SteveWas that last chord a 'B' suspended 7th of an augmented 'E'?
[Laughs] Don't be ridiculous. Just an 'E' on the bass over...
Steve
Oh, Jesus! Glen! We're not in a Paul fսcking McCartney fսcking tribute band!
Steve
If you're a pensioner! What are the chords?
Steve
'C'! [Plays amplified riff] Right? But played like a punch in the face. Next.
'F' major 7th suspended 2nd.
Steve
'F'.
Steve
'F'.
Steve
[Plays amplified riff] Right? Played like a kick in the guts.
'E' on the bass over an open 'C'.
Steve
'E'! Played like a fսcking sеx Pistol! [Plays amplified riff repeatedly]
[Comes in and repositions mic stand] Give me a tune. Give me a tune, and I'll give you words.
DDave
That has got "hit" written all over it.
DDave
When you get your new recording contract, I'd definitely suggest this is your first single.
Thank you, Dave! Next time I need advice from a stoned-out hippy, I'll know precisely where to turn. In the meantime, please stick to your assigned role as a third-rate sound engineer.
He's just jealous cos I wrote the tune and most of the lyrics, apart from that rewrite you did on the 2nd verse which admittedly is an improvement.
The only thing that makes it not an ABBA song, is that I sing "pretty va-cunt", whereas you wanted "pretty vacant".
Dave's right. When we present to potential record companies...
Steve
Ugh! Are we fighting again?
JJohnn
"Pretty Vacant" does not represent us as a band.
Oh, no, not like "Anarchy". "I'm an anarchist. I'm an Antichrist." Do you know what a hard time my mum gets at work over those lyrics?
Steve
Because "anarchist" and "Antichrist" don't rhyme?
I'm the one who people notice. And I'm the one who bears the consequences, so pardon me, Glen, if I don't give A FUCK, what your mum thinks!
[Plays "St. James Infirmary Blues" on acoustic guitar with Steve] There you go.
Steve
You're a fսcking great guitarist. You know that?
I'm not. You're just really shit.
Steve
Mouthy Yank!
Play with me. You might learn something.
Steve
We do make great music together.
You talking about the lying-down kind, or the sitting-up kind?
Steve
Both. Well, actually there's more than two cos you can do the lying-down music... standing up and sitting down. And you can do the sitting-down music standing up and lying down.
[Laughs] It's confusing speaking in metaphors all the time, isn't it?
Steve
Ugh, it's a right nause! [Chrissie scats on guitar] What is a metaphor?
It's a thing that's like a thing.
Steve
Right. Those northern towns are gonna hate you.
Steve
Might not make it back alive.
Steve
We'd better make music one last time... before I leave.
See, now that... is a metaphor.
[Van pulls into gas station] You fool! I'm starving. It's obscene.
Steve
Well, I've only been provided with money for petrol and accommodation.
We can't work if we're starving.
...
[John reaches for his shoplifted candy bar stash that the band is digging into] Hey! No, no, no! You're the star. You stay in the front. Yeah, go on! [John displays a vulgar gesture]
[Band has arrived at an upscale hotel] What's Malcolm playing at, sending us on this tour of England's biggest twat-holes?
Isn't exactly our target audience, is it?
Steve
What? Look at the legs on that one.
Steve
In the middle.
...
SWSenior woman
[Steve belches] Disgusting!
[Band has taken places at stage] Hello, Whitby or Shitby or wherever we are. Do you want to hear something real?
...
BBernadette
Could you turn it down a bit, please? The sound. Turn it down! The sound! We've got Bingo on in the Lesser Ballroom. They can't hear the numbers.
Steve
Bingo?
BBernadette
Bingo, yeah. Next door. [Bernadette runs to the washroom to glam herself up and rejoins the performance with her boyfriend in kissing embrace on deserted audience floor]
Steve
Hey, it's Bernadette. It's Bingo!
Steve
This one goes out to Bingo and her boyfriends!
Steve
Like that? Something reminds me of being ill.
Concentrate on the lesson, Jonesy.
Yes, Jonesy. Concentrate.
Steve
Vicks VapoRub. You're wearing Vicks VapoRub. You put it on your chest if you've got a cold.
Steve
I haven't got a cold.
I haven't got it on my chest. I've got it in my hair. It's just sticky enough to make it stand up. It's his beauty secret.
You should try it, Jonesy. Your hair's shit.
Now that Glen's R.I.P., Steve can be butt of the hair jokes.
Steve
Fuck off! [Sid and John laughs]
Steve
Pay attention!
I paid attention. It goes; [Repeatedly] plinky... like that.
No! It's [Repeatedly] plinky...!
Steve
No! It's... Look, there's no [Repeatedly] "plinky...". It's [Repeatedly punching fist in hand in synchrony] bam...! Don't tickle it, punch it! [Sid punches Steve in the face] Oi, shit! [Sid is trying to attack Steve with the guitar] What the fuck?! That's my guitar! [Steve pushes off Sid who falls to floor] It's your skull you should be worried about, not your banjo! [Steve jumps on top of Sid punching him in the gut]
Steve
What is wrong with you?!
