Talkie Toaster quotes from Red Dwarf

Lister

Look, I don't want any toast, and he (pointing to Kryten) doesn't want any toast. In fact, no-one around 'ere wants any toast! Not now - not ever. No toast!

Talkie Toaster

How 'bout a muffin?

Lister

Or muffins, we don't like muffins round 'ere! We want no muffins, no toast, no tea cakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot cross buns! And definitely no smegging flapjacks!

Talkie Toaster

(after a very brief pause): Ah, so you're a waffle man!

Lister

You see?

Lister

NO TOAST!

Toaster

But I am a toaster. It is my raison d'etre. I toast, therefore I am. If you don't want any toast, why did you repair me, hm?

Lister

Yeah, why did you repair him?

Kryten

He's a guinea pig for a technique called "Intelligence Compression." His AI chips were very badly damaged in the accident.

Toaster

But that was no accident! That was first-degree toastercide!

Lister

Just shut your grill!

Talkie Toaster

I have a third question. A sensible question. A question that will test the limits of your new IQ to its very limits and stretch the sinews of your knowledge to bursting point!

This is gonna be about waffles, isn't it?

I apologise, Toaster, what's the question?

Talkie Toaster

The question is this: given that God is infinite, and that the Universe is also infinite...would you like a toasted teacake?