TV show quotes
I'm not dressing up as that mascot again. That was humiliating.
Oh, come on, Gus. You killed it, man. Didn't you hear the crowd go nuts when you did The Worm?
That wasn't The Worm.
I'm sorry, The Centipede.
It wasn't The Centipede either. I was dealing with an itch on my stomach. I think that suit has fleas.
[Shawn has just accidentally ingested speed]
Why are you talking so fast?
Why are you hearing so slow?
Listen, Shawn, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm on a bit of a hot streak of late. I don't want you coming in, messing with my swing. Because I have a tendency to over think things.
That surprises me.
[Gus is on the phone. Shawn is driving Gus's car, dressed in the Seabirds mascot costume]
Shawn, where are you, and where's my car?
I'll explain it all when I see you! I'm only a couple of minutes away.
What are you doing?
Driving around for a bit to make sure no one's following me. Your left blinker's out, by the way. Get this; I have some good news, and some bad news, and some good news. Here's the good: I know who killed Izzy.
What was the bad?
The killer may know I'm onto him.
And what was the other good?
He may think that me is actually you.
Wh- How is that good news?!
I meant good for me!
[Gus realizes someone is standing behind him, pointing a gun at him]
[Laughing] Doctor! Burton Guster, Central Coast Pharmaceuticals. I'd love to talk to you about your psychotropic needs. Oh, my gosh. Are those Laker tickets in your pocket?
They tell me I got something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But, uh, the truth is this lustrous hair and dimpled chin are merely chapter one. I'm a veritable cornucopia of high-octane maladies, such as outrageous intelligence syndrome. And a little obsessive successful disorder.
Goodness. I've never encountered a patient who suffers from so many diseases that don't exist.
Well, they, uh they exist where I come from.
And where is that?
The future.
I'm plenty sick, Wendell! Pill time, everybody! It's pill time! Pills, Come get your pills!
Orderly, restrain the patient.
Yes, ma'am.
You can't catch me, McElroy! I'm gonna keep doing this! I'm gonna keep drivin' around in circles until I get hungry! And then I'm gonna eat that fountain! I'm like the ice cream man except I have barbiturates! Ha!
Besides, the Doc said I could take these [mittens] off an hour ago.
Then why are you still wearing them?
The inner lining is so soft. I think it's Alpaca. Maybe baby muskrat. You gotta check this out.
I don't want to, Shawn.
You're gonna be sorry.
Fine. Wow, they are supple. Try it, Lassie.
Enough with the stupid mittens! They are quite soft...
Guys, I am getting some very strong psychic vibrations that we need to at least consider the possibility that Bernie is legitimately insane.
What?
[shakes his head]
Are you sensing something else?
No, no, just some water stuck in my ear from this morning's free swim.
[Kenny G.'s "Songbird" plays]
No! No!
Bernie, shut up. Shut up!
Make it stop! No!
Would you shut up?
Make him stop! Make him stop!
Don't move!
Turn it off!
All right, Bernie, all right.
Wait, wait, wait. Not yet, Shawn. My favorite part is coming up.
What? What are you telling me? That you're a Kenny G. fan?
A little bit, yes. This song.
I gotta be honest, I've never minded this song either.
So you know that's right.
It's really, really smooth.
Groove to it, Shawn.
I don't know about grooving, Gus.
Make it stop! Ah! Turn it off!
Ooh, ooh.
Oh, yeah.
Spoiler alert! I'm making you a wallet.
Oh, my God. This is worse than my nightmare. You like it here.
So Burton, how long you been a single man?
How do you know I'm single?
How much time you got?
Your father's coming to your birthday! I arranged the whole thing!
We.
We arranged the whole thing!
You did what?!
HE arranged the whole thing.
I know I'm in the doghouse.
Oh, you're not in the doghouse.
I'm not?
No, you're going to have to work really hard to make it in to the doghouse.
OK, so I'm in the yard, which is still an enclosed area. [sees Juliet's expression] Unless I'm in the pound. Jules, am I in the pound?! Where's Gus? Is Gus with me?
Why do I have to be in the pound?
So we can get adopted together like two inseparable weenie dogs.
I can't believe you hired my father!
For the record, I did not hire your father.
Oh, you're in this, Gus. You're in deep. You're an accomplice. In fact, if this were a crime, you would be in cuffs right now.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Psych pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
