Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Shawn

[pointing to Lassiter's gun in the fish tank] Uh oh!

Lassiter

My baby!! It's missing three bullets. I can tell by the weight.

I think I'm going to turn my self in...

Shawn

What, for spooning with Woody!?

Woody

We did nothing wrong...

Shawn

Please explain to me again what we're doing here. As opposed to doing anything else in the world.

Gus

We're paying respects to a man who dedicated his life's work the police department, Shawn.

Shawn

Oh, please! You don't know Jim.

Detective Lassiter, why are you wearing sunglasses at an autopsy?

Shawn

Chief, if I may. Lassie spoke to us all about a week ago about wearing sunglasses to all autopsies moving forward to show respect for the dead. I simply forgot. And Gus refused because he has no value for human life.

Shawn

I can't help being a gorgeous fiend. It's just the card I drew.

Juliet

What. In the hell. Are you wearing?

Gus

Charlatan!

Looking whose talking Count Chocula over here please.

Gus

Count Chocula? you must be out of your damn mind.

Shawn

What did I tell you. No one remembers Blacula except for us and Quentin Tarantino.

Shawn

I'm dangerous in a sexy way.

More like a gay way.

Shawn

Are you sure this water is holy?

Gus

Yes! I had Father Wesley bless it over the phone!

Shawn

Over the phone?

Gus

Yes.

Shawn

I don't think it works like that.

Juliet

I used to be a detective now I'm a babysitter.

Shawn

Which makes you Elisabeth Shue and Gus is Keith Coogan

Gus

You're Coogan.

Shawn

You're Coogan.

Gus

Your mom is Coogan.

Shawn

Look around. You're the fish out of the water here.

Juliet

Because they're all pretending to be dead, Shawn.

Shawn

Or perhaps it is us, who pretend to be alive.

Shawn

Come on, let's hug it out.

Lassiter

I would rather learn to play the harp.

Lassiter

I have slowly, methodically, been building up a tolerance to chloroform over the last fifteen years.

Shawn

Dear God, why?

Lassiter

For a night like this, Spencer.

Gus

I don't believe it. It must have been some other kind of chemical.

Juliet

Oh, great. Now we have to carry two guys out of here!

Juliet

You have to admit, he's done a better job than we have of slowing down the Caminos, and he's just one guy!

Shawn

I'm just one guy! And I've solved more crimes than I can count. Because I have solved a lot of crimes, not just because I can't count very high.

Juliet

Yes, but you have a supernatural psychic gift. The Mantis is solving crimes using his natural instincts and sharply honed abilities.

Gus

She's right Shawn. I mean, if you were a regular guy solving these crimes, that'd really be impressive. But everyone knows that you're psychic. I mean, it's really an unfair advantage.

Gus

I'm not dressing up as that mascot again. That was humiliating.

Shawn

Oh, come on, Gus. You killed it, man. Didn't you hear the crowd go nuts when you did The Worm?

Gus

That wasn't The Worm.

Shawn

I'm sorry, The Centipede.

Gus

It wasn't The Centipede either. I was dealing with an itch on my stomach. I think that suit has fleas.

Gus

Why are you talking so fast?

Shawn

Why are you hearing so slow?