Jez quotes from Peep Show

Will you excuse me? I've got to go and give that ill-looking man an enormous drink.

(Oh what a disaster. Love is all you need. No, actually, Beatles. You also need a person to do it with; Beatles.

We need to get you some answers. Is he going to pull through? You need to know. (I need to know. Right now I'm the supporting character in a weepy when I want to be the leading man in a porno.)

Why do they have these brushes anyway? Who wants brushed post?

I'm a Christmasist.

Look, I'm just going to say this. I love you Celia. (So great for a first date. Stone cold classic.)

This stag is one load of PG-rated, Disney-assed, Which magazine approved, child-proof, high vitamin fucking bullshit.

Look, Mark, you need to face facts. Jerry's a wanker. Kick him out and kick me back in.

Hans. Super Hans, I've known Hans for many a year now. It's been a long road and now, as you've found Molly, er, and I don't really want to get into this, but I've started it now, but I'm going to bring it round, so don't worry. People said Molly wasn't right for you. That she was a downer. But you know what? If someone loves someone, he just loves them. And if that person is considered to be a downer, or even a yawn-a-thon, who cares? And even if someone loves another man, or, what's in a name? Or gender? Is it possible to love two people at once? Three? Four is surely the limit. But is it? What is love anyway? Is it, er, an act, or a feeling or, who am I to speak? Who are you to listen? Why is a marriage a marriage? But society says it's wrong for two men to love one another even though now it says it says that now it's OK? Is it OK because society says it's OK? What next? Dogs getting married? Could I marry my own son? No. Possibly not? Correct. Or is it? What I'm trying to say is that people should do whatever they want to do, at a temperature that suits them, within limits. Thank you. (Pretty sure someone's going to print that speech on a tea towel someday. Yeah, eat that, Obama. Fuck off, Mandela. Take that, Mark, I'm the best man. I'm the best man who ever lived.)

It’s the journey of life. Radio 1, Radio 2, Classic FM, Heart, Magic, dead.

Mark

You know Kerry, cancer Kerry, I need to find out, for a friend, the name of that Chinese doctor she was raving about, do you remember?

Sure. It was Doctor Ying Fu Yip... Wang Shong... Pang Fang Wang... Dang Dong Ning Po Ku.

Mark

Oh right. I see. I get it. You were lampooning me. It was a simple lampoon.

You're a posh spaz.

Mark

Oh really? Well I'd love to know in what way I am a posh spaz.

In the way that you do posh, spazzy things like... tidying up and... ironing your socks.

Mark

I do not iron my socks!

Socks, shirts, whatever!

Listen to you, you beautiful... crazy thing... I meant, the cancer.

I'm sorry? Which cancer?

The bloody cancer! Eating you away!

Ok... Would you like it if I did have cancer?

Toni

So, what you're saying is, these products are essential? The kind of products no one could do without?

Well... You're kind of making me say that.

The first thing to say would be that this is not pyramid selling.

Mark

You're doing pyramid selling?!

No, no, not pyramid selling.

Mark

I can't believe you're into pyramid selling.

Listen, listen. It's not pyramid selling, it's... network... marketing and it's a guaranteed money making... Mark! I've seen the, the charts!

Mark

Oh the "charts". There are "charts". Why didn't you tell me about the "charts".

Are you... trying to... piss on my bonfire?

Mark

I'm trying to... protect you from... pissing all over yourself.

I'm not about to piss... all over myself. I'm... I'm pissing into the... bigtime.