Malcolm McLaren quotes from Pistol

Viv

We've been looking for you.

Steve

Give me another shot, I promise I won't fuck it up. Sorry... to swear in front of the kids.

Viv

I don't care.

I do. I'm always getting into trouble for swearing at school. Can't fucking help it now.

Viv

Don't you worry about them smelly old fascists, darling.

Malcolm

What's 'other man's child' doing here?

Viv

Don't be a prick, Malcolm. He hasn't stayed in months.

Steve

Malcolm, I was just saying how I...

Malcolm

[To Steve] Stop. Stop. [Points past Steve] Turn around. Face the wall.

Steve

What?

Malcolm

[Shoves Steve] Face the wall! There. Stay. [To son] 'Real son', could you go get Daddy's sword? [Lecturing] One must die so that another may rise. When I managed The New York Dolls, I devised a provocative Situationist ploy. I thought very long and very hard about what would piss America off the most. And in a stroke of genius, I dressed them up as Chinese Communists. They looked devastating. And it was testament to the brilliance of my idea that one month later the Dolls had broken up.

Your sword, Sire.

Malcolm

Thank you very much. But on parting, Sylvain Sylvain entrusted something sacred into my safekeeping. Like Merlin giving Arthur Excalibur.

Viv

Actually, it was The Lady of the Lake gave Arthur Excalibur.

Malcolm

Please, do you mind, I'm trying to create a situation here.

Steve

Please stop. What's going on?

Malcolm

You're very damaged, which is a very good thing. It's just you're too damaged to be up front. And so you must plough that damage into the music. From now on, you shall be guitar.

Steve

Wh... What about Wally?

Malcolm

Well, it's absolutely forbidden for any rock star to wear spectacles.

Steve

That's a bit harsh.

Malcolm

Well, don't blame me! I don't make the rules. You must sack him. I assume you can play?

Steve

Um...

Malcolm

Good! Well, it can't be that hard! Everyone does these days. Mm! And I think we've found our new singer.

Steve

That was quick.

Viv

Well, I spotted him in the shop. His name's John.

Malcolm

Yes, and when he came back looking for a pair of brothel creepers in white suede, I said that I might consider giving them to him if he auditioned for us.

Viv

He wears his clothes in a very interesting way.

Steve

Got very interesting teeth, too.

Viv

I didn't notice his teeth.

John

Ooh, naughty, naughty. This will do very nicely for me and the missus. But what'll the kiddies wear?

Malcolm

Microphone.

John

I only sing out of tune.

Steve

Fucking hell! Pillock!

Malcolm

Ladies! Pretend you're on stage, and just sing along. Otherwise Steve Jones here's gonna beat the bloody daylights out of you.

John

I don't think so.

Steve

We'll see. [Malcolm starts playing Alice Cooper's I'm Eighteen]

John

Oh, Alice. My mum loves him. [Sings along out of tune and then falls down when song's over] What is it? Bunch of morons or what? No future for John, is it? Uh, God save Johnny, Humpty Dumpty Johnny. We all fall down left and right. Blue suede, white suede... [Blows raspberry] brothel creeping bastards! I'm a boy. No, I'm a man. I'm eighteen, and I hate it! I hate it! Eighteen! Eighteen! Eighteen! Nothing but a lowlife! I hate it! Fuck it! Hate it! Suck it! Eighteen! Eighteen! Eighteen! Eighteen, and I hate it! Where's me shoes?!

Malcolm

Well, let's set up a rehearsal first, and then we can talk about your shoes.

John

Fuck that! [Throws mic on ground and walks away]

Steve

He's right. I don't think this is gonna work.

I thought it was interesting.

Steve

Maybe for a Christmas panto.

John

Why are you wasting my time?!

John

[Standing outside the Sex store] Open the door, please.

Malcolm

Do any of you imbeciles realise what's happening here? He is one of the greatest guitarists in all of England. And you are an untutored genius that, with the right guidance, could change the world.

John

[Laughs maniacally] You're a tosser.

Malcolm

Yes, I am. And I'm going to toss this boring, grey country with its corrupt Establishment right on to its inbred, self-important arse.

John

Now, who wants to toss with me? One rehearsal.

I'm game.

John

It will be a chance to hear England's greatest guitarist.

Steve

May as well join the tossers.

Malcolm

Excellent. I'll set it up.

And get me those shoes.

Glen

I don't think it's right just not turning up.

Steve

Ten to one he doesn't turn up himself.

Glen

But he might, and that would be really rude.

Steve

Oh, fuck off, Florence Nightingale. You haven't even met him. He was just taking the piss.

