GAGranada announcer
Man: One of the most reviewed and most reviled rock phenomena of recent weeks, we got a few votes: sеx Pistols. You can hear them warming up in the background even now.
“Pretty Vaaaycunt” · Season 1, Episode 4
In this episode: Steve Jones (6), John (6), Glen Matlock (6), Malcolm McLaren (3), Viv (2), Joe (2), Chrissie Hynde (1)
JJeannie
[Watching band perform on TV and on phone] Francie, are you watching?
FFrancie
Oh, Lord, yes, I am watching. [Jeannie lies down on floor up close to watch totally mesmerized]
...
"Anarchy in the UK" is a call to arms for all the kids who feel that rock 'n' roll has been taken away from them.
FFrancie
[At bus stop reading newspaper] "Meet Malcolm McLaren. He runs a shop called 'sеx'. He manages a group called 'The sеx Pistols'. His rockabilly leathers deconstructed by the effete white scarf that shrouds his whey face." What's a "whey face"?
JJeannie
I don't know. [Points to band headshots] There's a picture. That face must be "whey".
...
Fundamentally, rock is a young people's music.
...
JJeannie
"McLaren declares himself the commissar of a youth revolution."
FFrancie
The bus! Come on, I want to get to the back.
...
We have created a brand new...
JJeannie
"...generation gap," says McLaren. "16-year-olds..."
...are telling 18-year-olds that they're too old.
OGOlder girl
Move along, foetus.
...
All kids are anarchists, until they get dragged into the system. All the other bands that have risen out of the wake of the Pistols are great. It's like having an army behind you. We are to Bay City Rollers what the Stones were to the Beatles.
...
JHJoyriding hooligan
What are you slags wearing?! Show us your tіts! Show us your arse!
FFrancie
Get, you know... Get lost!
JHJoyriding hooligan
[Laughs and drives away]
FFrancie
Ooh! That wasn't very Punk.
FFrancie
Okay. I'm just getting used to it!
What do you think?
DDave
That has got "hit" written all over it.
Cheers.
DDave
When you get your new recording contract, I'd definitely suggest this is your first single.
Thank you, Dave! Next time I need advice from a stoned-out hippy, I'll know precisely where to turn. In the meantime, please stick to your assigned role as a third-rate sound engineer.
He's just jealous cos I wrote the tune and most of the lyrics, apart from that rewrite you did on the 2nd verse which admittedly is an improvement.
The only thing that makes it not an ABBA song, is that I sing "pretty va-cunt", whereas you wanted "pretty vacant".
Dave's right. When we present to potential record companies...
Shut up, Glen!
Ugh! Are we fighting again?
JJohnn
"Pretty Vacant" does not represent us as a band.
Oh, no, not like "Anarchy". "I'm an anarchist. I'm an Antichrist." Do you know what a hard time my mum gets at work over those lyrics?
Because "anarchist" and "Antichrist" don't rhyme?
I'm the one who people notice. And I'm the one who bears the consequences, so pardon me, Glen, if I don't give A FUCK, what your mum thinks!
[Reading newspaper] What is this?
That is a call to arms.
That is a stream of unpunctuated hot air from a broken hair dryer.
Oh, please don't allow me to interrupt your very important potato prints.
Not important enough for you to mention in your interview.
Ah! Bruised ego, is it?
I like the "anarchy" bit.
What about the "Bay City Rollers" bit?
The bit about the shop and the band sharing a name?
Well, it's just always good to throw some facts in with the bullshit.
I'm changing the name of the shop.
Well, we can't change the name of the band now.
The shop is not there to service the band. The shop is not there to reinforce your brand.
Well, what is it there for, then?
To expose hypocrisy and provoke revolution.
What, with sticky back plastic and squeezy bottles?
[Grabs the back of Malcolm's and he grunts] Do you know the difference between you and me, Malcolm?
How do I differ from thee? Let me count the ways...
Your idea of ambition is to be the new George Epstein.
Brian Epstein. It's "Brian".
And my idea of ambition is to be the new Boudica. I want to ride a chariot down Oxford Street and burn this city to the ground.
Oh! So, what does Boudica want to call her new boutique, then?
"Seditionaries".
[Plays "St. James Infirmary Blues" on acoustic guitar with Steve] There you go.
You're a fսcking great guitarist. You know that?
I'm not. You're just really shit.
Mouthy Yank!
Play with me. You might learn something.
We do make great music together.
You talking about the lying-down kind, or the sitting-up kind?
Both. Well, actually there's more than two cos you can do the lying-down music... standing up and sitting down. And you can do the sitting-down music standing up and lying down.
[Laughs] It's confusing speaking in metaphors all the time, isn't it?
Ugh, it's a right nause! [Chrissie scats on guitar] What is a metaphor?
It's a thing that's like a thing.
Right. Those northern towns are gonna hate you.
Might not make it back alive.
Might not.
We'd better make music one last time... before I leave.
See, now that... is a metaphor.
[Band is pushing the van] Fսcking hell! Go on, Cookie, push!
Are you doing anything?!
My foot's all the way down! Get in! Wait!
I'm up front. I'm the navigator.
I'm up front. I'm the star.
No, you're not.
M1Man 1
You're not special!
M2Man 2
Get here, you fսcking cսոt!
[To bartender] There's gonna be a riot! Come on!
Oh, look, the northern oafs are snogging. I didn't know Barnsley was this brutal.
BBartender
To be honest with you, son, it's like this most Saturday nights.
It's Wednesday.
[Walking through remodeled Sex the Shop with contractor] The ceiling. We're going for a bombed-out look.
Yeah, just smash some holes into it.
CContractor
It's full of asbestos. If you unsettle it, it'll kill you. I can't ask my lads to touch it.
[Sending contractors out] Okay, thank you very much for coming out! [To himself] Victory! [Grabs broom and stands on stool punching holes in ceiling]
[Van pulls into gas station] You fool! I'm starving. It's obscene.
Well, I've only been provided with money for petrol and accommodation.
We can't work if we're starving.
...
[John reaches for his shoplifted candy bar stash that the band is digging into] Hey! No, no, no! You're the star. You stay in the front. Yeah, go on! [John displays a vulgar gesture]
[Band has arrived at an upscale hotel] What's Malcolm playing at, sending us on this tour of England's biggest twat-holes?
Isn't exactly our target audience, is it?
JJoe
We're on.
What? Look at the legs on that one.
Yeah, I've seen 'em.
In the middle.
Yeah, I know.
...
SWSenior woman
[Steve belches] Disgusting!
[Band has taken places at stage] Hello, Whitby or Shitby or wherever we are. Do you want to hear something real?
...
BBernadette
Could you turn it down a bit, please? The sound. Turn it down! The sound! We've got Bingo on in the Lesser Ballroom. They can't hear the numbers.
Bingo?
BBernadette
Bingo, yeah. Next door. [Bernadette runs to the washroom to glam herself up and rejoins the performance with her boyfriend in kissing embrace on deserted audience floor]
Hey, it's Bernadette. It's Bingo!
Turn it up!
This one goes out to Bingo and her boyfriends!
[Looking around perplexed] Oi... oi! What's that noise?
JJoe
The sea. That's the sea.
Get out! You never once got taken to the seaside?!
My childhood wasn't quite the lap of luxury yours was, Glen.
Even us impoverished Irish immigrants had the occasional seaside holiday. Poor, underprivileged Jonesy.
Fսck off!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Pistol pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.