Ben quotes from Reaper

Gladys

If you want to know how to please a demon, I can help you.

Ben

Really? Because that'll be great.

Gladys

Of course. Drop by my place tonight, and I'll give you a one-on-one tutorial as they say. I like to make learning fun, so bring along plenty of plastic garbage bags.

Ben

Sex is an essential component in a strong relationship! It is the cornerstone of...something. I don't know. I read it in some female book.

Nina

What exactly are female books?

Ben

I'm going to have sex with you in your natural body. Now I would simply ask that your wings don't poke me in the eye. Also, please be aware that my skin is very sensitive. It chaffs easily. Also, please don't talk while we're doing it. I mean, your demon voice is a little mannish. Okay? Now I'm going to have a cocktail first, if you don't mind. Do you have a glass?

Nina

So, you want this?

Ben

I can drink from the bottle.

Ben

(talking about the baby) It's probably hungry. It needs mother's milk.

Sock

Oh, well, sorry I'm not lactating right now.

Ben

There are some drugs you can take that will dull the sex drive.

Sock

Isn't that chemical castration?

Sam

I'm not done until we get back together.

Ben

Good for you! Sometimes you gotta look reality in the face and say no!

Ben

(turning around) Can you put some clothes on, please?

Sock

Too upset for clothes, Ben.

Ben

Saturday is our two-month anniversary.

Nina

Wow. Two months ago, I kidnapped you and forced you to be my boyfriend.

Ben

Tomorrow night, for our special anniversary, you and me, we're flying to the moon.

Nina

(laughs) Baby, you would freeze and suffocate before you got there.

Sam

How'd it go with you and Kristin's dad?

Sock

He called me a clown, said I wasn't good enough to date Kristin, and attacked me with a fishing rod. I had to escape by swimming across the lake.

Ben

That's terrible, Sock.

Sock

You know, honestly, compared to other times when I met the parents, it didn't go that badly, Benji. You know, he didn't pull a gun on me, didn't try to rip off my genitals.

Sam

Sounds like he's got a soft spot for you.

Nina

Long time ago, I had hemophobia.

Ben

That ain't right. My cousin's gay.

Nina

No, no. Hemo-phobia. It's the fear of blood.

Ben

You love blood.

Nina

I know! See that's what's crazy. I just had to confront my fear, immerse myself in it. Once I did that, it was great. I loved it. Now I can bathe in it every single day.

Ben

That's...nice for you.

Sock

(looking through their house window) Why is there a small Mexican lady in our kitchen?

Ben

That's my grandmother. Also, she's not Mexican.

Sock

What? You're --

Ben

Not Mexican either.

Ben

(talking about his grandmother) She would disown me.

Sock

That seems a bit much, but I do know how you Mexicans have a spicy temper.

Sock

Oh my god, she's so hot.

Ben

Smokin'.

Sock

Shut your mouth, that is my sister! I've got dibs.

Ben

Hey guys, check out our beer logo.

Sam

Our beer logo is a baby? Isn't that dumb?

Ben

It's a leprechaun.

Sock

Where's his hat?

Ben

He took it off...because it's impolite to wear his hat when he's drinking.

Sam

Why is he wearing a bib?

Ben

Okay! It's a baby, alright? It's the only thing I knew how to draw!