John, Glen and others in “Pretty Vaaaycunt”

[Band has arrived at an upscale hotel] What's Malcolm playing at, sending us on this tour of England's biggest twat-holes?

Isn't exactly our target audience, is it?

We're on.

What? Look at the legs on that one.

Yeah, I've seen 'em.

In the middle.

Yeah, I know.

[Steve belches] Disgusting!

[Band has taken places at stage] Hello, Whitby or Shitby or wherever we are. Do you want to hear something real?

Could you turn it down a bit, please? The sound. Turn it down! The sound! We've got Bingo on in the Lesser Ballroom. They can't hear the numbers.

Bingo?

Bingo, yeah. Next door. [Bernadette runs to the washroom to glam herself up and rejoins the performance with her boyfriend in kissing embrace on deserted audience floor]

Hey, it's Bernadette. It's Bingo!

Turn it up!

This one goes out to Bingo and her boyfriends!