PPaul
[Police lights go on while they are speeding in a sportscar] Shit! Pull over! Steve, pull over now! I'm gonna lose my apprenticeship!
They'll definitely kick the shit out of us for having a better motor than them!
PPaul
I shouldn't have let you talk me into this!
PPolice officer
[Walking to vehicle] Won the pools, have we, lads?
PPolice officer
Step out of the vehicle, sir.
All right. [Accelerates away]
PPaul
You're a fucking lunatic!
Do you want to keep your apprenticeship or not? Right, round this corner, we're gonna jump out, throw on the old cloak of invisibility, and scarper!
PPaul
You and your bloody cloak of invisibility! It doesn't work, does it?
Oh, it's only cos they can see you, you pillock! [They climb up wall and look down from above at officers investigating idling vehicle] Don't forget, rehearsals tomorrow.
...
You mean... we can rehearse here as long as we want?
WSWally's father
Yep! We're rewiring the entire building. It'll take years.
WSWally's father
Just make sure I get a ride in your Rolls when you're famous. [Walks away]
All right, good news! I've come up with a new name.
PPaul
What's wrong with the old name?
Yeah, I like "The Strand".
Nah, it's boring. Like Glen's hair.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "The Swankers".
PPaul
"The Swankers"? Sounds like "Wankers".
Why do you get to choose the name?
I can sing better than you can play. I'm the best musician.
You're also a jumped-up little ponce who likes The Beatles and minor diminished 4ths. Oh, yeah. Plus, I nicked all the gear.
PPaul
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
Phantom of the Odeon. And, uh... I've written an original.
Oh, it's... It's not actually written down.
Oh! So, when you say you've "written" a song, you mean...
PPaul
Don't be a prick, Glen.
Look, Wally, do you remember that riff we was mucking around with the other day? It was like... we was mucking around with the other day? It was like... da-na-na-na-na-da-na-na-na-na...
Jesus! They don't call you "Wally" for nothing, do they? Glen... Do you remember the chords?
Like this: Da-na-na-na-na... Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Glen?
All right, play D. Yeah, Glen?
Yeah. That's it. Right, repeat it.
PPaul
Give us some noise. [Plays a song] What happens next?
Uh, I don't know. I gotta come up with more lyrics.
It's a bloody good start.
Well, it's not quite The Beatles, but...
She said we could borrow clothes for the band. I won't even have to nick 'em.
Yeah. Malcolm's gonna manage us.
Did he actually say that?
Well, no, but he wants me to... you know, inspire him.
Yeah, for his revolution.
So... So... he's not managing us.
Not yet, but he will. I'm gonna convince him.
Ooh, naughty, naughty. This will do very nicely for me and the missus. But what'll the kiddies wear?
Ladies! Pretend you're on stage, and just sing along. Otherwise Steve Jones here's gonna beat the bloody daylights out of you.
We'll see. [Malcolm starts playing Alice Cooper's I'm Eighteen]
Oh, Alice. My mum loves him. [Sings along out of tune and then falls down when song's over] What is it? Bunch of morons or what? No future for John, is it? Uh, God save Johnny, Humpty Dumpty Johnny. We all fall down left and right. Blue suede, white suede... [Blows raspberry] brothel creeping bastards! I'm a boy. No, I'm a man. I'm eighteen, and I hate it! I hate it! Eighteen! Eighteen! Eighteen! Nothing but a lowlife! I hate it! Fuck it! Hate it! Suck it! Eighteen! Eighteen! Eighteen! Eighteen, and I hate it! Where's me shoes?!
Well, let's set up a rehearsal first, and then we can talk about your shoes.
Fuck that! [Throws mic on ground and walks away]
He's right. I don't think this is gonna work.
PPaul
I thought it was interesting.
Maybe for a Christmas panto.
Why are you wasting my time?!
...
[Standing outside the Sex store] Open the door, please.
Do any of you imbeciles realise what's happening here? He is one of the greatest guitarists in all of England. And you are an untutored genius that, with the right guidance, could change the world.
[Laughs maniacally] You're a tosser.
