[John and Simon/Sid are walking to John's flat]
If you are going to be in the band, you can't carry on being called John, because that's my name. Malcolm won't let me in the band. Steve's hopeless and Glen's a ponce. One of 'em has to go. Besides, I need a mate. They're really mean most of the time.
SidMy mum calls me Sime.
Sid
"Sime", not "Slime". It's short for "Simon". John Simon Ritchie.
You can't be called Simon either, it's a shit name. Hence why I prefer John.
Sid
I don't see why we can't both be called John. Confusion is good.
I've only just noticed your teeth. You look like my fucking hamster.
Sid
[Noticing John's hamster] Hello, Sid.
We'll call you Sid. After the hamster.
Sid
What's his second name?
Hamsters don't have surnames.
Sid
Well, I'm gonna need a second name. For legal purposes.
Sid
[Hamster bites Sid's finger] Argh! Sid's really vicious.
The main thing to remember is that Malcolm is a dishonest bastard.
Sid
To be fair, he did put me in the band.
To be fair, I got you in the band by playing Malcolm at his own devious game. And now we must ally against him, lest we get shafted like Glen, may he rest in peace.
Sid
Look, I hold it up, it just flops down. He offered to give me lessons.
Sid
Glen, R.I.P. I told him to fuck off. [Laughs]
You do realise you will need to learn to play.
Sid
Not really. How come yours sticks up like that?
What do you mean, "Not really"? Use lacquer.
Sid
No one cares what you sound like, it's what you look like that matters. Is it effective, then, lacquer?
Course it's effective! Remember my mum's beehive? It was like St. Paul's Cathedral. She kept actual bees in it. You can't be a Sex Pistol if you can't play. You can't sing.
Sid
Why should I play? Can I have some of your mum's lacquer, then, please? I can sing! Somewhat. And I don't use lacquer. It's too sticky.
Can we stop talking about your hair and talk about Malcolm?! He wants to change the title of my song "No Future" to "God Save The Queen".
Sid
If it's not lacquer, what is it?
Can you stop talking about your hair?
Sid
Can you stop talking about Malcolm and song names and the bass guitar? You're making me nervous.
What are you nervous about?
Sid
I'm supposed to be a Sex Pistol, but I can't play anything. And now my fucking hair won't even stand up.
Sid
[Repeatedly] Pling...
Like that? Something reminds me of being ill.
Sid
Concentrate on the lesson, Jonesy.
Yes, Jonesy. Concentrate.
Vicks VapoRub. You're wearing Vicks VapoRub. You put it on your chest if you've got a cold.
Sid
Want some?
Sid
I haven't got it on my chest. I've got it in my hair. It's just sticky enough to make it stand up. It's his beauty secret.
Sid
You should try it, Jonesy. Your hair's shit.
Sid
Now that Glen's R.I.P., Steve can be butt of the hair jokes.
Fuck off! [Sid and John laughs]
Sid
I paid attention. It goes; [Repeatedly] plinky... like that.
No! It's [Repeatedly] plinky...!
No! It's... Look, there's no [Repeatedly] "plinky...". It's [Repeatedly punching fist in hand in synchrony] bam...! Don't tickle it, punch it! [Sid punches Steve in the face] Oi, shit! [Sid is trying to attack Steve with the guitar] What the fuck?! That's my guitar! [Steve pushes off Sid who falls to floor] It's your skull you should be worried about, not your banjo! [Steve jumps on top of Sid punching him in the gut]
Sid
That was great!
Sid
I like it when people fight back instead of ignoring you.
Sid
[Sid picks at guitar strings] Is that right?
Not really. But it might actually be better. [Hands him a guitar pick] Do it again. Give us 'A'. Keep playing.
Sid
[Nancy enters] Sorry, this is the boys' toilets.
[Chuckles and holds out a handshake] Nancy. It's really good to meet you. Um, could you guys maybe give me a ride?
...
[Riding in in van] So, Richard and I... Richard Hell I mean, of The Voidoids, previously of The Heartbreakers. Do you know The Heartbreakers, like, with Johnny Thunders? Used to be in The New York Dolls. Yeah. Anyway, he decided The Heartbreakers sucked, so hence therefore The Voidoids. He practically invented punk rock as you know, especially the whole spiky hair thing.
Anyway, the main point being, Richard and I are very close, very, very close.
Now, Boogie, we're going to Denmark Street.
Sid
We're going here. You can go to Denmark Street.
But I haven't finished telling the guys about Richard.
Sid
Driver, could you just wait?
No! Boogie's got to boogie. Don't you, Boogie?
Yeah? I've got to boogie.
Sid
Okay! You don't need to shout at me.
[Chuckles] Sid... Have you ever done this before?
Sid
Done what before? We haven't done anything yet.
