de France is, do you?

Mike

I want to say wine tasting?

Sean

[gasps] You banged my sweet cousin, Angie?

Franco

No.

Sean

Oh, Jesus.

Franco

I banged your sister.

Sean

Missy? Franco she was like 17.

Franco

I know. I waited a year.

Sean

Seriously, this whole Katy thing is freaking me out. I can't shake it.

Lou

So you believe in heaven?

Sean

Of course.

Lou

With people standing around on clouds all day?

Sean

Well, yeah.

Lou

With wings?

Sean

We---I don't know about wings. That seems a little stupid.

Lou

But people standing around all day on water vapor. That's perfectly reasonable?

Sean

Look, all I'm saying is that there is a heaven, okay? I've always believe that. What it is exactly, that's up to each individual person. You know? Like, my heaven, for example, I mean, there's clouds.

Lou

We've established that.

Sean

But there's a lot of downtime, y'know? And you can play video games all day. Oh, and the best part is, if you, like want a Mountain Dew or somethin', you don't have to go and get it and open the can, y'know? You just-- You think it, and then taste just...appears in you mouth, and you're quenched. You know, your thirst.

Sean

[After talking to Katy] You had to be there, Lou. It was eerie.

Mike

Yeah spooky. Like in horror movies where the little girl's a total freak and kills everyone in the end.

Sean

Yeah, and the way she was talking, uh, and her eyes. She didn't blink the entire time that we were with her.

Mike

She didn't. I was watching.

Lou

You know, guys, she's a little girl whose brother just died. She's dealing with it.

Sean

Hi.

Katy

Hi.

Sean

How are you doing? (He walks towards the bed and sits down next to Katy.)

Katy

I miss my brother.

Sean

Yeah, yeah, I bet. But you know what, Katy? You just- ah- you just gotta remember that you're gonna- see him again... someday. You know, up in heaven.

You want to help me out here, say something? Say something. Say something!

Mike

Um, you see, Katy, um, where he is right now, there is no pain. He is happy. And he doesn't remember anything about the accident. God makes that all go away.

Sean

Is that true?

Mike

That's what I heard.

Sean

Wow. Wow.

Sean

Listen Katy, you gotta know that Connor is fine and he's being taken care of, and you're going to see him again."

Katy

No, I won't.

Sean

Yes, you will, sweetie, I promise.

Katy

No, I won't. Because there is no heaven.

Mike

Of course there's a heaven, honey.

Katy

Prove it.

Sean

Um... See, y-you just have to... believe.

Katy

I do believe. I believe there is no heaven, just as there is no god. Human beings know he doesn't exist. We need to feel special, more special than animals and bugs. Because we are scared. We need to think there is someone out there protecting us, watching over us. We're nothing. We come from dirt, and we go back into the dirt.

Mike

See ya. (He quickly gets up and leaves.)

Sean

Listen, Katy-

Katy

Can you please leave me alone now?"

Sean

Absolutely. (He gets up and leave.)

Sean

You know, she looks like my mom.

Tommy

What did you say?

Sean

That lady, she, she reminds me of my mom.

Tommy

Shit.

Your mom is that hot?

Sean

Oh yeah, oh yeah. I mean, hotter.

Franco

Really? Your mom has that kind of face? Those lips? That kind of rack?

Sean

Yeah, well, my mom's rack is a little bigger actually.

Tommy

Where do you come off mentioning your mom and the word 'rack' in the same sentence?

Sean

I'm just saying, my mom she's, she's got like a large set of... of uh, you know, she's really...

Tommy

Enough! Jesus Christ!

Sean

What?

Tommy

Goddamnit... I was, I was gonna go over and talk to that chick! Let me correctify that. She's not a chick. In a room full of self-involved, young titless little chicks, she's a woman, okay? A real woman. Probably a very witty and wonderful woman...

Franco

With a great rack.

Tommy

The rack was secondary, okay? It doesn't matter now. But the point being, I can't go over there and talk to her now.

Sean

But why, why not?

Tommy

Because even if I went over to talk to her and got her to come home with me somehow, and got her to reveal the afore-mentioned great rack, all I would be thinking about is your mom's rack, and how great your mom's rack is. Not that I ever thought of your mom's rack before, but that's all I can think of now! Your mom's rack!

Sean

Hey, woah. You know what, my mom's married pal, okay?

Sean

What?

Franco

Forbidden fruit, ball face.

