Cally quotes from Peep Show

Cally

Any questions?

Super Hans

Yeah, there are certain countries within the European Union that I'm barred from entering. You got a problem with that?

Cally

Nope

Jeremy

I'm a very sexual performer. Are you going to be able to handle that?

Cally

[Scoffs] Yes!

Cally

It's so frustrating. There must be thousands of cash-rich and time-poor singles out there, I just don't have the time to meet them. I'm a gap in the market, somebody fill me!

Mark

(I'll fill you!! I love you, Cally! You are the one! Let's get married by Alan Sugar and live off all-butter croissants in Canary Wharf!)

Cally

I thought you were a business brain Mark, but you're better than that. You're what my grandma would call 'a real piece of shit'

Cally

Do you want to date? Are you a dater?

Mark

(Well, err, I have been out with women...so I guess...)

Mark

(Wow, I've got a date! I'm a real piece of shit! I bet those two things go hand-in-hand. I bet if I got into defrauding pensioners, the pussy would really start rolling in.)

Cally

How could you possibly make one of these [crystal skulls] except by some type of magic?

Mark

In a factory...from glass.

Cally

Oh sure, c'mon! Could you make that?

Mark

No.

Cally

Could ANYONE?

Mark

Yes.

Cally

Look, Mark, this is important to me. If we're going anywhere, I need you to tell me that you believe in crystal skulls.

Mark

(Please don't make me believe in them.)

Cally

Do you believe?

Mark

I do believe in crystal skulls.

Cally

And what do you believe about them?

Mark

I believe that they were crafted by the ancient inhabitants of Atlantis and that they're powerful centres of healing.

Cally

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Mark

(Sorry, science. Sorry, Enlightenment. Sorry, logic.)

Mark

(Well, that was great. Apart from the skull sending out its invisible rays of bullshit, I think that might be my best ever sexual experience)

Cally

Okay, I think we have to have a talk. About the whole thing.

Mark

I'm sorry? The whole...?

Cally

The whole sexual experience. I have to say, that was very disappointing.

Mark

Oh, right.

Cally

I don't mean to be rude, but is that the kind of thing you usually do?

Mark

Well, I suppose, in general....what, what exactly did I do wrong?

Cally

Well, it was better than with Jeremy though. With Jeremy, I had to stop him in the middle.

Mark

You stopped Jeremy in the middle?

Cally

Sorry, is this weird for you, do you want to know?

Mark

[reluctantly] I do...a bit

Cally

He's like a red setter bounding after a tennis ball, you're like a captain solemnly going down with his ship.

Mark

Well, well that's good to know.

Cally

But we can try again, just as long as you're prepared for me to tell you exactly what to do?

Mark

That could be a good system.