Oh, my God! You are a virgin. This is kind of exciting for me.
Sid
And for me.
[Chuckles] Hey, do you want to, um... like, shoot up before we... [Both chuckles]
Sid
I have done that before.
Sid
Yeah.
I thought London was all, like, blow and speed.
Sid
No, my Mum gave me a hit for my 14th birthday.
Sid
Mm, whoa.
The Jubilee celebrates 25 years of good old Queen Elizabeth looking down on us.
If we take the piss out of the Jubilee, we become the story instead of her. And after the Jubilee, the song's forgotten.
No, our "God Save The Queen" will be a national anthem for a brand new country, a country founded on fury.
Speaking as an American, I find the whole royalty thing very, very enchanting.
This is a band meeting. If you are not in the band, you are banned. Understand?
You have a wonderful way with words. Has anyone ever told you that?
I will now leave. The song is called "No Future". [Opens delivery box of records and examines record cover] Fuck! Lying fuck! He's only gone and called it; "God Save The Fucking Queen".
My Nancy's a fucking queen.
"God Save The Queen" will get us noticed.
No one will buy the record if they don't know about it.
Sid
I do. I agree with Jonesy for once. We gotta be notorious.
But the song's not about the Queen. It's about how our generation has no future.
We made this. We made it. Look at it. It's fucking beautiful.
Sid
To be fair, Glen R.I.P. made it. But I look loads better playing.
No one can argue with that, Sid. [To John] Before I was in this band, I never listened to the words of songs. You made me listen. John. I really... hate to say this, but, uh... you are a fucking genius.
Would you like to meet my mum?
...
SSSid's mother
Do you have a cold, John? You smell of Vicks.
Oh, it's... it's his hair.
Everyone just shush! Please! [Plays "God Save The Queen]
SSSid's father
[Laughs] You're gonna be strung up for treason.
JSJohn's mother
Oh, so, it's not that "God Save The Queen". It's your own version.
I wanted to call it "No Future".
SSSid's mother
No, "God Save The Queen". It's more... noticeable. Well, I'll put the kettle on.
[Points] Hmm? Hmm? Look, it's got my name on it.
...
[Band is walking outside flat estate car park]
[To Sid] Your mum and dad are nice.
Then we'll just leave 'em a record. I wanna go to the Jonesy gaff.
Sid
[In sing-song] Let's all go to Jonesy's! Da-da... [Gets in car]
Look, it's just a quick in and out. Leave it for 'em. It's no big deal.
Sid
Are we going or what?
Sid
Fucking hurry up!
[Calling out from door of adoptive parents flat] Hello? I'll leave it...
[Bursts in] Might as well look around.
Let's have a butcher's. ['Opens door of Steve's bedroom] What's in here?
Is this your bedroom? [Referring to double wardrobes] Narnia... Double Narnia! Blimey! You kept this quiet, Jonesy! Look at all this treasure. Your mum and dad must've really liked you.
Sid
Nah, he nicked it all.
Our very own Artful Dodger!
Let me have some of this, Jonesy. No, no, we're just getting started. Steve, take something.
I'll nick it back from you.
SSSteve's father
What's going on?
Mr. Jones, I presume? We brought you a present. [Hands him a vinyl copy of "God Save The Queen"]
SSSteve's father
Who do you think you are?
We brought you a present.
SSSteve's father
What's this, then? Christmas Number One? Well, shut the door on your way out. [Sids walks past him patting his shoulders] Where... Where'd you think you're going? [Sid walks to balcony swatting hanging laundry and John opens a can of biscuits] Oi! What are you doing? What do you think you're doing in my house?
In answer to your question, we are... taking the biscuit. [Sid laughs and takes one with Paul taking one, then John pours out crumbs on couch] Hmm! Oh, crumbs! Well, thank you for your hospitality. We hope you enjoy our musical offering. [Sid jumps on couch] Whoo! Cheerio! [Steve stares at father with passive contempt then leaves with band]
[Walking outside] I hope your dear old dad didn't find us too obnoxious.
He's not my fucking dad! [Kicks over a child's rocking horse]
That's the spirit! Who needs a dad when you're a Sex Pistol?
[At a nightclub] Dom Perignon! We need Dom Perignon over here!
Sid
Chrissie, have you ever had an orgasm?
Uh... yes, I have. Thanks for asking, Sid.
Sid
No, I mean, like, a real, like... Like a gushing volcano type thing.
Sid
To be honest, if you had, you'd remember.
Sid
Well, anyway, Chrissie, if you want one of those things, I can sort that out for you.
RReginald
[Walking into club with Bob] Nancy says she's happy to lend me out.
BBob
Great show last night.
Sid
Um, is that...
NNick
I'm here with the Sex Pistols. Single's doing very well. Working on an article about the whole punk/new wave scene.