Sean

You mean, like, melons?

Franco

So, Sean John, you gonna see your new girlfriend tonight?

Sean

Uh... yeah, maybe, I don't know.

Franco

Well, which one is it?

Sean

What?

Tommy

Yeah? Maybe? I don't know? Pick one.

Sean

Yeah, yeah.

Franco

Atta boy, is she good?

Sean

Yeah, yeah, she's doin' good. She's really good.

Franco

Nah, nah, nah, nah. I mean, is she good?

Sean

Uh... that's really, you know, really I'm not so comfortable discussin' that.

Tommy

Since when?

Franco

Yeah, I mean we talk about this shit all the time. It's pretty much all we talk about. Does she like it from the back? Hair pulled? Ass smacked?

Sean

You know what that's a little-- I'm tryin' to be respectful, I respect her-- She's respectable. C'mon, y'know. [pause, all silent]

Tommy

So, what you're sayin' is that you're pretty much all about... respect now?

Sean

Yeah, yeah. Y'know, tryin'. [Sean is really uncomfortable and leaves]

Franco

Jesus, Tom, this is even more fun then you said it would be.

Tommy

Told you.

Franco

Kid's dyin' inside.

Franco

Hey, you talk to T about Maggie yet?

Sean

No. Oh God, no. He seems kinda raw y'know, after the whole Johnny thing.

Franco

He seems fine to me.

Sean

Really?

Franco

Yeah been laughin', bullshittin' like normal.

Sean

Really? He was doing this whole bristling thing the other day, and in the kitchen he just threw me this really weird vibe. It kinda freaked me out.

Franco

He's bristlin'?

Sean

Yeah.

Franco

He knows.

Sean

Oh, shit. Really, ya think?

Franco

Yeah, you said he was bristling, right?

Sean

Yeah, well, I don't know, he coulda been stewing.

Franco

Well, Sean, there's a difference. If he's bristling he defiantly knows. If he's stewing it's up in the air.

Sean

Shit.

Franco

Well, maybe he's just waitin' for the right moment to bash your face in and set you on fire.

Sean

No way, I've been too careful, there's no way that he knows.

Franco

Ah, Sean. No offense, but being careful for you is like tempting fate for most.

Tommy

Hey, Garrity. Humpin' around last night?

Sean

[coughs] What? Humpin' around...uh, no. I was uh, only hump the one--I just--I just uh, make love to the girlfriend.

Tommy

So you're like a one woman guy now?

Sean

Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much.

Tommy

So when are we gonna meet the girlfriend?

Sean

Meet her? The girlfriend? Uh...she's, uh, soon. I don't know, she works a lot.

Tommy

Uh-huh.

Sean

Yeah, yeah. So y'know. Hey, that was some brew-ha-ha the other night, wasn't it? I mean not ha-ha funny just sorta...actually it wasn't funny at all... it was sickening, kinda.

Tommy

Yeah that's how we settle things in my family, y'know, we're Irish.

Sean

Yeah, well, hey, please, tell me about it. Garrity.

Tommy

No, I mean like we're real Irish. Not your generation fake, faggotity Irish. Y'know, what I mean? I know you guys are like 'my feelings' and y'know talk it out. We don't talk it out. We find out who's responsible, then we find the person and we beat the living shit outta them. My grandfather's best friend growin' up, he was friends with this guy for like 40 years and I guess the guy was flirtin' with my grandmother one day--- long story short my grandfather rearranged the guy's face and he can barely talk now.

Sean

Wow. Well, wha--what did the guy say to your grandma?

Tommy

Uh, good morning. [Tommy throws down his cigarette and makes Sean step on it] Don't tell anyone about that.

Sean

Hey, we all make mistakes, right?

Tommy

What?

Sean

You say somethin'? [Tommy leaves] I'm a dead man.

Sean

You know what, Tom, this is just you -- being you, y'know, overprotective and thinkin' I'm good enough for your sister.

Tommy

That is not the issue believe me.

Sean

Yes it is.

Tommy

Of course you're good enough for her.

Sean

Oh, really?

Tommy

Yeah. And so are the four other guys, the underwear and the sock guys.

Sean

Oh, very funny. [they get into a shoving match]

Tommy

My sister.

Sean

She's my girlfriend! [Sean starts walking away]

Tommy

And well, one other thing, asshole.

Sean

What?

Tommy

Don't tell her I mentioned this stuff to you, alright? Please? Sean?