I like it when people fight back instead of ignoring you.
Steve
Ugh!
[Sid picks at guitar strings] Is that right?
Steve
Not really. But it might actually be better. [Hands him a guitar pick] Do it again. Give us 'A'. Keep playing.
[Nancy enters] Sorry, this is the boys' toilets.
[Chuckles and holds out a handshake] Nancy. It's really good to meet you. Um, could you guys maybe give me a ride?
...
[Riding in in van] So, Richard and I... Richard Hell I mean, of The Voidoids, previously of The Heartbreakers. Do you know The Heartbreakers, like, with Johnny Thunders? Used to be in The New York Dolls. Yeah. Anyway, he decided The Heartbreakers sucked, so hence therefore The Voidoids. He practically invented punk rock as you know, especially the whole spiky hair thing.
Anyway, the main point being, Richard and I are very close, very, very close.
Now, Boogie, we're going to Denmark Street.
We're going here. You can go to Denmark Street.
But I haven't finished telling the guys about Richard.
Steve
You can tell me later.
Driver, could you just wait?
Steve
No! Boogie's got to boogie. Don't you, Boogie?
Steve
Yeah? I've got to boogie.
Okay! You don't need to shout at me.
The Jubilee celebrates 25 years of good old Queen Elizabeth looking down on us.
If we take the piss out of the Jubilee, we become the story instead of her. And after the Jubilee, the song's forgotten.
No, our "God Save The Queen" will be a national anthem for a brand new country, a country founded on fury.
Speaking as an American, I find the whole royalty thing very, very enchanting.
This is a band meeting. If you are not in the band, you are banned. Understand?
You have a wonderful way with words. Has anyone ever told you that?
I will now leave. The song is called "No Future". [Opens delivery box of records and examines record cover] Fuck! Lying fuck! He's only gone and called it; "God Save The Fucking Queen".
Steve
My Nancy's a fucking queen.
"God Save The Queen" will get us noticed.
Steve
No one will buy the record if they don't know about it.
I do. I agree with Jonesy for once. We gotta be notorious.
But the song's not about the Queen. It's about how our generation has no future.
Steve
We made this. We made it. Look at it. It's fucking beautiful.
To be fair, Glen R.I.P. made it. But I look loads better playing.
Steve
No one can argue with that, Sid. [To John] Before I was in this band, I never listened to the words of songs. You made me listen. John. I really... hate to say this, but, uh... you are a fucking genius.
Would you like to meet my mum?
...
SSSid's mother
Do you have a cold, John? You smell of Vicks.
Steve
Oh, it's... it's his hair.
Everyone just shush! Please! [Plays "God Save The Queen]
SSSid's father
[Laughs] You're gonna be strung up for treason.
JSJohn's mother
Oh, so, it's not that "God Save The Queen". It's your own version.
I wanted to call it "No Future".
SSSid's mother
No, "God Save The Queen". It's more... noticeable. Well, I'll put the kettle on.
[Points] Hmm? Hmm? Look, it's got my name on it.
...
[Band is walking outside flat estate car park]
Steve
[To Sid] Your mum and dad are nice.
Steve
Nah.
Steve
No, they won't be home.
Then we'll just leave 'em a record. I wanna go to the Jonesy gaff.
[In sing-song] Let's all go to Jonesy's! Da-da... [Gets in car]
Look, it's just a quick in and out. Leave it for 'em. It's no big deal.
Steve
Yeah, fuck it!
Steve
[Calling out from door of adoptive parents flat] Hello? I'll leave it...
[Bursts in] Might as well look around.
Steve
Hold on!
Let's have a butcher's. ['Opens door of Steve's bedroom] What's in here?
Steve
That's my bedroom.
Is this your bedroom? [Referring to double wardrobes] Narnia... Double Narnia! Blimey! You kept this quiet, Jonesy! Look at all this treasure. Your mum and dad must've really liked you.
Our very own Artful Dodger!
Steve
We gotta go.
Let me have some of this, Jonesy. No, no, we're just getting started. Steve, take something.
Steve
I'll nick it back from you.
SSSteve's father
What's going on?
Mr. Jones, I presume? We brought you a present. [Hands him a vinyl copy of "God Save The Queen"]
SSSteve's father
Who do you think you are?
We brought you a present.
SSSteve's father
What's this, then? Christmas Number One? Well, shut the door on your way out. [Sids walks past him patting his shoulders] Where... Where'd you think you're going? [Sid walks to balcony swatting hanging laundry and John opens a can of biscuits] Oi! What are you doing? What do you think you're doing in my house?
In answer to your question, we are... taking the biscuit. [Sid laughs and takes one with Paul taking one, then John pours out crumbs on couch] Hmm! Oh, crumbs! Well, thank you for your hospitality. We hope you enjoy our musical offering. [Sid jumps on couch] Whoo! Cheerio! [Steve stares at father with passive contempt then leaves with band]
[Walking outside] I hope your dear old dad didn't find us too obnoxious.
