Alan Davies quotes from QI

Jo Brand

Are some people made of heavy metal?

Alan Davies

Lemmy.

Stephen Fry

How many paintings did Vincent van Gogh sell which he was alive.

Jo Brand

[To Alan.] Don’t say none.

Bill Bailey

None. I’m gonna say none.

Stephen Fry

Really, I’m afraid...

Bill Bailey

One.

Alan Davies

A few, maybe.

Stephen Fry

It was lots, he sold hundreds of paintings.

Alan Davies

Hundreds?!

Stephen Fry

Yeah. When he was 15, he used to work in an art gallery.

Alan Davies

Oh, shut up.

Stephen Fry

It’s true. I just asked you how many paintings...

Alan Davies

This is the closest I’ve come to walking out of this show.

Stephen Fry

Alan’s buzzer?

Stephen Fry

That wasn’t a buzzer, that was a buzzard.

Alan Davies

That’s harsh, though.

Stephen Fry

It is harsh.

Alan Davies

Am I on minus then already? That is a new record.

Stephen Fry

I have no... My hands are tied.

Stephen Fry

The church excommunicated all mimes in the 5th century

Alan Davies

Not a moment too soon.

Alan Davies

When they say “the police are quizzing the suspect”, that's wrong, isn't it?

Sandi Toksvig

No, that's from inquisitive and inquisition. That's a separate...

Alan Davies

You're good, you've got it. You're on the right chair. [points to himself] Got this cold feeling right there.

Sandi Toksvig

Name the cause of the first mass extinction.

Alan Davies

Oh, now, that is a trick one. You're trying to do us the dinosaur one, but there was the one before that...

Phill Jupitus

After fourteen years, he understands the format.

Romesh Ranganathan

What's going on with you today? Suddenly you know shit.

Alan Davies

Substandard panel, really.

Sandi Toksvig

What is the second-best thing to come out of Denmark?

Alan Davies

It's you, Sandi.

Sandi Toksvig

And this week's winner is: Alan!

Sandi Toksvig

He was probably dead for 40 years before somebody came up with it.

Alan Davies

Oh, like Jesus.

There was one in 1892 which was a topless duel.

Alan Davies

Oh wow that's brilliant. Channel 5 wow.

Ah between Princess Metternich and Countess Kielmansegg and what I love about this; said to have been caused by a disagreement over a flower arrangement.

Alan Davies

What an excuse that sounds like Yeah well I don't like the flowers so get your top off...I'll duel you.

Sandi Toksvig

There were three divisions for swimming in my school: A, B and C. I was in F.

Alan Davies

F for floating?

Alan Davies

Three is the magic number

Sandi Toksvig

Three is the magic number. Well, so they say, I've never tried.

Sandi Toksvig

Right, my question is, who invented this?

Alan Davies

Isn't it Winston Churchill?

Jimmy Carr

You were so epically wrong there, the buzzer didn't even went off.

Sandi Toksvig

I want it to be Winston Churchill.

Clive Anderson

We normally call it Newton's Balls, don't we?

Jimmy Carr

I think Newton's Cradle would be…

Sandi Toksvig

I think Newton's Cradle…

Clive Anderson

I'm afraid I went to a rougher school than you.

Sandi Toksvig

I think, if Newton had that many balls, it's no wonder he discovered gravity.

Sandi Toksvig

I once had waitress in Los Angeles as I…

Alan Davies

[suggestively] Did you, now?

Alan Davies

A safe? A suitcase? Your heart?

Alan Davies

And also you can measure the girth of your penis. [Hands gadget to Romesh ] You can measure the length of yours with that.

Sandi Toksvig

HOW DID WE GET THERE SO QUICKLY!?