BBob
Ah! Very good. Good luck with that.
NNick
Uh... Bob Harris, the most influential music presenter...
Sid
Yeah, I know who you are. It's whispering Bob. The Old Grey Sniffle Test.
BBob
If you'll excuse me...
Sid
No, hang on. Why won't you have us on, Bob? Not good enough for the BBC, are we?
Sid
Don't ignore me.
BBob
It's merely a difference of taste.
Sid
"Taste"?! Taste this, you cunt! [Lunges at Bob with drinking glass and accidentally smashed it into Reginald's neck setting off a bar fight]
[Pulls aside Sid] Sidney! [A man punches Sid in the chest]
[Pulls aside Sid] Sidney! [Repeatedly] Sid!
[Pulls aside Sid] Si! Sidney, listen to me!
[Hiding under table with Chrissie] You all right?
Surprise, surprise. Welcome to the Sex Pistols.
[Punches Steve in chest] You selfish piece of shit!
All right, stop! Stop, stop!
I wasn't even an option to you. It's not like I want to be part of the Sex Pistols, but you knew how bad I wanted to be in a band, and it didn't even cross your mind!
What? Of course it didn't - you're too good for the Pistols.
Our singer is half-insane, our manager is fully insane - he's trying to bring down the government - our bass player can't play, starts fights for laughs, and as you've rightly pointed out, I'm just an illiterate thief who can barely fucking play. You're better than that! You're so much better than that.
[In alleyway] Sidney! You are marvellous!
Sid
I feel great!
Where are you going? Sidney! You started this!
Sid
I'm taking Nancy to my mum's.
Do you think I'm stupid? I know what you're doing. That shit'll kill you.
Sid
We all went to your mum's, why can't I go to mine?
Sid
[Nancy is pounding on front door window of Sid's parents flat] Harder! Go on, harder! [Laughs]
WWoman
Oi! Keep the noise down!
Sid
Shut the fuck up! You're making more noise than me. Cunt! [Gestures to her]
WWoman
Fucking rude bastard!
I don't think she's home.
Sid
She' never home. It's all right. [Gets an emergency key through mail slot] My magic key.
[Sid grabs a stuffed bear chuckles] What's that?
Sid
It's a pyjama case. Mum gave it to me for my birthday.
Mm. It looks a bit young. [Sid produces a bag of heroin]
Sid
I don't think it's fair that Nancy can't come to meetings. She's a part of me now. So, technically, she's part of the band.
Don't be revolting, Sidney!
Sid
You're just jealous cos none of you have ever been in love.
Jonesy, I bet you've never been in love.
Course he has! Falls in love with all his mates' girlfriends for about 30 seconds, which is all the time it takes to fuck 'em.
Hey, Sid, you'd better keep an eye on Nancy, eh?
Sexy young assassins! What was that? That was the sound of a door closing. But hold on... What's this? [Opens larger encompassing door] That is the sound of another door opening.
What are you talking about?
RRichard
Branson. Richard. Richard Branson.
Sid
[Shaking his hand] Like the pickle.
RRichard
No. The pickle is "Branston". A lot of people make that mistake.
Hang on, Malcolm said there'd be pickle.
RRichard
Huh! No, I don't make pickle. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? All right? Take a seat. Cheese?
Sid
Uh, no.
Sid
Uh, no.
Sid
No.
Sid
No.
Sid
No.
RRichard
Uh, it's Mike Oldfield, "Tubular Bells".
RRichard
Virgin's very first release. Top ten for almost the entirety of 1974.
RRichard
Huh! Of course you do. Three years is an eternity in the music industry, and Virgin have released nothing of great significance since. Instead of the groovy young thing...
RRichard
Virgin's beginning to feel like the, uh...
Sid
An old age pensioner?
RRichard
Exactly! That's why I want to sign the most controversial band in the land, the one all the old pensioner labels are too terrified to touch. The only issue is, uh... timeline.
RRichard
There's no point releasing "God Save the Queen" if we miss... [Steve hands him a drink] thank you. [To Malcolm] ...the Jubilee. I need it by June.
No problem. We can re-master the single by June.
RRichard
But I need an album. "God Save the Queen" would be the single from the album. Is that... Is that doable?
Sid
Is this where we're staying?
EKE.K.
Okay, okay, okay... Hey! Hey! You're on my turf now.
And what boring turf it is! Why aren't we downtown? Atlanta's kind of edgy.
In London, we get stabbed daily. I think we can handle little old Atlanta.
EKE.K.
In America, people have guns. There have been death threats.
EKE.K.
Hey, this is no joke. From now on, you don't go anywhere without E.K. or Allison.
Sid
Why has he got a girl's name? [Laughs] Do you fight like a girl, too, Allison?