Steve
He's not my fucking dad! [Kicks over a child's rocking horse]
That's the spirit! Who needs a dad when you're a Sex Pistol?
Steve
[At a nightclub] Dom Perignon! We need Dom Perignon over here!
Chrissie, have you ever had an orgasm?
Uh... yes, I have. Thanks for asking, Sid.
No, I mean, like, a real, like... Like a gushing volcano type thing.
To be honest, if you had, you'd remember.
Well, anyway, Chrissie, if you want one of those things, I can sort that out for you.
RReginald
[Walking into club with Bob] Nancy says she's happy to lend me out.
BBob
Great show last night.
NNick
I'm here with the Sex Pistols. Single's doing very well. Working on an article about the whole punk/new wave scene.
BBob
Ah! Very good. Good luck with that.
NNick
Uh... Bob Harris, the most influential music presenter...
Yeah, I know who you are. It's whispering Bob. The Old Grey Sniffle Test.
BBob
If you'll excuse me...
No, hang on. Why won't you have us on, Bob? Not good enough for the BBC, are we?
BBob
It's merely a difference of taste.
"Taste"?! Taste this, you cunt! [Lunges at Bob with drinking glass and accidentally smashed it into Reginald's neck setting off a bar fight]
Steve
[Pulls aside Sid] Sidney! [A man punches Sid in the chest]
[Pulls aside Sid] Sidney! [Repeatedly] Sid!
[Pulls aside Sid] Si! Sidney, listen to me!
Steve
[Hiding under table with Chrissie] You all right?
Steve
Surprise, surprise. Welcome to the Sex Pistols.
[Punches Steve in chest] You selfish piece of shit!
Steve
All right, stop! Stop, stop!
I wasn't even an option to you. It's not like I want to be part of the Sex Pistols, but you knew how bad I wanted to be in a band, and it didn't even cross your mind!
Steve
What? Of course it didn't - you're too good for the Pistols.
Steve
Our singer is half-insane, our manager is fully insane - he's trying to bring down the government - our bass player can't play, starts fights for laughs, and as you've rightly pointed out, I'm just an illiterate thief who can barely fucking play. You're better than that! You're so much better than that.
[In alleyway] Sidney! You are marvellous!
Where are you going? Sidney! You started this!
I'm taking Nancy to my mum's.
Do you think I'm stupid? I know what you're doing. That shit'll kill you.
We all went to your mum's, why can't I go to mine?
HHelen
[While doing a painting saying to Steve] You've done "singer that can't sing", "guitarist that can't play", and now you're doing "band that can't tour... "...or record". Bravo! It's an oeuvre. [Hears door buzzes] It'll be Malcolm. [Nancy enters] Not Malcolm. She said she had to see you.
HHelen
[Nancy picks up can of beer] Uh! Help yourself to a beer.
I have. Thank you. Hmm! So... I need a connection for heroin. And you seem like a man about town, Steve. Surely, you have a connection?
Steve
Not for you, I don't. Do you think I want that shit going up Sid's arm?
It's purely for personal use.
Steve
Why don't you fuck off back to wherever you came from?
Because this is a free country, and I'm very fond of Sid.
Steve
You're gonna break up this band. Why would I do that? You're another Yoko Ono.
Mm. Her and John Lennon - such a touching love story.
Steve
She broke up the Beatles.
I don't like the Beatles.
Steve
Yeah, that's not the fucking point.
Why don't we take the temperature down a few degrees? My love, I need to share some personal things about Sid. May we have some privacy?
HHelen
I'm going to sleep. Let yourselves out. Don't steal anything.
Why do you think Sid attacked beardy Bob last night?
Steve
His name's "Vicious". He thinks he has to live up to it.
No, silly. He knew everyone in that room loved beardy Bob and would turn on him for it. Sid's happiest when he's getting the shit kicked out of him.
Steve
You do that for him, do you?
I was choked at birth by my umbilical cord and diagnosed schizophrenic at 15. I've been kicking the shit out of people all my life. [Starts sexually moving on Steve and chuckles] It's okay, baby. I know you want to.
Steve
You're fucking disgusting.
Yeah. That's why you want to... [Gasps] That was nice. I don't usually give it away for free, except with Sidney.
Steve
I gotta go.
Steve
Shh!
But I did think a Sex Pistol would be paid more. How about a few bucks?
I don't think it's fair that Nancy can't come to meetings. She's a part of me now. So, technically, she's part of the band.
Don't be revolting, Sidney!
You're just jealous cos none of you have ever been in love.
Jonesy, I bet you've never been in love.
Course he has! Falls in love with all his mates' girlfriends for about 30 seconds, which is all the time it takes to fuck 'em.
Steve
Piss off!
Hey, Sid, you'd better keep an eye on Nancy, eh?
Sexy young assassins! What was that? That was the sound of a door closing. But hold on... What's this? [Opens larger encompassing door] That is the sound of another door opening.
Steve
What are you talking about?
Pistol · 61 quotes
