And now, I must leave. My public awaits.
Yeah, and I must go be famous by association. Yeeha!
And to think, we knew Stacy before she was famous by association.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Agents Perry and Lyla confront Doofenshmirtz inside a U.S.-Canada train]
LLyla
You gonna eat those fries?
Don't touch! Anyway, I've got a little math quiz for the both of you. If a train carrying Precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning, going 80 miles per hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration? Answer? Never! Because I've tied up the conductor, and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now we are all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress. [Lyla reaches for the fries again] Hey cut it out, those are mine. Seriously, I can get the waiter over here if you want to order own, but please?
LLyla
This evil exchange partner of yours, what his name?
I think his name was Sir Railing, or Doctor Stairway, or something.
LLyla
Professor Bannister! Of course, my arch-nemesis. Can I put some gravy on those?
Seriously, leave my lunch alone. Anyway, after Professor Banister gets the moose, it's going to ruin Canada Day, or you know, whatever. Crazy, right?
LLyla
You know what's really crazy? How good these fries are.
I am not kidding, leave those alone. I just don't understand it, why do you take my lunch, when you're in the dining car you can have your own lunch. Oh, it makes me crazy when people pick at my food. [Lyla winks at Perry, and Perry understands] Seriously, why is your hand out like that? I am seriously going to lose it. [Perry joins in taking more fries] Aw, now you're both doing it?! Stop it! Stop it! Aah! Oh no, not even taking them but just squishing them! I can't take it! [Stands up angrily on the table] GET YOUR OWN LUNCH!' [Everyone on the train silently looks at Doofenshmirtz for a long pauses out]
Easy, Doofenshmirtz. Easy.
WWoman
That man is causing such a scene, it makes me feel free to break up with you in a VERY LOUD MANNER!
[Everybody in the car begins screaming and yelling]
WWaiter
I can't stand being a waiter!
MMan
Excuse me, conductor? [Doofenshmirtz walks over] You know the train doesn't seem to be stopping at any of the scheduled stations.
Is that a fact? My apologies, straphanger. Wait, which one was your stop?
MMan
The next one.
Oh, don't be concerned, step right this way. [The Man and Doofenshmirtz are standing at a door] So, your wife cooking dinner tonight?
MMan
Oh, yes. We're having asparagus tips.
Asparagus tips, very classy. What's the entrée?
MMan
Nova Scotia salmon.
Mmm-mmm! Delish. Here's you station! [literally kicks man off the train] Say "hi" to your wife for me.
MMan
[tumbles across a field, through a playground, and into his house]
WWife
Well, someone's home early.
MMan
The conductor says "hi".
Oh, I see, a waterfall. Just in time for commercial. Isn't that convenient. [Both Doofenshmirtz and Perry go over the waterfall and start falling] What's that about, anyway? It's not a cliff-faller, it's called a cliff-hanger, and here we are, falling, and-watch watch watch, here we go, wait, look, yup yup see? There you go! Fading to black! [Scene fades to black]
Major Monogram?
Yes, Carl?
I-I want you to meet my cousin Larry.
W-W-W-Wait! You got out of the vent, found your cousin, and brought him back in here?
Well I didn't have to find him, we had a lunch date. He was waiting for me-
Why on earth would you bring him back into the vent?!
Cause I wanted you to meet him!
LLarry
Plus I really like vents.
Mutual, I'm sure.
LLiam
[pinning down Perry with his boot] AHA! GOTCHA! [puts on Perry's fedora] My greatest hunt ever ENDS RIGHT HERE!
Stop what you're doing, McCracken! STEP AWAY FROM THE PLATYPUS!
LLiam
Doofenshmirtz!
I like you to meet my ladies. [two old groundkeepers arrive at his side] Ruth and Esther!
LLiam
[scoffs] Docents. [Ruth angrily points to a "Keep Off the Grass' sign which Liam is standing next to] Aw, not again! [throwing the fedora back to Perry] I'll be right be back! I know how to hand these ladies. [to the ladies] Uh... the sign must've been installed... I've never seen it before.
RRuth
Nice try, Liam, but this is you third infraction as of many weeks! Hand over your membership card!
LLiam
What?! Let's not get crazy now! [turns in his card]
RRuth
All of your gardening privileges have been revoked for ten days! Esther will escort you off the grounds!