Yes, I am. And I'm going to toss this boring, grey country with its corrupt Establishment right on to its inbred, self-important arse.
Now, who wants to toss with me? One rehearsal.
It will be a chance to hear England's greatest guitarist.
May as well join the tossers.
Excellent. I'll set it up.
PPaul
And get me those shoes.
I don't think it's right just not turning up.
Ten to one he doesn't turn up himself.
But he might, and that would be really rude.
Oh, fuck off, Florence Nightingale. You haven't even met him. He was just taking the piss.
All right. I thought he had potential.
Then why didn't you go to the bleedin' rehearsal?
PPaul
No point going on me own.
We should've told Malcolm.
Malcolm doesn't care. He's probably found a dozen others by now.
Why didn't you go to rehearsal?
John and his mates came to my shop wanting to kick my bloody head in.
You forgot?! You're going to apologise to John tomorrow. And, if you can't get him to come to a rehearsal, I will reconsider my managerial position. [Walks away]
[Steve has produced lyrics scrawled out on ripped out notebook pages]
"Give the dog a bone"? What does that mean?
When you're seventeen, all you want to do is shag.
I'm not singing that. It sounds like it's written by a moron.
You're only twenty-nine... Got a lot to learn... You're only twenty-nine... Give the git a... Make my stomach... Nah! You're only twenty-nine... Got a lot to learn... But when your mummy dies, she will not return! That's more like it!
We like noise, it's our choice...
It's good. We're keeping that. Easy and simple.
Good. And "I don't work, I just speed, that's all I need".
Yeah, some of it's all right, Steve, if I could read it. Honestly, did you even go to school?
[Scoffs] No, not really. Don't worry, I'll work it out.
John. I know what we should call ya. Rotten. On account of your teeth.
Johnny fucking Rotten. That's brilliant! I love it. [Goes out door]
PPaul
He is a bit of a prick.
[Watching outside] Little fucker.
[To Glen reading newspaper] What's it say?
It's our first review. Be nice for us all to hear it out loud together.
I'm not your nursery school teacher.
Sorry, I thought you were, seeing as you dress exactly like her.
[Laughs and throws newspaper across table] Read it yourself.
[Clears throat and reads] Yeah... Typical NME.
PPaul
Not worth reading, to be honest.
Nah. Except for that last bit.
PPaul
Yeah, Malcolm's gonna love that.
Which bit? Which bit again?
The last bit. [John comes in] Oh, finally! Now we can rehearse! Have you read it?!
Oh, I bet he's read it. I bet he's bought up every copy in Finsbury Park and wallpapered his room with it.
What do you want to be, Glen?
I know what I wanna be. I wanna be in a band where the geezer what writes the words writes some. "Lazy Sod" might be a bit simple, but it's better than fսck all, which is all you've come up with.
How am I supposed to be inspired, when my collaborators are a mummy's boy, a pleaser, and a moron?
How about I fix your teeth with my guitar? Maybe that'll inspire you.
PPaul
Yeah, where's all this come from?
The NME's gone to his head.
[Laughs at John who throws a mug at the wall shattering it then storms out] What the fսck?! My favourite mug!
We should get another singer.
PPaul
[Walking out] Steve, can I have a word? I'm leaving.
Well, I doubt we'll get much done today anyway.
PPaul
No. I'm leaving the band. For good.
Oh... don't be daft. You can barely play. I'm getting better.
PPaul
Like John. The guy's a madman. Malcolm is Malcolm. Waste of time.
Yeah, we're gonna be good.
PPaul
We don't have any songs, Steve. We're a covers band. This is so fսcking boring. I've got an apprenticeship, got a chance. Oh, yeah, your nine-to-five, eight-to-four, or whatever the fսck it is, wage slave.
Fսck off! Is that what you want? Married. Four screaming kids, and before you can blink twice, you're just another boring, defeated old cսոt. Sipping pints at the pub with that look in his eye, "Oh, I wonder where my life went?"
PPaul
My mum and dad are good people, got good lives, you know that. I'm not saying they're not.