Glen

All right. I thought he had potential.

Steve

Then why didn't you go to the bleedin' rehearsal?

No point going on me own.

Glen

We should've told Malcolm.

Steve

Malcolm doesn't care. He's probably found a dozen others by now.

Malcolm

What the fuck!

Steve

Hello, Malcolm.

Glen

Hello.

Malcolm

Why didn't you go to rehearsal?

Steve

What rehearsal?

Malcolm

John and his mates came to my shop wanting to kick my bloody head in.

Steve

I must've forgot.

Malcolm

You forgot?! You're going to apologise to John tomorrow. And, if you can't get him to come to a rehearsal, I will reconsider my managerial position. [Walks away]

Glen

You've been told, son.

Steve

Shut up!

Chrissie

Nice guitar. Where'd you steal it?

Steve

Malcolm gave it to me. It was Sylvain Sylvain's.

Chrissie

Of the New York Dolls?

Steve

Yeah.

Chrissie

Why'd he give it to you?

Steve

I'm gonna be our new guitarist.

Chrissie

What happened to Wally?

Steve

Uh...

You fucking prick!

Well, don't blame me, I don't make the rules.

Chrissie

You sacked Wally?! Seriously?! Malcolm has been promising for months to put me in a band. And I can sing and play, but, no, he gives you, a meathead, druggie, felon...

Steve

Feel free. Everyone's piling it on today.

Chrissie

...this incredible instrument and a place in a band that you are completely unqualified for, because... because, Jonesy, one thing that British and American music share is huge, steaming piles of sexism.

Malcolm

Sexism has nothing to do with it, Chrissie. I am well aware of your talent, but my vision for the Sex Pistols is one of dirt, danger and desire. A band of sexy, young assassins whose instruments could just as easily be pickaxes, or shovels, or machine-guns. You're far too... accomplished for them. However, I do want you to meet with a man by the name of Mick Jones.

Chrissie

Any relation?

Malcolm

Now, Mick Jones is a very interesting young guitarist who is looking for a collaborator.

Chrissie

Okay. Thanks.

Malcolm

What about John?

Steve

Sorted. But with Wally gone we've got nowhere to rehearse.

Malcolm

Come with me to Denmark... Street. London's answer to Tin Pan Alley. It's the epicentre of the music scene.

Our Tin Pan Alley was really encompassed by the length of a street, which is still there, of course, Denmark Street. Today it's a sad place because, uh... the action has gone from there pretty well, and it's not the same kind of business. In those days, there were characters, there was tremendous colour.

Malcolm

I've taken out a twelve-month lease. Places like this, they don't come cheap, you know. But I said, I told them, "I don't care how much it costs, because this... is the perfect hideout for my sexy, young assassins."

Steve

Thanks, Malcolm. It's brilliant.

Malcolm

John comes by on Friday for rehearsals. How are you and Excalibur getting along?

Steve

Good.

Malcolm

Great. Ready to do battle. Mm, good. Don't let me down.

Steve

I won't.

Malcolm

Good boy.

Malcolm

Rick Wakeman. This is what rock 'n' roll music has become. A mind-numbing sedative for the masses and another means of control. But I... have managed to secure you your very first gig, supporting Bazooka Joe at the Saint Martin Art College.

Glen

Actually, I got us the gig. I am a student there.

Malcolm

Details, Glen. The point is... is that this is it, boys. This is your big break. Tomorrow night, we launch our mission of destruction.

Let's try again.

John

I don't wanna sing like that.

Malcolm

We don't want him sounding like Mario Lanza.

What do you want to sound like?

Malcolm

Well, I mean, I was thinking of a kind of Bowie-ish... Elvis Presley sort of sound, with maybe a dash of Alice Cooper.

John

Shut up, Malcolm!

Perhaps it might be best if you waited outside.

Malcolm

No, John needs...

John

Wait outside or I'll shove Beethoven's head up your arse!

Malcolm

Okay. Now, I'll just be outs...

John

Out!

When I was young, I wanted to sing like Maria Callas. She's an opera singer.

John

I know who Callas is. Greek. One of the greatest. Bit of a diva.

I'm impressed.

John

Why? Because I look like a shabby little moron who don't know a treble clef from a cleft palate?

Not at all. I don't, by the way. No need to.

John

You're going to tell me that after wasting your youth trying to be UK Callas, you finally realised that the only person you could be was... you, and that realization brought you true happiness, et cetera, et cetera.

Bugger! You've guessed my best trick.

John

Thank you. But that sentiment is of no use to me. Last night I was myself. But hearing myself was a bloody nightmare. If you don't want to sing, then don't.

