Sock quotes from Reaper

Sock

[to Sam] Yes! Yes, bee-atch! You are Neo, you're The One! Eat it, Heatmeister! Oh, I have never been so attracted to a man in my life. I, that's not what I meant. Um.

Sock

You need a doctor! Dr. Jager, Dr. Cuervo and Dr. Captain Morgan, he has two titles!

Sock

Never tell crazy that you're in it for the sex!

Sock

(about Ben's track suit) You should keep that suit. You have never looked faster.

Sock

Hey you guys, want a Sock, Sam, and Ben muffin? They're delicious and nutritious.

Sock

Now, listen to me, Ben. I am going to spit some scientific fact at you. The longer most men are in a relationship, the happier they get. The opposite is true for the lady folk, okay? So we... would just like to see you happy making a woman miserable like we're both doing.

Sock

Chicks do not want sensitive, okay? They want a bad boy. They want someone who's gonna break all the rules. Someone who will bang them on the back of a motorcycle and then not do the dishes.

Sock

This is the first and last time you will ever hear me say these words, but we shouldn't be drinking tonight.

Sock

Because she is my sister, and the only one allowed to have sex with her is me.

Sock

Boxing requires focus. It's like having sex. Everything's going good, you're getting your groove on, chugging along. In comes the talking, the hints, the tips, the criticizing. Next thing you know, you've lost that concentration! You're locked in the bathroom, yelling at your own lap!

Sock

Hey, Kyle. Don't sweat Stanford, man. I only heard it's like the... fourth best university in the U.S.. Is that right?

You suck!

Sock

Hey, no shame in community college, K-Fed, I almost went!

Sock

Look at it - she's smart, she's hot, she goes to college, she works in a crap shack like this with losers like me and you. What does that tell you? Just off the top of your head.

Sam

She's got low standards?

Sock

Exactly! Use that to your advantage before she figures it out, alright? Because she will.

Ted

As you can see, most of us are doing great in the sales contest, except for a select few who think their time is better spent constructing beer bongs.

Sock

Oh, if you are referring to me, Ted the Head? I'm biding my time. Okay? Like a snake, in the grass, ready to pounce.

Ted

That doesn't even make any sense, what you just said. And don't forget that the winner receives a free twenty-pound spiral cut ham!

I'm Jewish, you jerk!

Ted

Or a gift certificate. For our Semitic and/or Muslim friends. [happily] So go get them!

Andi

You guys should never have broken up.

Sock

Oh, I had to, Andi, because I found out that [loudly] she used to be a dude!

I heard that you used to be a dude too.

Sock

[no comeback] Well, I heard that you had... one time... friend.

Sam

What?

Sock

What? What is it?

Sam

It's a Dirt Devil.

Ben

No, I take it back, Sam. That's a really evil mini-vac.

Sam

I don't know, the Devil guy was-

Ben

Messing with you! And we sell those in aisle fifteen, I think.

Sock

That'll work.