Oh, I know you haven't had none of that.
PPaul
I'm sorry. I gotta do what's right for me. I'm done.
The Jubilee celebrates 25 years of good old Queen Elizabeth looking down on us.
If we take the piss out of the Jubilee, we become the story instead of her. And after the Jubilee, the song's forgotten.
No, our "God Save The Queen" will be a national anthem for a brand new country, a country founded on fury.
Speaking as an American, I find the whole royalty thing very, very enchanting.
This is a band meeting. If you are not in the band, you are banned. Understand?
You have a wonderful way with words. Has anyone ever told you that?
I will now leave. The song is called "No Future". [Opens delivery box of records and examines record cover] Fuck! Lying fuck! He's only gone and called it; "God Save The Fucking Queen".
My Nancy's a fucking queen.
PPaul
"God Save The Queen" will get us noticed.
No one will buy the record if they don't know about it.
I do. I agree with Jonesy for once. We gotta be notorious.
But the song's not about the Queen. It's about how our generation has no future.
We made this. We made it. Look at it. It's fucking beautiful.
To be fair, Glen R.I.P. made it. But I look loads better playing.
No one can argue with that, Sid. [To John] Before I was in this band, I never listened to the words of songs. You made me listen. John. I really... hate to say this, but, uh... you are a fucking genius.
Would you like to meet my mum?
...
SSSid's mother
Do you have a cold, John? You smell of Vicks.
Oh, it's... it's his hair.
Everyone just shush! Please! [Plays "God Save The Queen]
SSSid's father
[Laughs] You're gonna be strung up for treason.
JSJohn's mother
Oh, so, it's not that "God Save The Queen". It's your own version.
I wanted to call it "No Future".
SSSid's mother
No, "God Save The Queen". It's more... noticeable. Well, I'll put the kettle on.
[Points] Hmm? Hmm? Look, it's got my name on it.
...
[Band is walking outside flat estate car park]
[To Sid] Your mum and dad are nice.
Then we'll just leave 'em a record. I wanna go to the Jonesy gaff.
[In sing-song] Let's all go to Jonesy's! Da-da... [Gets in car]
PPaul
Look, it's just a quick in and out. Leave it for 'em. It's no big deal.
I don't think it's fair that Nancy can't come to meetings. She's a part of me now. So, technically, she's part of the band.
Don't be revolting, Sidney!
You're just jealous cos none of you have ever been in love.
Jonesy, I bet you've never been in love.
PPaul
Course he has! Falls in love with all his mates' girlfriends for about 30 seconds, which is all the time it takes to fuck 'em.
PPaul
Hey, Sid, you'd better keep an eye on Nancy, eh?
Sexy young assassins! What was that? That was the sound of a door closing. But hold on... What's this? [Opens larger encompassing door] That is the sound of another door opening.
What are you talking about?
RRichard
Branson. Richard. Richard Branson.
[Shaking his hand] Like the pickle.
RRichard
No. The pickle is "Branston". A lot of people make that mistake.
PPaul
Hang on, Malcolm said there'd be pickle.
RRichard
Huh! No, I don't make pickle. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? All right? Take a seat. Cheese?
RRichard
Uh, it's Mike Oldfield, "Tubular Bells".
RRichard
Virgin's very first release. Top ten for almost the entirety of 1974.
RRichard
Huh! Of course you do. Three years is an eternity in the music industry, and Virgin have released nothing of great significance since. Instead of the groovy young thing...
RRichard
Virgin's beginning to feel like the, uh...
RRichard
Exactly! That's why I want to sign the most controversial band in the land, the one all the old pensioner labels are too terrified to touch. The only issue is, uh... timeline.
RRichard
There's no point releasing "God Save the Queen" if we miss... [Steve hands him a drink] thank you. [To Malcolm] ...the Jubilee. I need it by June.
No problem. We can re-master the single by June.
RRichard
But I need an album. "God Save the Queen" would be the single from the album. Is that... Is that doable?
Is this where we're staying?
EKE.K.
Okay, okay, okay... Hey! Hey! You're on my turf now.