Performing's not for everyone. Perhaps it's not for you.

[Watching band perform on TV and on phone] Francie, are you watching?

Oh, Lord, yes, I am watching. [Jeannie lies down on floor up close to watch totally mesmerized]

Malcolm

"Anarchy in the UK" is a call to arms for all the kids who feel that rock 'n' roll has been taken away from them.

[At bus stop reading newspaper] "Meet Malcolm McLaren. He runs a shop called 'sеx'. He manages a group called 'The sеx Pistols'. His rockabilly leathers deconstructed by the effete white scarf that shrouds his whey face." What's a "whey face"?

I don't know. [Points to band headshots] There's a picture. That face must be "whey".

Malcolm

Fundamentally, rock is a young people's music.

"McLaren declares himself the commissar of a youth revolution."

The bus! Come on, I want to get to the back.

Malcolm

We have created a brand new...

"...generation gap," says McLaren. "16-year-olds..."

Malcolm

...are telling 18-year-olds that they're too old.

Move along, foetus.

Malcolm

All kids are anarchists, until they get dragged into the system. All the other bands that have risen out of the wake of the Pistols are great. It's like having an army behind you. We are to Bay City Rollers what the Stones were to the Beatles.

What are you slags wearing?! Show us your tіts! Show us your arse!

Get, you know... Get lost!

[Laughs and drives away]

Ooh! That wasn't very Punk.

Okay. I'm just getting used to it!

Viv

[Reading newspaper] What is this?

Malcolm

That is a call to arms.

Viv

That is a stream of unpunctuated hot air from a broken hair dryer.

Malcolm

Oh, please don't allow me to interrupt your very important potato prints.

Viv

Not important enough for you to mention in your interview.

Malcolm

Ah! Bruised ego, is it?

Viv

I like the "anarchy" bit.

Malcolm

What about the "Bay City Rollers" bit?

Viv

The bit about the shop and the band sharing a name?

Malcolm

Well, it's just always good to throw some facts in with the bullshit.

Viv

I'm changing the name of the shop.

Malcolm

Well, we can't change the name of the band now.

Viv

The shop is not there to service the band. The shop is not there to reinforce your brand.

Malcolm

Well, what is it there for, then?

Viv

To expose hypocrisy and provoke revolution.

Malcolm

What, with sticky back plastic and squeezy bottles?

Viv

[Grabs the back of Malcolm's and he grunts] Do you know the difference between you and me, Malcolm?

Malcolm

How do I differ from thee? Let me count the ways...

Viv

Your idea of ambition is to be the new George Epstein.

Malcolm

Brian Epstein. It's "Brian".

Viv

And my idea of ambition is to be the new Boudica. I want to ride a chariot down Oxford Street and burn this city to the ground.

Malcolm

Oh! So, what does Boudica want to call her new boutique, then?

Viv

"Seditionaries".

Viv

[Walking through remodeled Sex the Shop with contractor] The ceiling. We're going for a bombed-out look.

Malcolm

Yeah, just smash some holes into it.

It's full of asbestos. If you unsettle it, it'll kill you. I can't ask my lads to touch it.

Malcolm

[Sending contractors out] Okay, thank you very much for coming out! [To himself] Victory! [Grabs broom and stands on stool punching holes in ceiling]

Malcolm

This is the most famous photograph of the Queen.

It's on the stamps!

That's right, darling. [Chuckles] You put a safety pin in her nose.

Is it for a new stamp?

No, stupid. We're taking the piss.

Oh...

Viv

Oh, pet.

Malcolm

It's brilliant.

Viv

Happy Jubilee, Your Madge!

Viv

We've made a terrible mistake!

Malcolm

What?! No, look, they love him!

Viv

This isn't love! This is appetite! They'll eat him!

John

Our wonderful manager wanted us to write a song about bondage and discipline to publicise his funny little shop. So, we wrote a song about submission. A sub-marine mission. He didn't get the joke.

Malcolm

I did get the joke.

Malcolm

The Jubilee celebrates 25 years of good old Queen Elizabeth looking down on us.

John

If we take the piss out of the Jubilee, we become the story instead of her. And after the Jubilee, the song's forgotten.

Malcolm

No, our "God Save The Queen" will be a national anthem for a brand new country, a country founded on fury.

Nancy

Speaking as an American, I find the whole royalty thing very, very enchanting.

John

Shut up!

Nancy

I was just saying.

John

This is a band meeting. If you are not in the band, you are banned. Understand?

Nancy

You have a wonderful way with words. Has anyone ever told you that?

