Psych · Season 5
My results speak for themselves; you just hold me to a different standard!
I do not!
You buried my Easter eggs five feet underground.
And I left loose dirt to indicate a fresh dig.
Yeah, under a camouflage tarp covered in bricks and broken glass!
That was the giveaway! Pardon me for trying to challenge you!
It took me three weeks to "close the egg investigation". I was eight!
Yeah, well, just so you know, there are still two eggs you haven't found.
You're sick!
You are free to believe what you want.
Please don't say that to Gus. Now he'll just tell you that Michael Jackson isn't dead.
He learned how to fake his death from Lisa Marie.
Which implies that Elvis is still alive.
Elvis died two years ago. Is there no end to your gullibility? I told you that two years ago. He was a cashier in the shoe shop, Shawn.
We need information on counterfeiting Hong Kong coins.
And Chinese mafia.
And we need you to explain the ending of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to us.
What? What, you think that 'cause I'm Asian, I'm supposed to know all this stuff? That's borderline racist, man.
Racist? No, I don't think so. Inappropriate?
Yes.
Insulting?
Sure.
Stereotyping?
Sure.
Not racist.
Maybe a little racist.
Gus, please. Now, Ken? How many Triads do you know, and/or are you one of them?
Wow.
Okay, that definitely crossed the line.
Just tell us what you know and we will get out of your parents' house.
Holy crap, are you checking your email?
I get productive when I'm nervous.
What now, guys?
You know Romeo and Juliet, right? DiCaprio and Danes?
It's a play, too.
Sure it is. What if I said Becky Chang got mixed up with the Triads - the Golden ones - and fell in love with a Dragon. She didn't get kidnapped; she's out there making kissyface with her guypal.
New rule. From now on, any cover story or fake I.D. must be run past me and approved...
Approved.
...In writing, three days in advance.
Gus, you're kidding, right?
No, Shawn; I need the proper amount of time to concoct my alter ego that best complements yours in a situation.
I don't know where I'm going to be living in three days.
That's the deal, Shawn. Take it or leave it.
. . .
[introducing Gus to a stranger] So, he is a pharmaceutical salesman who moonlights at his psychic detective agency. And once, at camp, he wet his pants.
Spilled water on my pants
I'm sorry but if this was Saturday I would have a much better cover story
I just want to beat Gus and Lassiter!
And catch the killer?
Yeah sure, if that's what it takes.
Whoever said work was supposed to be fun?
Ron Jeremy, for starters.
Guster, you have to wake up to the real world: people have sex and kill each other. That's the real world. Not some magical "feelings" place.
Shawn, this is 2010.
Heh. Nice try, Gus. That would mean we're at war with the machines!
Your negativity... is clogging up my psychic signals. Do you mind keeping [the incredibly flirty receptionist Tanya] busy while I attempt to unclog them?
And how am I supposed to do that?
Gus would turn into Smooth Gus and try to pick her up.
I am not hitting on a girl!
Why, does that scare you? Or does that not scare you...? And does that scare you?
I believe that people who carry guns should do what their therapists say.
I am itching to get back out into the field, even if it means babysitting Shawn.
...
Babysit? Really, Jules? Come on.
Shawn, what have you done today?
Well, let's see. I watched some Phineas and Ferb, took a nap, had a snack. I'm a little tired.
Exactly.
I just want to beat Lassie and Gus!
And catch the killer.
Sure, yeah if that's what it takes.
Gus, get with the times. It's 2008.
It's 2010.
Heh. Nice try. That would mean we're at war with the machines!
Woody, in your professional opinion, how do I die?
Murder. Gangland-style execution, we never find your head.
That's a shame.
[to Gus] You slip in a tub.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Psych pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
