Stephen Fry quotes from QI

Stephen Fry

[both arms on his waist] Do you know that rhyme, "I'm a little teapot, short an stout, [looks right] here's my handle, [looks left] oh bugger, I'm a sugar bowl!"

Stephen Fry

We only call ourselves 'Quite Interesting', we don't call ourselves 'Astonishing'.

Stephen Fry

I leave you with this thought about being human and being happy. If you really want to be happy all you have to do is say I am beautiful. So I want you all tonight to go and look at the mirror and say “Stephen Fry is beautiful.” Goodnight.

Stephen Fry

It's not often I find myself in a group of four people, thinking I'm the most normal, sane and balanced person, but I'm happy to feel that today.

Stephen Fry

[To David Mitchell] Once again, your relentless, urgent, slightly worried logic is making this nonsense.

Stephen Fry

Why might I put my finger up your bottom if you couldn't name of seven bald men apart from Yul Brynner? [Beat] That is one of the oddest questions I've ever asked anybody.

Stephen Fry

Don't be put off by a young person knowing more than you, Alan. You must be used to it by now.

Stephen Fry

So, with that display of general incompetence, we reach the end of recorded history. All that remains to see is who has learned its lessons, and who's condemned to repeat their mistakes endlessly…on Dave.

Stephen Fry

Do you know how they separate the men from the boys in the Navy? With a crowbar.

Stephen Fry

Well, it's just becoming rapidly more clear: there are many people on Earth who need to be killed and nearly all of them are management consultants.

Stephen Fry

This is a show in which nothing will be fair, from top to bottom, so let’s get it over with and go straight to the scores. In first place, with minus 54, it’s Sandi Toksvig. In second place, with plus 7, it’s Clive Anderson. In third place with minus sechzig (60) is Henning Wehn. And lastly, obviously, with minus 1 gazillion, is Alan Davies.

Stephen Fry

Why don’t moths come out during the day if they’re so fond of the bloody light?

Stephen Fry

There’s been a study by the RSPCA at Sydney University, they found that whipping does not have the effect of horsing a speed up... uh, speeding a horse up.

Stephen Fry

I don’t believe it, ladies and gentlemen, with a towering five inches, I mean, sorry, five points, Alan Davies!

Stephen Fry

Do you know how many Freudians it takes to change a light bulb? One to change the light bulb and another to hold the cock...father...ladder!