And what boring turf it is! Why aren't we downtown? Atlanta's kind of edgy.
In London, we get stabbed daily. I think we can handle little old Atlanta.
EKE.K.
In America, people have guns. There have been death threats.
EKE.K.
Hey, this is no joke. From now on, you don't go anywhere without E.K. or Allison.
Why has he got a girl's name? [Laughs] Do you fight like a girl, too, Allison?
AAllison
Maybe you'll get to find out.
EKE.K.
Still in England for all I know.
Right. Where's the drugstore, cowboy? I need a fix.
EKE.K.
No! No hard drugs on my tour.
EKE.K.
Hey, Warner's have put up a $300,000 bond which they will lose if you commit a felony.
EKE.K.
No felonies. My job to not let that happen.
And it's my job to tell you that I'm Sid Vicious, and I do whatever the fuck I want.
He's right, that is his actual job.
EKE.K.
Okay, so we both just do our job.
EKE.K.
[To Allison] Stick with him. Don't let him score.
I'm warning you, mate, stay out of my face. What are you looking at?
AAllison
Oh, well... I'm looking at you. [Sid attacks Allison]
Oh, here we go. Shit! Keep going, Sidney! [Allison slams Sid's head into wall] Oh! Keep going, Sid! Oh!
AAllison
How do you think I fight now?
Don't kill him. Fucking hell!
AAllison
Good, good! You fight good. You kidding me?
[Sid punches Allison in face and band cheers] Never let your guard down. [Allison grabs Sid and slams onto table]
[Takes his seat] Good! Cheers, man. You're all right. Good! This is gonna be great. Do you mind? Any ketchup?
Oh! This... is far too fucking fast. Malcolm!
Well, all hail, my slinky southern six-shooters!
[Chuckles] Nice of you to finally turn up.
Apologies, my Texan "Terribles", but I have been very busy attending to some important Sex Pistol business down in Los Angeles.
Well, oh, fearless fuck-up, I've been attending to some very important near-death business involving thousands of redneck cowboys baying for my blood.
We were all attending to that, all of us. Stop saying "me".
But I cop it the most because I'm the star. You hear that, Cookie? Me and you may as well piss off and finally go have some fun.
PPaul
Oh, yeah, sounds good. When are we leaving?
Go! Won't be hardfinding another backing band.
[Chuckles] "Backing band". It's only me and John anyone actually looks at.
Thank fucking Christ they're not listening to you.
Doesn't matter what you sound like, it's what you look like what counts.
Yeah, fuck off, you little junkie.
Who you telling to fuck off?
Brilliant! [Laughs] Exactly as I planned! You were turning into a rock band, and how can any poor, disenfranchised kid relate to a rock band? Inaccessible. Famous. John was acting like Rod Stewart!
To be fair, he's got the hair for it now.
I needed to bring you back down to street-level where you belong, to throw you into the furnace and see what remains of you.
You are completely insane!
That is why I insisted that we only play the southern states. It is a shame about this place, though.
Why? This is the first proper venue we've had.
Warner wanted you to play all the big cities, but I told them, "They're not a rock band."
Then what the fuck are we?
Well... You are very soon to be... sexy Latin assassins.
WAWoman assistant
Dom Perignon.
You what? I have been in L.A. gathering funding for our new movie. "The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle". I've already recorded a track for it, and after this, we're gonna fly down to Rio. The Great Train Robber, Ronnie Biggs, is gonna be a guest vocalist on a Pistols track.
Ugh! It'll be fun. Come on, that whole outlaw spirit! And plus, girls don't wear many clothes down Rio way.
You fucking cunt! [Lunges at Malcolm]
Oi! [Repeatedly] Ah...! Hey! You calm down, Shirley Temple. [Chuckles]
[Spits on floor and walks away] Come on, Sidney. Sid!
Don't go running off with that miserable ponce! Come on, let's have some fun, eh?
I fucking hate you for what you did to Nancy. Never forget that.
Oi, what... What about soundcheck?
Oh, just fuck off! Who wants a drink?
Pistol · 61 quotes