AAllison
Maybe you'll get to find out.
Sid
Well, I hope so.
EKE.K.
Still in England for all I know.
Sid
Right. Where's the drugstore, cowboy? I need a fix.
EKE.K.
No! No hard drugs on my tour.
Sid
Huh! Right. Fuck that.
EKE.K.
Hey, Warner's have put up a $300,000 bond which they will lose if you commit a felony.
Sid
"Lose"?
EKE.K.
No felonies. My job to not let that happen.
Sid
And it's my job to tell you that I'm Sid Vicious, and I do whatever the fuck I want.
He's right, that is his actual job.
EKE.K.
Okay, so we both just do our job.
Sid
Fucking jobs!
EKE.K.
[To Allison] Stick with him. Don't let him score.
Sid
I'm warning you, mate, stay out of my face. What are you looking at?
AAllison
Oh, well... I'm looking at you. [Sid attacks Allison]
Oh, here we go. Shit! Keep going, Sidney! [Allison slams Sid's head into wall] Oh! Keep going, Sid! Oh!
AAllison
How do you think I fight now?
Don't kill him. Fucking hell!
AAllison
Good, good! You fight good. You kidding me?
Sid
Allison...
Sid
[Sid punches Allison in face and band cheers] Never let your guard down. [Allison grabs Sid and slams onto table]
Sid
[Takes his seat] Good! Cheers, man. You're all right. Good! This is gonna be great. Do you mind? Any ketchup?
EEvangelist
There's a Johnny Rotten inside us all. And he doesn't need to be saved, he needs to be crucified!
...
Sid
[To E.K.] I need heroin! Is that so hard to get through your thick fucking skull?
Sid
Shut up, John! Please! Please, Mr American Man.
EKE.K.
All right. Here. Take some of my Valium. [Hands prescription bottle] It should help. No more than two at a time!
Sid
Okay. Can you open it?
...
It's not a bad job, is it? Come on, man! The Sex Pistols...
We got a bus! They do like us in America.
Sid
[Referring to sex doll] Right, then, who's gonna fuck her first?
Sid
One at a time!
...
Sid
Anyone got any bog roll?
Sid
We ran out in Memphis.
Smells like something died up your arse.
Sid
There's no bog roll left.
Oh, that's worse! Get away!
Oh! This... is far too fucking fast. Malcolm!
Well, all hail, my slinky southern six-shooters!
[Chuckles] Nice of you to finally turn up.
Sid
Not nice, actually.
Apologies, my Texan "Terribles", but I have been very busy attending to some important Sex Pistol business down in Los Angeles.
Well, oh, fearless fuck-up, I've been attending to some very important near-death business involving thousands of redneck cowboys baying for my blood.
We were all attending to that, all of us. Stop saying "me".
But I cop it the most because I'm the star. You hear that, Cookie? Me and you may as well piss off and finally go have some fun.
Oh, yeah, sounds good. When are we leaving?
Go! Won't be hardfinding another backing band.
Sid
[Chuckles] "Backing band". It's only me and John anyone actually looks at.
Thank fucking Christ they're not listening to you.
Sid
Doesn't matter what you sound like, it's what you look like what counts.
Yeah, fuck off, you little junkie.
Sid
Who you telling to fuck off?
Brilliant! [Laughs] Exactly as I planned! You were turning into a rock band, and how can any poor, disenfranchised kid relate to a rock band? Inaccessible. Famous. John was acting like Rod Stewart!
To be fair, he's got the hair for it now.
I needed to bring you back down to street-level where you belong, to throw you into the furnace and see what remains of you.
You are completely insane!
That is why I insisted that we only play the southern states. It is a shame about this place, though.
Why? This is the first proper venue we've had.
Warner wanted you to play all the big cities, but I told them, "They're not a rock band."
Then what the fuck are we?
Well... You are very soon to be... sexy Latin assassins.
WAWoman assistant
Dom Perignon.
You what? I have been in L.A. gathering funding for our new movie. "The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle". I've already recorded a track for it, and after this, we're gonna fly down to Rio. The Great Train Robber, Ronnie Biggs, is gonna be a guest vocalist on a Pistols track.
Ugh! It'll be fun. Come on, that whole outlaw spirit! And plus, girls don't wear many clothes down Rio way.
You fucking cunt! [Lunges at Malcolm]
Oi! [Repeatedly] Ah...! Hey! You calm down, Shirley Temple. [Chuckles]
[Spits on floor and walks away] Come on, Sidney. Sid!
Don't go running off with that miserable ponce! Come on, let's have some fun, eh?
Sid
I fucking hate you for what you did to Nancy. Never forget that.
Oi, what... What about soundcheck?
Sid
Oh, just fuck off! Who wants a drink?
Pistol · 61 quotes
