Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Shawn

Oh, God. Oh, Dude, it reeks in here!

Like Bigfoot's ass.

Shawn

I loved you in Y Tu Mamá También.

I'm a Cuban American in my thirties. Those guys were Mexican teenagers. Played by guys in their twenties.

Juliet

Where's the bear, Shawn?

Shawn

What could possibly make you think I know where the bear is?

Juliet

One, because someone called in a tip about a tiny blue car pulling a huge trailer down Mariposa. Two, because I'm dating you and I know when you're lying. And three, there were like three hundred packets of tartar sauce on the front step.

Shawn

I appreciate your concern. I'm going to start watching my cholesterol.

Juliet

Shawn, just so you know, if you go to prison I will not wait for you!

Shawn

Of course you won't. I'll escape; we both know that.

Juliet

Where's the bear, Shawn?

Shawn

What would possibly make you believe I have any idea where this bear is?

Juliet

Well, um, first off, someone called in a tip about a tiny blue car driving an enormous trailer down Mariposa. Secondly, I am dating you and I know when you're lying. And third, there are like three hundred packets of tartar sauce on the doorstep.

Shawn

I appreciate your concern. I'm gonna start watching my cholesterol.

Shawn

Meat Is Murder by The Smiths; 1984, Van Halen; both missing.

Juliet

Are you sure?

Shawn

Of course I'm sure; they're clearly in order.

Juliet

Tears for Fears, Depeche Mode, Thompson Twins. What order were you using?

Shawn

Sweetness.

Juliet

Men Without Hats is sweeter than Echo & the Bunnymen?

More importantly, where are Devo and Talking Heads in all of this?

Shawn

If I had to choose, I would die execution style, by firing squad.

Gus

First of all, no one's asking you to choose. And secondly, why that? It's brutal and violent.

Shawn

I know. But I would select all my shooters personally. George Carlin. Abott, or Costello, or whoever the fat one was. Richard Pryor, Adam Brody, all the comedy greats. How funny would that be?

Gus

It wouldn't be. You'd be dead.

Shawn

Why do you gotta take it to a dark place?

Gus

Uh, what is going inside the syringe?

Shawn

Gus, do you really want to know?

Gus

Yes, Shawn. I'm very particular about what goes into my body.

Shawn

It's probably safe to assume it's something lethal. Is that accurate?

Yin

A box of Mars Bars to you, Shawn.

Yin

Now to answer your question, Burton, what we have here is a little concoction I affectionately coined, The Last Kiss. One part cyanide, one part strychnine, two parts atropine, and just a shake--not stirred--of boat cleaner. And it's all for you.

Shawn

That's not gonna work. I can't watch him die, you'll have to kill me first.

Gus

You must be outta your damn mind if you think I'm gonna sit here and die after watching you die with some ridiculous grin on your face because you're thinking of sopapillas, or that stupid scene from Summer School where the students all pretend to be dead. [to Yin] And do you have just the one needle? Do you plan on sterilizing in between uses?

Shawn

Surely you can't be serious.

Gus

I don't know where all you've been, Shawn!

Yin

Only Burton gets the needle. I have something far more colorful in mind for you, Shawn.

Shawn

Firing squad? Please say firing squad.

Shawn

Why did you pick me in the first place?

Yin

Because you were pretty good. And you were interesting. You had a black sidekick and that felt fun.

Shawn

I'm trying to tell you that I would protect you.

Juliet

And I would protect you right back.

Gus

What happened?

Shawn

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

Gus

What do you think?

Shawn

I am not your mother.

Gus

He didn't say that, Shawn. What's the bad news?

Shawn

Drive!!

Shawn

All right. Can I get out of here? I've just about solved this case.

Lassiter

ONE question.

Shawn

If it will make you happy.

Lassiter

I think it will. [Pause] Are you psychic?

Shawn

Excuse me?

Lassiter

Are you, Shawn Spencer, psychic?

Henry

You're gonna have to answer that one, Shawn.

Lassiter

First question. What is your name?

Shawn

There is a murderer on the loose.

Lassiter

That is not your name.

Woody

Guster, your cholesterol is really high.

Shawn

Man, I told you eating something called "stick of butter in a bun" was a bad idea!

Gus

I can't help it, Shawn, my body craves buttery goodness.

Shawn

You're buttery.

Gus

You know that's right.

Gus

What happened last night?

Shawn

Strangely, I have no idea.