John

I will now leave. The song is called "No Future". [Opens delivery box of records and examines record cover] Fuck! Lying fuck! He's only gone and called it; "God Save The Fucking Queen".

Steve

My Nancy's a fucking queen.

"God Save The Queen" will get us noticed.

John

Cheap publicity!

Steve

No one will buy the record if they don't know about it.

John

I don't care.

Sid

I do. I agree with Jonesy for once. We gotta be notorious.

John

But the song's not about the Queen. It's about how our generation has no future.

Steve

We made this. We made it. Look at it. It's fucking beautiful.

Sid

To be fair, Glen R.I.P. made it. But I look loads better playing.

Steve

No one can argue with that, Sid. [To John] Before I was in this band, I never listened to the words of songs. You made me listen. John. I really... hate to say this, but, uh... you are a fucking genius.

John

Would you like to meet my mum?

Do you have a cold, John? You smell of Vicks.

Steve

Oh, it's... it's his hair.

John

Everyone just shush! Please! [Plays "God Save The Queen]

[Laughs] You're gonna be strung up for treason.

Oh, so, it's not that "God Save The Queen". It's your own version.

John

I wanted to call it "No Future".

No, "God Save The Queen". It's more... noticeable. Well, I'll put the kettle on.

John

[Points] Hmm? Hmm? Look, it's got my name on it.

Steve

[To Sid] Your mum and dad are nice.

John

Let's go round yours.

Steve

Nah.

John

Are you ashamed of us?

Steve

No, they won't be home.

John

Then we'll just leave 'em a record. I wanna go to the Jonesy gaff.

Sid

[In sing-song] Let's all go to Jonesy's! Da-da... [Gets in car]

Look, it's just a quick in and out. Leave it for 'em. It's no big deal.

Sid

Are we going or what?

Steve

Yeah, fuck it!

Sid

Fucking hurry up!

Sid

I don't think it's fair that Nancy can't come to meetings. She's a part of me now. So, technically, she's part of the band.

John

Don't be revolting, Sidney!

Sid

You're just jealous cos none of you have ever been in love.

John

Jonesy, I bet you've never been in love.

Course he has! Falls in love with all his mates' girlfriends for about 30 seconds, which is all the time it takes to fuck 'em.

Steve

Piss off!

Hey, Sid, you'd better keep an eye on Nancy, eh?

Malcolm

Sexy young assassins! What was that? That was the sound of a door closing. But hold on... What's this? [Opens larger encompassing door] That is the sound of another door opening.

Steve

What are you talking about?

Malcolm

One word... Pickle!

Branson. Richard. Richard Branson.

Sid

[Shaking his hand] Like the pickle.

No. The pickle is "Branston". A lot of people make that mistake.

Hang on, Malcolm said there'd be pickle.

Huh! No, I don't make pickle. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? All right? Take a seat. Cheese?

Sid

Uh, no.

Tomato?

Sid

Uh, no.

Gherkin?

Sid

No.

Nuts?

Sid

No.

Drink?

Sid

No.

Steve

Oi, what's this one for?

Uh, it's Mike Oldfield, "Tubular Bells".

Steve

Oh, dear.

Virgin's very first release. Top ten for almost the entirety of 1974.

John

I hate "Tubular Bells".

Huh! Of course you do. Three years is an eternity in the music industry, and Virgin have released nothing of great significance since. Instead of the groovy young thing...

John

Let's have a nosey!

Virgin's beginning to feel like the, uh...

Sid

An old age pensioner?

Malcolm

Sid!

Exactly! That's why I want to sign the most controversial band in the land, the one all the old pensioner labels are too terrified to touch. The only issue is, uh... timeline.

Malcolm

What timeline?

There's no point releasing "God Save the Queen" if we miss... [Steve hands him a drink] thank you. [To Malcolm] ...the Jubilee. I need it by June.

Steve

No problem. We can re-master the single by June.

Malcolm

Yes.

But I need an album. "God Save the Queen" would be the single from the album. Is that... Is that doable?

Steve

Yeah, course it is!

Malcolm

[At a Guy Fawkes bonfire] I'm going to blow up the Pistols.

Viv

This is about John, isn't it?

Malcolm

It's about art. I have to destroy them.

Viv

So that out of the chaos something new and more powerful may emerge.

Malcolm

It's always been my philosophy.

Viv

Actually, it's mine. You appropriated it.

Malcolm

Don't be ridiculous.

Viv

It's all right. It's a habit of yours. I'm used to it. What about Steve?

Malcolm

He may rise... or he may fall. Chaos shall decide.