[Esther bring in a wheelchair for Liam to sit in]
LLiam
But I can't leave. It's my natural habitat!
RRuth
Your file says you're from Pittsburgh!
LLiam
[speaking in an American accent] But it's not my fault! It's HIM! [points to Perry] It's the platypus you want!
[Ruth and Esther spot Perry, and Liam's wheelchair starts to roll down the hill, taking a screaming Liam with it]
RRuth
Aw, how cute he is. What a handsome platypus.
RRed
Later that day, to make their escape, those boys crawled through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness I can't even imagine. 500 yards. That's the length of 11 baseball diamonds, one tennis court, a medium-sized male elephant, and a croquet wicket. It wasn't long before they found everything that they needed.
Great! Let's hurry up and put this thing together.
But if we do the mind swap here, those criminals will still be out of jail.
You're right! I hadn't thought of that.
RRed
So even later that day, those boys crawled back through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness that I-
Actually, it is not as bad as you would think.
Yeah! Gunge is actually quite refreshing!
RRed
Oh. Well, it was still 500 yards. That's the length of two volleyball courts, a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier, a large three-drawer filing cabinet, three French-
We're not listening anymore!
RRed
Oh. Okay, then.
Do you have enough to feel the urge to bust your brothers? [Candace looks at her window, noticing that her brothers are building a giant wave pool for Linda] I don't think your Mom will approve.
Of course not! They are gonna be so bus-
Nuh-uh-uh! True identity, Candace.
[inhales and sighs as she slowly pulls her head down slowly as her hair gets a corner of her eye] What's the point? Nobody understands me anyway.
Wow, Heather magazine is good.
[showing up in the backyard; worried] Phineas, Pinky's missing!
Aw, that's too bad, Isabella.
Chihuahuas, that's the first thing zombies go for.
Uh, we moved past zombies, Buford.
He's been gone all morning! He didn't even touch his breakfast burrito. What am I going to do?
We could put up posters.
We could do nothing.
We could make a portable positronic canine detector using the old factory receptors that Ferb and I were gonna use for our milligram scale purification study.
Let's do that one!
You kids have fun. Really, I wish I could stay and bust you, but I have a lunch date with Jeremy down at City Hall.
City Hall serves lunch?
I thought they only served subpoenas! [pause] Oh, come on! What's a guy gotta do to get a rimshot around here?!
[Baljeet groans and walks away]
For your information, I'm going down to City Hall because Jeremy's working the Slushy Dawg concession stand at the food court there. And we're gonna have lunch... together. [kneels down to Isabella] Don't worry, Isabella. I'm sure Pinky'll turn up. Perry always does. [concerned] Speaking of which, where is Perry?
And where's Pinky?
[Perry swoops down and activates the Blend-into-the-Background-inator to hide Pinky and himself from revealing their secret identities to the kids]
Right here! Right here, he- What? [takes off the helmet] He should be right here! Oh, man!
I don't get it. Maybe the helmet needs to be fine-tuned.
Yeah, you guys do that. I'm gonna go get a Slushy Dawg.
[after getting whacked in the head by Pinky with the computer monitor] Wow! That guy is really good with computers!
Don't worry, Kelly. I am totally down for being second banana.
Well, first of all, that's a little sad. But, second of all, technically, you would be third banana. It would go: Kelly, and then me, and then you. And, ih, I would be second banana.
KOKelly Osbourne
Nobody is a banana, because there are no bananas!
Yes, we have no bananas!
KOKelly Osbourne
[Seeing Doofenshmirtz and Monogram dressed up like her] Now I know what I would look like if I had middle-aged male clones!
Okay, gang. Today, we're gonna tie a legendary knot.
Woah woah woah! We're just startin'?! No—no intro, nothin'?! Just gettin' right into it?
Yep, we're just doin' the knot.
Wait, how can we do somethin' not?
No, it's "knot" spelled with a "k".
I didn't think it was spelled with a "k".
No. It's "knot".....spelled with a "k".
I don't understand your pauses.
[giving Candace a cup of tea with honey to help soothe her sore throat] Some tea with honey would help that throat. And there's crumpets in the conservatory as well.
[hoarsley] He's so British. [smiles]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Phineas and Ferb pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.