Jez quotes from Peep Show

Mark

Listen, Jeremy, you don't seem to understand. Nothing you want is ever going to happen. That's the real world. Your hair isn't red, people don't walk around on stilts. Maybe somewhere you can earn a living sitting around, drinking margaritas through a curly plastic straw, but in this world, you've got to turn up, log on and grind out.

But, yeah, if you get in early ...

...now, do you have any experience in this field?

Eh, I've done quite a lot actually, I mean not formal filing, but you know, alphabetabecising the videos, doing the spices, I suppose what I'd want to do is build on that experience in a professional... zone, SPHERE. I meant, sphere. (God, that sounded amazing, don't accidentally get the bugger!)

You're doing great...

You're pissing on my bonfire!

Mark

There is no bonfire!

That's because you keep pissing on it!

I just came here to tell you we've been invited to a very wicked party.

Mark

Do I look like the kind of man who goes to wicked parties?

[Eating chicken wings] (This should be in the bag. Why isn't this in the bag? She looks like she hates me.) [Toni looks on in disgust]

What? It's eat as much as you can.

Toni

No, it's eat as much as you'd like. There's no competitive element involved.

At 3.99, I think I know who's winning.

The bad thing. That was the bad thing.

Super Hans

Alright. My turn now.

Look mate, I'm next door. I heard you. Your... noise. Last night.

Super Hans

Oh, that. That was nothing. That was... press-ups.

Yep, well, you certainly seemed to enjoy the last few... a lot.

Mark

It's payback time.

And she's paying back... in fear dollars!

There's only so much happiness in the world and they're hoarding it all!

Mark

That's not how happiness works! (It completely is.)

Nancy

This place is amazing, Gwyn. How can you afford it all?

Well I guess I've just been very lucky. Money's an energy and lots of it has always flowed towards me. Particularly after my parents died.

Cosmic.

Gog!

Jeremy! What are you doing here?

Wouldn't you like to know, you big prick!

Remember that time we made you wank off Percy's dog for a fiver?

Is that? ... Oh my god it is! It's Gog!

Super Hans

Who's Gog?

It's Gog! In school, if you had to sneeze, you'd run up and do it in his face.

Hey, you know what I fancy right now? A kebab. Will you go down and get me a kebab?

[pause] You want me to...

I want a kebab.

What ... really?

[laughing] No-o! Why, were you gonna go and get me one?

No...

I can't believe you were gonna go and get me a kebab!

I wasn't!

[Stops laughing] Well, I want one now.

Right... really?

[laughs again] No-o! I'm shitting you, Jez! Jesus!

I thought you did do Ancient History.

Mark

I did business studies Jeremy. For three years. And I talked to you about it daily.

(I could tell him that's all ancient history now. He probably wouldn't like that joke.)

Oh well, that's all ancient history now!

Stealing things just makes everything very cheap. Plus, you know how I feel about capitalism.

Mark

Yes, confused.